Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2927495 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17950 on: April 24, 2020, 11:41:36 AM »
At a university exchange program, an American student met a Syrian student.
“How are the things going on in your country right now?”

“Not good. We still don’t have proper medical facilities, there are plenty of homeless people, lots of religious fanatics and mass murders keep happening everyday.”

“Things aren’t that great here, either!” replied the Syrian student.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17951 on: April 24, 2020, 03:26:10 PM »
Police officer tickets a driver: "Your tail light is broken, your tires need replacing, and your muffler is faulty.
This will cost you 450 dollars."

Driver: "Alright, go ahead. ... They want twice as much as that at the garage."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17952 on: April 24, 2020, 04:50:35 PM »
I selected this gorgeous 19 yr old Swedish exchange student with an amazing rack from a babysitter website, to watch over my kid tonight .

Does anyone have a baby or a toddler that I can borrow for a few hours ?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17953 on: April 24, 2020, 05:03:28 PM »
Blonde said to her husband: "I found one of your socks under the coffee table... (and then jokingly...) I'm not sure if it's a left or right one tho'"

He replied: "It's a left one!"

Curious, she asked: "How can you tell??"

"Because that's where I left it!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17954 on: April 24, 2020, 05:17:39 PM »
Cop: "We got a call that you had pot in your car!"

Driver: *pulls out flower pot*. "Oh, you mean this?"

Cop: *laughing*. "My mistake, what are ya growing in there?"

Driver: "Marijuana!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17955 on: April 24, 2020, 11:16:40 PM »
There's a protest going on in Hong Kong about how there is too much trash on the streets.

Litter rally?
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Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17956 on: April 24, 2020, 11:46:29 PM »
How are those lights going, Kev?
Have you done a milk run at night yet?  :law


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17957 on: April 24, 2020, 11:53:28 PM »
Hiya Russ.  :hatwave I had a bad day today, and have not yet put the bike back together, hope to do so tomorrow.
(And THEN do a night run to get milk!  :grin) Rest assured, a pic at night will show how effective they are.
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Offline ruSTynutz

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17958 on: April 25, 2020, 01:09:08 AM »
Sorry to hear that, Kev!  :-[
Hopefully tomorrow will be better!  :rockon


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17959 on: April 25, 2020, 11:35:20 AM »
Dr Livingston was tramping through the African jungle when he came upon a woman from a local tribe. 

Livingston said to her; "Ubangi?" 

She said; "Ubetcha!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17960 on: April 25, 2020, 11:36:29 AM »
I just googled "Tramp" instead of "Trump" by mistake.


Still got all the information I needed, tho'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17961 on: April 25, 2020, 11:41:31 AM »
Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight while he commenced with the rest of his chores around the ranch.

Later that afternoon when Roy returned home he found that a mountain lion had snuck down out of the hills and had mauled and gnawed the ever-living crap out of his new, prized boots. Well Roy was so mad he was fit to spit.
He went inside and grabbed his hunting rifle and whistled for his dog Bullet. He and Bullet jumped in the ranch jeep and headed up into the hills to hunt down that no-good puma.

Well after tramping around for a bit Bullet picked up the mountain lion's scent and before you knew it Roy had him in his sights. Well one quick shot later the dead cat was tied across the hood of the Jeep and Roy headed back down to the ranch.
When he pulled up in front of the house his wife, Dale Evans came outside and exclaimed,

"Pardon me Roy? Is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17962 on: April 25, 2020, 03:17:39 PM »
What’s the difference between a drunken archer, and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can’t hit...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17963 on: April 25, 2020, 07:10:15 PM »
My wife's cooking is fit for a King.


Here King! Here King!... King! King! King! ... Here Boy!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17964 on: April 25, 2020, 07:11:25 PM »
I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.


......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17965 on: April 25, 2020, 08:11:13 PM »
Have put the ST back together again today, but it is now cold and raining. I won't bother going anywhere tonight.
Maybe tomorrow night will be better conditions to take pics of the new lights intensity.  :thumb
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17966 on: April 25, 2020, 08:28:41 PM »
Tarzan was swinging through the jungle high in the canopy and his vine breaks....
He fell hitting jagged branches and thorns for about a hundred feet or so and slammed into the ground below, wounded and dying.

A few hours later a witch doctor comes across him and decides to drag his lifeless body to his hut to try to help him.
The witch Dr. examines Tarzan and sees that during his fall he was severely injured. His left eye was gouged out of his head, his right arm was dismembered and his manhood was torn off.

The witch Dr. was very resourceful and a great shot with his blow dart and decided the he would search through the jungle for remedies.

First he saw an eagle soaring through the sky. He pulled out his blow dart gun, took aim and shot down the eagle.
The Dr. Then removed it's eye and put it into Tarzan

He knew Tarzan needed an arm so went back out in the jungle and saw an ape swinging through the trees. He once again pulled out his trusty dart gun and took out the ape in one shot. He was then able to replace Tarzans arm.

Now he knew Tarzan couldn't go through life without an appendage. This proved to be difficult. He had to find something perfect. After a long search he finally came across an elephant grazing in a field. Using his blow gun he downed the creature, removed its trunk and attached it to Tarzan.

After a lengthy recovery Tarzan was finally well enough to return to the jungle.

After a few years the witch Dr. saw Tarzan swinging by and called out to him. "Tarzan, how are you doing? ' Tarzan replied thankfully ;" Amazing thank you Dr. With my eye I can see for miles and can protect the jungle from poachers. With my arm i can swing from vine to vine faster then ever and it has the strength of ten men.

Excitedly the Dr asked." What about your penis? "

To which Tarzan replied "It works great and Jane loves it, but every time I walk through an orchard it shoves apples up my ass!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17967 on: April 25, 2020, 11:43:47 PM »
My buddy was in a motorcycle accident and lost half his foot.
He's still the same guy, but he told me that his girlfriend had walked out.
So I explained to him that it is HER that has the problem.

She's lack-toes intolerant.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17968 on: April 25, 2020, 11:44:29 PM »
My friends have re-homed their cat.

They said because of the virus conditions,
they could no longer afford its bad habits...



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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17969 on: April 26, 2020, 09:33:35 AM »
I used to be a motorcycle courier...


Man, those things are heavy..?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17970 on: April 26, 2020, 09:39:47 AM »
Paddy Flanagan is the first man in his small country town to buy a motorcycle and he takes his friend Seamus for a ride.

They are buzzing along through the glens and hills when Seamus begs for a break.
"The wind is coming through my jacket and cutting me chest up."
Paddy tells Seamus to turn his jacket around, wear it backwards and he won't have any more issues with the wind. "Good idea," says Seamus as he turns his jacket around and they are on their way.

Now a good ways from town, Paddy stops to see how Seamus is feeling. At his shock, Seamus is not on the back of the bike!
Paddy turns around and heads back. A mile down the road, he sees a group of farmers standing in the middle of the street.

As he approaches, he sees Seamus laying motionless on the road. "Aw shite," exclaims Paddy, "is he alive?"

"Ay, he was," says one of the farmers. "he was even talking to us, right up until we spun his head around the right way!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17971 on: April 26, 2020, 09:51:45 AM »
My Uncle got pulled over by a motorcycle cop for going 45 over the limit.
The cop stormed up to the drivers window, and yelled:  “GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T HAUL YOUR ASS TO JAIL RIGHT NOW!!”

My uncle replied “Cause I'd look pretty stupid on the back of your motorbike without any safety gear.”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17972 on: April 26, 2020, 09:58:39 AM »
A young man has just gotten his driver's license.
His father offered some words of wisdom.

"Son," he said "In this day and age, the road can be a dangerous place.
First of all, beware of all drunk drivers.
Second, beware of any taxi drivers.
And finally, beware of motorcycles."

"But dad, what about women?"

"Ah. A woman is like a drunk taxi driver on a motorcycle"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17973 on: April 26, 2020, 10:19:08 AM »
I have finally stopped my dog from chasing people on a motorbike.

I've hidden his keys.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17974 on: April 26, 2020, 10:23:04 AM »
Trump says he will bring Jobs back to America;


The problem is that Steve died on October 5th 2011, and nobody has ever been brought back from the grave.
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