Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3069512 times)

Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17025 on: March 09, 2020, 05:22:37 AM »
Windows : Sorry, that password is already in use.

That doesn't mean anything.  If you said username for a specific site you may have a point.
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17026 on: March 09, 2020, 08:39:23 AM »
Every time people find out I drive a motorcycle, they always freak out, and tell me about someone they knew who was injured in a motorcycle accident

I don't get it

I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad left
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17027 on: March 09, 2020, 08:49:45 AM »
“There is no God” -Stephen Hawking, 2011


“There is no Stephen Hawking” -God, 2018
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17028 on: March 09, 2020, 08:51:54 AM »
 :crackup
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17029 on: March 09, 2020, 10:23:31 AM »
A husband caught the flu and stayed home and was being taken care of by his wife. . .
Even though he was sick, it did his heart good to see how much his wife was devoted to him.

Every time the mailman or a delivery man came up the pathway, she would run out and exclaim excitedly, “My husband’s home! My husband’s home!”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17030 on: March 09, 2020, 12:16:52 PM »
The Bakery Boys robbed a bank yesterday.

They came in buns glazing.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17031 on: March 09, 2020, 12:28:53 PM »
They have to do something for a crust.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17032 on: March 09, 2020, 12:29:35 PM »
A new bakery was due to open this morning after much local advertising and hype.

A guy was trying to push his way through the crowd outside the door.

One bloke near the door pushed the guy back several times with the growled warning "We were here first, wait your turn, get in line!"

Finally the line jumper had had enough, and as he turned to leave he said
"You can ALL go and get stuffed, I am not opening the shop today!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17033 on: March 09, 2020, 02:45:16 PM »
A man walked into a bakery with a fish under his arm.

The baker greeted him, and asked how he could help.

"Do you sell fish cakes?", the man asked the baker.

"No, of course we don't!" the baker replies.

"But it's his birthday!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17034 on: March 09, 2020, 02:46:31 PM »
Americans are always asking me where in Australia there "isn't" something trying to kill you....


"School" is my answer.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17035 on: March 09, 2020, 04:47:53 PM »
When England settled her colonies, America got Christian zealots and Australia got convicts, because Australia got first choice.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17036 on: March 09, 2020, 05:22:16 PM »
An Irishman won a gold medal at the Olympics.

His blonde wife was so proud, she had it bronzed.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17037 on: March 10, 2020, 12:50:52 AM »
If a Google employee breaks a limb do they get a Chrome Cast?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17038 on: March 10, 2020, 12:58:33 AM »
An American missionary visits a small farming village in Africa...

He's giving his fire and brimstone speech, preaching to all the locals, and they are INTO IT.
"He is the light and the way," he says, "without whom we would all be damned to eternal hellfire!"

"Hazunga!" Yell the natives.

"Accept Christ as your lord and savior, or be cast down!"

"Hazunga!"

"Repent, and you, too, shall be saved!"

"Hazunga!"

After his speech, the missionary asked one of the village elders if he can see the livestock,
to ensure they're well-taken care of, and free of disease.

The elder says, "Sure, but mind you don't step in the hazunga."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17039 on: March 10, 2020, 01:04:39 AM »
Donald Trump should be cast in an X-Men movie

His secret superpower is to make vast amount of wealth disappear
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17040 on: March 10, 2020, 06:28:27 AM »
I'm disappointed that BIC company doesn't make gardening equipment

Who wouldn't want to have a Dig Bic Plow?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17041 on: March 10, 2020, 09:09:46 AM »
A Blonde attacks a woman wearing a fur coat, and shouts at her angrily -
"Do you have any idea how many minks had to die for you to wear that fur??"

"It's not mink, it's polyester!"

"Doesn't matter!!" screamed the blonde ... "Do you know how many polyesters had to die!?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17042 on: March 10, 2020, 11:49:19 AM »
I went to a costume party dressed as an egg, and I met a girl dressed as a chicken.

I said to her "So, are we going to find out, or what?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17043 on: March 10, 2020, 11:53:27 AM »
Chinese kids don't believe in Santa Claus, because they make all the toys.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17044 on: March 10, 2020, 12:09:11 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17045 on: March 10, 2020, 12:15:40 PM »
What REALLY happened when Trump met with Kimmy in Singapore...

https://youtu.be/_nsAVpBEMQs
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17046 on: March 10, 2020, 12:42:31 PM »
You've got too much free time on your hands, Kev!  :rofl


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17047 on: March 10, 2020, 01:59:48 PM »
Yep!  :grin
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17048 on: March 10, 2020, 02:01:47 PM »
I was sitting on the beach, doing nothing, and was threatened with arrest for impersonating a politician!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17049 on: March 10, 2020, 02:05:36 PM »
I can't believe how much money some people pay per year for toilet paper.

Some people have increased their toilet paper budget by tenfold just in the past couple of months

It's a total rip-off.
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