Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3144585 times)

Bodø · « **Reply #17075 on:** March 12, 2020, 05:18:03 AM »

Contracts were up for tender and the results were announced on tuesday. My company lost the contract for the area I work so slightly anxious. New South Wales' Busways will take over the area from july 1st so hopefully I'll still have a job.

richo · « **Reply #17076 on:** March 12, 2020, 06:58:41 AM »

Hopefully All will turn out ok for you. Worrying time when this sort of change happens

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17077 on:** March 12, 2020, 08:30:30 AM »

A Mexican woman was looking at a car in a showroom.

A salesman asked "Do you need any help, or have any questions?"

Her: "Cargo space?"

Salesman: "Car no do that. Car no fly!"

Shillas · « **Reply #17078 on:** March 12, 2020, 08:54:44 AM »

My wife thinks I don't give her enough privacy.

At least that's what she wrote in her diary.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17079 on:** March 12, 2020, 12:09:12 PM »

A blonde bought a new car, but only on the guarantee that she was not at risk of contracting the car-owner virus.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17080 on:** March 12, 2020, 01:25:45 PM »

If you could choose between a fantastic woman or a fantastic car...

would you choose petrol, diesel, or electric?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17081 on:** March 12, 2020, 02:56:16 PM »

A man walks into a car dealership.
A salesman greets him at the door and after some chatting they end up taking a car for a test drive.

“This car is so quiet sir” exclaims the salesman “the ride is calm and relaxing”.

The man shakes his head “No, I’m buying this car for my wife and I certainly wouldn’t describe her as the ‘quiet and calm’ type”.

The salesman quickly transfers his potential buyer to another car. “Then perhaps this would be more her style! This car is quick, sleek and agile”.

The man sighs “no, my wife is certainly not the ‘sleek’ type by any means.”

Frustrated, the salesman transfers the man to a third car, a sure winner. “Now sir, I happen to know this car is very popular.
Nearly every man who has been here has taken it for a test drive-“

“Sold!”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17082 on:** March 12, 2020, 02:59:36 PM »

A man is hit by a car on a crosswalk.
The driver gets out in a hurry and asks "Are you alright?"

The victim replied "No, I think you broke my arm."

The driver points out towards a medical clinic; "You're lucky, there's a doctor there that can help you!"

The victim makes a sarcastic face.

"I know, I'm the doctor."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17083 on:** March 12, 2020, 05:46:22 PM »

Seen Stevie Wonders new car?

... Neither has he.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17084 on:** March 12, 2020, 06:12:08 PM »

My wife opened my car door for me.

It would have been a nice gesture, if we weren't doing 70mph at the time.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17085 on:** March 12, 2020, 06:14:02 PM »

If Apple makes a car, will it have windows pre-installed?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17086 on:** March 12, 2020, 06:15:52 PM »

Some people brag about their bike having great acceleration...

...but I think its just torque.

Bodø · « **Reply #17087 on:** March 12, 2020, 07:16:21 PM »

That's if you can understand what they are saying, otherwise it's just grunt.

Bodø · « **Reply #17088 on:** March 12, 2020, 07:17:16 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on March 12, 2020, 06:14:02 PM

If Apple makes a car, will it have windows pre-installed?

Just as well they didn't last century. The 95 and 98 models would have been prone to crash.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17089 on:** March 12, 2020, 07:27:04 PM »

The weakest part of a bike is the nut holding the handlebars.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17090 on:** March 12, 2020, 09:03:14 PM »

Did you hear about Meghan Markle's tragic car accident?

I think it's booked for next month.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17091 on:** March 12, 2020, 09:15:24 PM »

Warm night here... ten past 10.pm, and still 24 degrees here, (very light misty rain at the same time, but not enough to register on the rain gauge, it evaporates on contact with the ground)

Clouds moving thru from the north west.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17092 on:** March 12, 2020, 09:19:01 PM »

Just renewed my car insurance over the phone, and as I was about to hang up the lass on the other end asked if I had any pets.

I said, "I've got a couple of cats."

She said, "Would you like to insure them too?"

I said, "Don't be bloody ridiculous woman, they can't drive?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17093 on:** March 12, 2020, 09:36:33 PM »

The word ‘Diputseromneve’ may look ridiculous,

But backwards it’s even more stupid.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #17094 on:** March 12, 2020, 10:01:00 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on March 12, 2020, 06:14:02 PM

If Apple makes a car, will it have windows pre-installed?

Only if it's not a convertible...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17095 on:** March 13, 2020, 01:01:43 AM »

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words.

She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite, I'm perfect!

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17096 on:** March 13, 2020, 01:27:13 AM »

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

which probably explains why so many photographers are broke.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17097 on:** March 13, 2020, 01:34:26 AM »

God took a rib from Adam to create Eve, but issued him with a boner to compensate for the loss.

Bodø · « **Reply #17098 on:** March 13, 2020, 03:40:54 AM »

Interesting thing about cheese: Edam is made backwards.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17099 on:** March 13, 2020, 08:19:21 AM »

What is the loudest word ever spoken?

"Quiet!"

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3144585 times)

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø