Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3022695 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25750 on: January 23, 2021, 12:06:34 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25751 on: January 23, 2021, 12:20:24 PM »
Trump and Biden are trapped on island. Who survives?

America
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25752 on: January 23, 2021, 12:39:27 PM »
A Rabbi who's been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact that he's never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote tropical island and checks into a hotel.

He immediately gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders the most expensive pork dish on the menu. As he's eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name called from across the restaurant.

He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants approaching.
His luck, they'd chosen the same time to visit the same remote location!

Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth.

The Rabbi looks up sheepishly at his congregants and says, "Wow - you order an apple in this place and look how it's served!"



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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25753 on: January 23, 2021, 01:18:17 PM »
Wife: “How do I look?”

Husband: “With your eyes.”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25754 on: January 23, 2021, 02:07:39 PM »
Two archaeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man. It stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate down to the fingernails and teeth.
"It looks real enough to talk," says one.
"Lets try," says the other and turning to the statue he asks it its name.
No answer.
"How old are you?"
No answer.
Finally. one shouts out, "What is the square root of 64?"
Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rises onto its feet and puts its hand on its chin. Then after about ten seconds, the statue answers in a roaring voice, "Eight."
"Of course!" says the scientist, "... It only stands to reason."


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25755 on: January 23, 2021, 02:09:30 PM »
At first I thought it weird that Joe Biden wanted to make his press secretary staff all women.

But then I remembered, that meant he didn't need to pay them as much.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25756 on: January 23, 2021, 02:21:13 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25757 on: January 23, 2021, 04:50:48 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25758 on: January 23, 2021, 05:26:28 PM »
When my wife and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our new car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.

As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle, and discovered that it was unlocked.

 “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “it's open!”
To which he replied, “I know — I already got that side.”


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25759 on: January 23, 2021, 06:53:52 PM »
Trump was so wrong in calling corona "the Chinese virus"

It was manufactured in Japan, and released around 1970.
It was preceded by the release of the Corolla in 1966
According to Toyota marketing records, it went viral in 1974.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25760 on: January 23, 2021, 07:22:29 PM »
Want to know the REAL secret of how Biden won the election?

He got more votes.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25761 on: January 23, 2021, 07:35:22 PM »
If you steal ideas from only one person, it is called plagiarism.

If you steal from many people, it is called research.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25762 on: January 23, 2021, 09:53:29 PM »
The newlywed Blonde went to the store to ask how to operate the new coffeemaker received as a wedding gift.
The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.

A few weeks later the goober was back in the store and the salesman asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

"Wonderful!" she replied, "But... it's just awfully inconvenient to have to go to bed every time I want a cup of coffee."

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25763 on: January 23, 2021, 10:04:52 PM »
Deborah, the busty blonde who was on vacation, sent home a postcard.

She writes: Hi folks, me having a great time. Where am I?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25764 on: January 23, 2021, 10:12:26 PM »
A guy comes home in the middle of the day, finds his wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded.

"What happened here?" he asks.

"I think the waterbed busted," says the trembling wife.

Just then a guy floats by.

"Who's that?" demands the husband.

"I dunno. Must be a lifeguard."

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25765 on: January 24, 2021, 01:59:04 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25766 on: January 24, 2021, 02:21:17 AM »
There are no Irish lawyers ...

because of their inability to pass the bar!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25767 on: January 24, 2021, 05:33:55 AM »
It appears to be that day again where all Irish people get drunk, start fights tonight, then skip work tomorrow.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25768 on: January 24, 2021, 06:22:22 AM »
A woman walked into a butchers shop and started looking around ...
She asked the butcher: "How much is that pigs head in the window?"
The butcher replied: "I'm sorry Madam, that's not a window, that's a mirror."

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25769 on: January 24, 2021, 06:24:36 AM »
It's odd how Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25770 on: January 24, 2021, 06:31:14 AM »
Retirees are so slow to clean out the basement attic or garage because they know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25771 on: January 24, 2021, 10:17:32 AM »


Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of the womb.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25772 on: January 24, 2021, 10:24:58 AM »
Two Texans are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except my mother and my sister."
"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me partner, we done got 'em all!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25773 on: January 24, 2021, 10:25:58 AM »
The Bible tells us to love each other.

The Kama Sutra is way more specific.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #25774 on: January 24, 2021, 10:28:50 AM »
Two dead bodybuilders meet each other in hell.

Dude 1: "Hey there man, you know where I can get a protein shake around here?"

Dude 2: "Sorry, buddy .. there’s no whey in hell!"
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