Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2922149 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16225 on: January 25, 2020, 04:19:54 AM »
Q: Given the terms “crab”, “tuna”, “lobster”, and “Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders”, which is the odd one out?



Ans: “tuna”.

The other 3 are crushed asians.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16226 on: January 25, 2020, 04:32:33 AM »
I watched some of the "URGH!" ... "HAH!" ... "HE- YAH!" ... "ARRRH" on TV last night.


Serena Williams is out of the final.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16227 on: January 25, 2020, 04:41:20 AM »
Not so many dud phone calls or fake emails lately.

Only another week before Scamuary is over?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16228 on: January 25, 2020, 04:55:21 AM »
Beware of this 'New' diet program!

This product not only causes you to lose weight, but as shown by the 'before and after' photo, it also causes tattoos!

« Last Edit: January 25, 2020, 05:00:56 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16229 on: January 25, 2020, 12:39:03 PM »
What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?


One's a fat bucker...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16230 on: January 25, 2020, 05:47:43 PM »
Final score in the Nigeria / Ethiopia footy match.

Nigeria 8 - Ethiopia Didn't.

*********************************

Local restaurant has a "World Cuisine" day once a week, in which one foreign nation's traditional cuisine is on the menu.

Last week, the country was Ethiopia...

...they were closed for the day.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16231 on: January 25, 2020, 07:34:32 PM »
I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting.

We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the gun."

They both ran
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16232 on: January 25, 2020, 07:36:26 PM »
The ice cream truck is going down the street and a lady runs after it, but it doesn't see her and keeps going.

She keeps following until the driver sees her in his mirror. He stops and she's out of breath

Truck driver: “Hey, sorry about that, I didn't see you, what can I get you? “

Out of breath she says “I just wanted to tell you...I'm a vegan”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16233 on: January 25, 2020, 07:47:01 PM »
What is the difference between a street seller and a sausage dog??

A street seller bawls out his wares on the pavement...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16234 on: January 25, 2020, 07:52:47 PM »
Today I crossed a street, changed a light bulb, and walked into a bar.


My whole life is a joke.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16235 on: January 25, 2020, 07:56:17 PM »
I saw a guy walking down the street carrying a long stick.....

I said "Are you a pole vaulter?"

He said "no, I'm German... but how did you know my name?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16236 on: January 25, 2020, 07:56:35 PM »
Today I crossed a street, changed a light bulb, and walked into a bar.
My whole life is a joke.

Did you go knock knock before you walked in?

Was there an Irishman, and Englishman and a Scottsman inside?
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16237 on: January 25, 2020, 10:53:04 PM »
A woman with a clipboard stopped me in the street today, and asked if I could spare 2 minutes to help build a school in Africa.

I said "Sure, but I don’t think we’ll get much done?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16238 on: January 25, 2020, 11:02:38 PM »
Trump was walking along a very narrow alleyway when he came face to face with Joe Biden.

The alley was too narrow for the two to pass.

Trump, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily, "I never make way for fools!"

Smiling, Joe stepped aside and said, "I do!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16239 on: January 26, 2020, 05:57:33 AM »
Time for me to go for a 'local' ride... I wonder how far I will travel today?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16240 on: January 26, 2020, 06:08:24 AM »
A woman with a clipboard stopped me in the street today, and asked if I could spare 2 minutes to help build a school in Africa.

I said "Sure, but I don’t think we’ll get much done?"

I would have said "I charge $100 an hour, payment in advance".
 
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Online Wild Rose

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16241 on: January 26, 2020, 07:21:31 AM »
Time for me to go for a 'local' ride... I wonder how far I will travel today?
Have a good ride Kev
Ride safe  ++
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16242 on: January 26, 2020, 09:24:13 AM »
What he said...  :thumbsup


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16243 on: January 26, 2020, 05:05:30 PM »
I was going to follow your spot Kev but I didn't know the link.  :nahnah
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16244 on: January 26, 2020, 08:18:49 PM »
Arrived home just a few minutes ago, made it home in twilight. Time for a shower and a good rest.
Left home around 10 past 7am, and by the speedo have done 1198 Km today.
Will post a proper report in the morning.  :hatwave  :thumbsup
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16245 on: January 26, 2020, 11:13:20 PM »
'Straya Day run, 2020



I packed my gear on Saturday evening, to ensure I would have a fast start in the morning.
When I woke, it was a beautiful clear day, around 16 degrees, and a bit of gusty wind about.
Last minute change of mind as to what clothing, decided to wear lightweight jacket instead of leather, as it promised to be a warm day.

Didn't realise until an hour later that my phone, ciggies and camera were in the other jacket.
At least my wallet was in my jeans.
MEH! Can do without face filters for the day, and I'm not addicted to the phone.
Bit of a bummer not having the camera, tho.

No real route planned, just a day out on the bike. Out the door at 10 past 7 in the morning.

Headed for Warrnambool first, and then on a whim, took a backroad to Cressy through Cobden.
I avoided Ballarat centre by skipping to the east of it, and headed towards Bendigo, arriving at midday.
Just a 10 minute rest break and an iced coffee before moving on again.

Spot decision to head for Swan Hill through Kerang because, why not? Light traffic, beautiful weather, still a bit windy but just the freedom of being out on the road again, with no timetable other than being home before it gets dark. 
I had to put a splash into the tank from my reserve can as I arrived at Swan Hill at 2.20pm, where I refuelled.
625 Km covered from Portland, and was just 200 metres short of the servo when the bike coughed and missed.
Was around 30 degrees at Swan Hill today. 5 minute break for re hydration via another iced coffee.

On checking the time, I thought I had better start moving back towards home again, so pointed the bike through Donald to Horsham.

Arrived at Horsham just after 5.10 pm, was only light traffic, and warm weather still, and I thought, well, there's a few hours before dark, so I aimed through Edenhope towards Mt Gambier, just for the hell of it, and arrived back home in Portland at 9.15 pm with just a smidgen of daylight left....
Didn't see any live animals on the road for the whole trip. Passed a few spots recently burned by fires.

1198 Km on the speedo for the day, 14 hours in the saddle. Thoroughly enjoyed the day, had an absolute ball!

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Online Wild Rose

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16246 on: January 27, 2020, 07:02:15 AM »
Well done Kev that was a big day out on the bike
1198km not a bad effort
Thanks for sharing  :hatwave
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16247 on: January 27, 2020, 07:40:37 AM »
Nice ride Kev
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16248 on: January 27, 2020, 08:33:27 AM »
Very impressive, Kev!  :clap


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16249 on: January 27, 2020, 09:15:39 AM »
A 94 year old guy went to the heart specialist

He was diagnosed with TMDB.

Too Many Damn Birthday's.
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