Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924793 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15125 on: November 21, 2019, 09:50:35 PM »
I saw a good looking, well built woman at McDonalds spank her kid for throwing his fries on the floor.

So I threw my fries on the floor too
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15126 on: November 21, 2019, 09:55:07 PM »
I saw a guy who was being harassed by 3 other guys, and decided to step in.

The four of us beat the crap out of him.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15127 on: November 21, 2019, 10:12:49 PM »
I was driving down the highway today, and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving.

I was so angry that I stopped texting, put down my burger, and flipped her off with both hands.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15128 on: November 21, 2019, 10:15:32 PM »
Guess who I saw yesterday??





























Everyone I looked at.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15129 on: November 22, 2019, 03:57:14 AM »
Saw my dwarf neighbour at the bus stop this morning... So I stopped and said "Jump in, I will give you a lift"

He screamed profanities at me....

"What an ungrateful mongrel!"  I thought, as i zipped up my backpack, and continued walking.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15130 on: November 22, 2019, 03:58:17 AM »
I saw a guy at Starbucks today


No iPhone.

No tablet.

No laptop.

He just sat there.

Drinking coffee.

Like a Psychopath.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15131 on: November 22, 2019, 04:06:16 AM »
I saw a roadside stand, with a sign that said "Lobster Tails ~ $2".

Bargain!

So I stopped in, and handed the guy $2.

Then the proprietor said, "Once upon a time, there was this lobster, see ..."
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15132 on: November 22, 2019, 04:23:54 AM »
It sounds like all talk to me.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15133 on: November 22, 2019, 09:06:32 AM »
Yeah, he was a bit crusty. :grin
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15134 on: November 22, 2019, 09:11:53 AM »
Cop pulled me over, and saw my vape in the cup holder.

He said, "Ya know, the newspaper says those things can kill you."

I laughed and said "Yeah, they say the same thing about the police, too."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15135 on: November 22, 2019, 02:10:50 PM »
Met a woman at the bar. Her glass was empty.
I asked if I could buy her a beer.
She told me she doesn't drink beer, she prefers a Dickens Cider.

Boy, did I ever get that one wrong!

« Last Edit: November 22, 2019, 08:34:01 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Offline STeveo

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15136 on: November 22, 2019, 04:21:50 PM »
 :rofl :-++
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15137 on: November 22, 2019, 06:07:08 PM »
82% of the methane on Earth comes from the 'dairy air'.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15138 on: November 22, 2019, 06:14:54 PM »
McDonald's was trying to get into the high end steakhouse market, but they realised it would be a huge McSteak.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15139 on: November 22, 2019, 06:33:27 PM »
If two women get legally married, and eventually end up being divorced...

Which one gets three quarters of everything?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15140 on: November 22, 2019, 07:24:52 PM »
Are you searching for a remote job with no prior experience required, $120k base salary+commission, and a high-end company car?

PM me.

.... We'll search together.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15141 on: November 22, 2019, 07:29:01 PM »
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit my ageing friend.
He was busy polishing his penis with black shoe polish?

I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".

Hope he remembers that this year!!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15142 on: November 22, 2019, 08:59:49 PM »
Dr Seuss cheated on his wife and she ended up killing herself.

One wife, two wife, dead wife, new wife
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15143 on: November 22, 2019, 09:04:17 PM »
A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old...
During the wedding party, his friends ask him, “How’d you land someone that young?”

“It’s simple,” said the billionaire, “I faked my age!”

“I mean, I’m 43, and there’s no way I could land her!”, a friend exclaims. “What age did you tell her you were?”

Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, “85 years old.”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15144 on: November 22, 2019, 09:15:09 PM »
I can't see an end.

I have lost control, and I don't think there's any escape.

I don't even have a home anymore!

~ I will buy a new keyboard tomorrow.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15145 on: November 22, 2019, 10:50:15 PM »
Police released CCTV footage of a clairvoyant dwarf serving time for fraud, who escaped custody by lowering himself over a prison wall using knotted bedsheets.

TV News broadcast it as a condescending video of a small medium at large.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15146 on: November 23, 2019, 07:44:18 AM »
Email just arrived claiming I won a $2000 Woolworths gift voucher, requesting 'confirmation' of my non-existent credit card details...?

Source of email was some UK university or other..

I created a temporary email addy, and replied with bogus details.
An email immediately appeared stating that my credit card account had been credited with the winnings, and that a 'processing charge' of $120 was required to be paid immediately via iTunes card/Western Union.

Deleted the temporary email address, and went back to playing solitaire.


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15147 on: November 23, 2019, 08:50:23 AM »
Mass shooting in Soviet Union, government blames the KGB.

Mass shooting in Europe, government blames terrorists.

Mass shooting in United States, government blames video games.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15148 on: November 23, 2019, 09:05:11 AM »
Due to a misunderstanding, Trump promotes 'Grow- ball- warning'
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15149 on: November 23, 2019, 10:12:57 AM »
               Bush   Survival Tip

    Always carry a pack of cards ,if you find yourself lost don't panic !
   Just sit down get the cards out and start playing solitaire .
   Rest assured that within ten minute there will be some burger looking over your shoulder saying put the ten on the jack
 
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