Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924517 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15750 on: December 25, 2019, 01:02:21 PM »
Well, my idea of Christmas lunch from Maccas was FUBAR.

Maccas is closed. (What do they think it is, Christmas?)

Had to settle for a pre-made sandwich from the servo.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15751 on: December 25, 2019, 01:07:28 PM »
He'd be good at poker as he knows when to fold.

 Would probably excel at origami, too!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15752 on: December 25, 2019, 01:12:40 PM »
... and the local cricket club wants to see if he is any good at the crease ...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15753 on: December 25, 2019, 01:14:52 PM »
Can't locate that cowboy, altho I heard him being paged earlier?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15754 on: December 25, 2019, 01:32:10 PM »
Went out for a swim.  A rip got him and now he's papier-mâché.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15755 on: December 25, 2019, 05:48:01 PM »
I was in the shop looking for a jacket to buy for my girlfriend as a present.

I couldn't decide which one to get, so I asked the salesman, "If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, which one would you get?

He said, "A bulletproof one! ... I'm married!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15756 on: December 25, 2019, 06:33:29 PM »
One of the stores is advertising "Excess stock sale! - 50% off Xmas decorations!"

Stupid buggers should have had their sale a week ago, when everyone NEEDED Xmas decorations, and they wouldn't have any excess stock!
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15757 on: December 25, 2019, 06:43:10 PM »
It wasn't excess stock back then.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15758 on: December 25, 2019, 10:26:37 PM »
Judaism is said to be so successful because the religion has a lot of wisdom.

Yes, the Jewish people always ask very wise questions...

Such as "Wise this jacket so damn expensive?! Dontcha have a discount for me??"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15759 on: December 26, 2019, 07:12:55 AM »
No wonder so many bikers are hit by drivers who "didn't see" them.

Maybe its due to to the wearing of leather jackets, because they are made of 'HIDE'?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15760 on: December 26, 2019, 07:20:16 AM »
It was reported today that ScoMo receives two parcels in the mail each week, that contain human excrement.

I dunno who is sending the other one?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15761 on: December 26, 2019, 07:23:27 AM »
A courier knocked on my door and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."

I said "You've got the wrong house then, mate"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15762 on: December 26, 2019, 07:30:32 AM »
I can't believe how stupid the bloke in the Post Office was....

He said that my Parcel was too heavy, and that I needed to put more stamps on it.

Like that's going to make it any lighter?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15763 on: December 26, 2019, 07:47:46 AM »
A golfer is playing golf by himself one Sunday morning. He comes to a par 3 that goes over a lake.

Dejectedly he takes an old scruffed up ball out of his bag and tees it up.

Suddenly he hears a loud, commanding voice from the heavens: “TEE UP A NEW BALL.”

He looks around surprised, then opens a brand new sleeve of Titleist and tees one up.

He hears the voice again: “ TAKE A PRACTICE SWING”.

So he steps back and takes his best practice swing.

He hears the voice again: “TEE UP AN OLD BALL.”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15764 on: December 26, 2019, 05:27:51 PM »
Well, so much for tradition with hot cross buns already on sale before New Year.

We already have Christmas sales in July.

What's next, thanksgiving turkey for sale in April?
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15765 on: December 26, 2019, 05:50:05 PM »
Well, so much for tradition with hot cross buns already on sale before New Year.
We already have christmas sales in July.
What's next, thanksgiving turkey for sale in April?

People get upset by minor things.  If you don't want criss cross buns don't buy them.  As for turkey, you've been able to buy that all year round since god knows when.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15766 on: December 26, 2019, 06:47:01 PM »
Chinese phone service...

"WING! WING!"

"Huawei?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15767 on: December 27, 2019, 03:07:23 AM »
The Bengal Tiger is capable of jumping higher than an average two story colonial house.

This is because of their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average 2 story colonial home can't jump at all.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15768 on: December 27, 2019, 03:09:15 AM »
If a tiger is attacking your mother-in-law, who will you save?

The tiger of course!! They're nearing extinction.
« Last Edit: December 27, 2019, 03:13:48 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15769 on: December 27, 2019, 03:14:29 AM »
The US Government spent $365,000 to test the effect of cocaine on rats sex drive...
The study has been met with fierce criticism by guinea pigs.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15770 on: December 27, 2019, 03:22:38 AM »
First visit to Australia

Ken: "What do you think of Australia so far?"

Barbie: "Get these damn shrimp off me!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15771 on: December 27, 2019, 03:40:04 AM »
Lee Wong told me that his grandpa survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.


The fact that he migrated to Australia in 1934 helped a lot.
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Offline Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15772 on: December 27, 2019, 09:11:54 AM »
Yesterday I went to coles to buy a cabbage - I was told there is a new law that if you buy a cabbage from coles, you’re legally required to purchase carrots and mayonnaise as well.

Apparently it’s coles law.
Shillas :13Candy

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VN 800 - gone
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ST 1300 - In the garage
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15773 on: December 27, 2019, 09:37:29 AM »
It's Kewpie or it's nothing.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15774 on: December 27, 2019, 09:39:48 AM »
 :rofl :thumb
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