Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3061449 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15800 on:** December 29, 2019, 08:49:03 AM »

We had a ‘swear jar’ in our home when I was growing up.

When I pissed off my father he would throw $20 in the jar, and then beat the crap out of me.

Bodø · « **Reply #15801 on:** December 29, 2019, 08:49:37 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on December 29, 2019, 08:47:41 AM

Morning Bodø, Have a great day.

Home now before it got hot so it's a great day.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15802 on:** December 29, 2019, 08:51:53 AM »

Reached in the fridge, pulled out an empty Cheese Whiz jar.

I guess it's now Cheese Was.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15803 on:** December 29, 2019, 08:55:16 AM »

Some guy was carrying a jar of Mayo along the beach.

He said he was going to take a dip in the ocean.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15804 on:** December 29, 2019, 08:59:21 AM »

I really hate it when street beggars shake their coin jar at me.

I know you have more money than me, you don’t have to be a complete dick about it!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15805 on:** December 29, 2019, 09:07:53 AM »

A Blonde Walks into Subway...
She orders a simple footlong sandwich and goes to the register.

"That'll be $6.70," says the cashier.

The blonde tries to use the chip on her card, but it doesn't work.

So she tries it again, and still nothing.

Finally she tries to swipe and it does nothing.

The cashier is annoyed at this struggle. "Go ahead and take it for free," he says.

The blonde is so happy, that she pulls out a 10 dollar bill, leaves it in the tip jar and walks out.

Bodø · « **Reply #15806 on:** December 29, 2019, 09:35:41 AM »

I'm hiding from exercise. I'm in the fitness protection program.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15807 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:02:33 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15808 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:14:30 AM »

Many years ago, on Christmas Eve, everything went wrong at the North Pole.
Mrs Claus was in a foul mood, the reindeer had the runs, the elves were on strike and Rudolph had hit the bottle pretty hard.

Santa was pretty pissed-off and about to explode, when a little angel walked in with a freshly cut spruce tree.

"-- Where do you want me to put the tree, Santa?" the little Angel asked.

And this is why there is a little angel at the top of the Christmas tree...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15809 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:17:42 AM »

My dad was Korean and my mom was Mexican

Hi, my name is Guacamo Lee

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15810 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:29:18 AM »

Three Men are sitting at a bus stop
The first man says, "I served in the U.S. Army for 10 years. I was involved in the Korean War."

The second man says, "Nice. I served in the United States Marine Corps for 8 years. I was involved in the Iraq War."

The third man says, "I was involved in the War on Drugs. I served 15 years at San Quentin."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15811 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:32:21 AM »

50% of South Koreans have cataracts.

The other 50% drive Rincolns.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15812 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:35:20 AM »

A blonde said to her friends ... "I don't understand why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.
I mean, they're all Chinese, aren't they?".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15813 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:40:57 AM »

In the Democratic Republic of North Korea, every single citizen has the right to vote.

... for the one candidate on the ballot.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15814 on:** December 29, 2019, 01:06:42 PM »

Good day to stay inside, Bodø. Adelaide temp is double what we currently have here.

Bodø · « **Reply #15815 on:** December 29, 2019, 01:11:06 PM »

That's why I left before sunrise, got what I wanted at sunrise, came home and parked the bike up for the day.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15816 on:** December 29, 2019, 07:27:08 PM »

Hello...is your refrigerator running?

Yes? ... I guess you're not in North Korea.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15817 on:** December 29, 2019, 08:08:26 PM »

Acoustic guitar player was working a gig at an eatery, playing background music for the diners.

As expected, he was ignored until surprisingly after one tune, he heard someone clapping vigorously.

Of course, he looked around to acknowledge the person.

That's when he spotted the guy pounding on the bottom of a sauce bottle ...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15818 on:** December 29, 2019, 09:03:47 PM »

A friend was chatting to me this evening about her no-hoper jobless druggy son who had his 26th birthday just a couple days ago.
He had the hide to demand money from her as a birthday present?

By the time I had reached that age I had already learned a trade, done military service overseas, travelled around the world, been married and divorced, toured Australia for almost 4 years and then rejoined the Army. WITHOUT asking for monetary assistance.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15819 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:07:01 PM »

"Tell me what you want." I whispered, as I slid my finger up and down her G string.

She moaned...
"I want my guitar back!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15820 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:10:55 PM »

Once there was a mountain to which people would travel from leagues around.

At the summit of this mountain was a magic cradle which would heal the illness of any child placed in it, but only if the child's parent would then roll up into a ball and tumble down the mountain. If the parent walked down at all, the child would not be healed.
A poor woman who's baby was desperately ill travelled for many miles and came to the base of the mountain.

There she met a small boy with some drums who told her to take courage, that his name was Benny and that the trek would be hard but the end would be worth it.

So she hiked up the mountain.

A quarter of the way up she met a woman playing a piano who told her. "My my name is Ethel. Stay strong, you baby will be made well.

So she continued on.

Half way up the mountain she met a little girl who played a violin and said. My name is Emily. Drink from this stream if you're thirsty. It's not far now. Stay strong.

So the woman continued on and on. A fog rolled in. She despaired and thought about giving up.
Little did she know she was only 5 minutes from the magic cradle.

Suddenly the fog parted and there stood 5 men in front of her, the closest with a guitar in his hands.
He struck a mighty chord and yelled.

"WE ARE AC/DC!
... AND IT'S A LONG WAY TO THE TOP, IF YOU WANNA ROCK AND ROLL!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15821 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:14:04 PM »

Upon re-examination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction.

Traffic accidents.

Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15822 on:** December 29, 2019, 10:57:45 PM »

Crazy commercial, Channel 7?

"Michael Hills Boxing day sale! ... ends Sunday!"

Errr.... do you think it's appropriate to run this commercial at 3 minutes to midnight on Sunday night?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #15823 on:** December 30, 2019, 01:43:27 AM »

Flat Earthers are hard to believe, especially when they claim to have supporters "all around the globe"

Gadget · « **Reply #15824 on:** December 30, 2019, 06:36:55 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on December 29, 2019, 10:57:45 PM

Crazy commercial, Channel 7?

"Michael Hills Boxing day sale! ... ends Sunday!"

Errr.... do you think it's appropriate to run this commercial at 3 minutes to midnight on Sunday night?

They get to charge the advertiser.......

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Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3061449 times)

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