Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2927213 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11375 on: March 08, 2019, 05:17:53 AM »
Unquestionably, there is progress every where.

The average worker now pays out more in taxes as he formerly received in wages.

( Too true! I can remember being paid around $80 per week as a tradie! )

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11376 on: March 08, 2019, 05:23:46 AM »
When you don't drink, people always need to know why.
They're like, 'You don't drink? Why?'

This never happens with anything else. 'You don't eat mayonnaise?
Why? Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it OK if I use mayonnaise?'

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11377 on: March 08, 2019, 05:25:45 AM »
What's the occasion?  I was sober.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11378 on: March 08, 2019, 05:26:46 AM »
As for mayonnaise,  I don't eat Australian mayonnaise because it's crap.  Kewpie ftw.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11379 on: March 08, 2019, 07:42:29 PM »
This kiddie will go a long way in life...

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11380 on: March 08, 2019, 07:51:21 PM »
Medal winning Gymnastics performance

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11381 on: March 08, 2019, 07:53:16 PM »
"Put some oil in the engine" he said.... Yep!... she's blonde!

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11382 on: March 08, 2019, 11:03:42 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11383 on: March 08, 2019, 11:04:20 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11384 on: March 09, 2019, 05:10:03 AM »
I think Kev must have slept in.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11385 on: March 09, 2019, 06:04:47 AM »
Heavy day yesterday, with funeral of a young friend who died 2 weeks ago.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11386 on: March 09, 2019, 06:10:29 AM »
Novel nut dispenser.

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11387 on: March 09, 2019, 07:32:01 AM »
I certainly wouldn't eat those nuts.
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11388 on: March 09, 2019, 05:51:11 PM »
Nuts by name, nuts by nature.

(Trump, not the nuts)



(It's called a temper tantrump)
« Last Edit: March 09, 2019, 06:48:57 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11389 on: March 09, 2019, 08:38:29 PM »
I certainly wouldn't eat those nuts.


I'd rather those than these:

 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11390 on: March 09, 2019, 09:29:54 PM »
 :rofl
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Offline ppopeye

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11391 on: March 09, 2019, 09:54:45 PM »

Have you tried this Kev?


AUSSIE ANGER MANAGEMENT.
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an arsehole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'arsehole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an arsehole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'arsehole' calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Telstra. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an ARSEHOLE!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole ( I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW arsehole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house,and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an arsehole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Arsehole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an arsehole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Arsehole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole," and hung up.
Then I called Arsehole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, Arsehole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, arsehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
ppopeye

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11392 on: March 09, 2019, 09:56:07 PM »
There are hundreds of different languages and dialects in India.

However, the most popular Indian language is that spoken by Telemarketers, which is rarely listened to or understood by anybody, worldwide.

This language is mainly transmitted telephonically, and is known as 'U-Bai'  or 'U-Pay'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11393 on: March 09, 2019, 10:10:37 PM »
Nadya Suleman, the Octo Mom, has a new reality show on TV.

It's called '14 Kids on Welfare!' (Subtitled - The Grand Canyon)
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Offline STeveo

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11394 on: March 10, 2019, 06:14:29 AM »
 :rofl Thanks ppopeye, that made my day.  :rofl
 

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11395 on: March 10, 2019, 06:15:56 AM »
Long, but very good.   :rofl
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11396 on: March 10, 2019, 10:15:13 AM »
What to do in case of Nuclear blast.

Remove all sharp objects from pockets.

Crouch down and put arms around knees.

Kiss your butt goodbye.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11397 on: March 10, 2019, 07:46:11 PM »
Another blast from the past. True story.

When I was in high school, aged about 16?

Our teacher posed the question "Which would travel faster from Adelaide to Darwin, a ship or a submarine?"

We had this dinkbrain in the class, I forget the fools name, but he said that the submarine could get there faster, 'cos it could 'shortcut' under Australia.
 :o
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11398 on: March 10, 2019, 11:02:16 PM »
A doctor advised a man, "You want to improve your love life?
You need to get some more exercise, try to run about ten kilometres each morning."

Three weeks later, the man phoned the doctor.
The doctor asked, "How is your love life since you have been running?"

"Absolutely miserable - I'm 200 km away from home!"

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11399 on: March 10, 2019, 11:20:44 PM »
A glass that can't be filled .... but then, it's never empty, either!

- Bugger the glass, I want me one of them bottles!

« Last Edit: March 10, 2019, 11:25:43 PM by Kev Murphy »
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