Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2923903 times)

Online NTRebel

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12875 on: July 16, 2019, 11:11:24 PM »
What's the difference between a Canberran pollywaffle and a shop bought pollywaffle?

A shop bought pollywaffle costs less tastes better and does more good for the country.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12876 on: July 16, 2019, 11:18:47 PM »
Too true!
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12877 on: July 17, 2019, 01:31:56 PM »
Miserable weather here again today.

Had a visitor earlier, whose computer I overhauled last weekend. She gave me the gift of a pair of thermal sox for repairing her computer.

My mate and his missus also just called in, with the gift of ANOTHER two pairs of thermal sox!

So there you have it!... definitive proof that your Sox appeal increases with age!

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12878 on: July 17, 2019, 07:53:02 PM »
Miserable weather here again today.

Had a visitor earlier, whose computer I overhauled last weekend. She gave me the gift of a pair of thermal sox for repairing her computer.

My mate and his missus also just called in, with the gift of ANOTHER two pairs of thermal sox!

So there you have it!... definitive proof that your Sox appeal increases with age!


:ROFL

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Gary
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12879 on: July 17, 2019, 07:59:10 PM »
 :grin
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12880 on: July 18, 2019, 12:06:04 AM »
When touring in the early 70's, my bike tank had the name 'Michael Hunter' emblazoned across it.

At one traffic stop near Sydney where they were doing random license checks, the policeman asked me: "This your bike?"
Me: "Yep!"
Him: "Whats this?" (pointing to the name)
Me: "Occupation!"

Took him several seconds for it to register...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12881 on: July 18, 2019, 12:28:28 AM »
When Jeff and I first reached the Gold Coast on our tour during 1974, there was a Federal election due
with advertising billboards everywhere, and we were confused as to who we should vote for... 

.. L J Hooker or Ray White ?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12882 on: July 18, 2019, 08:11:29 AM »
When touring in the early 70's, my bike tank had the name 'Michael Hunter' emblazoned across it.


Which ‘Michael Hunter’?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12883 on: July 18, 2019, 09:05:11 AM »
The Mike Hunt from Porky's?

edit: I just noticed you said Hunter.
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12884 on: July 19, 2019, 12:06:12 AM »
A rich businessman enters a bar and announces he’s looking for a good deal.

Before long an old man approaches him with an old lamp. “Excuse me sir, would you like to buy this very rare lamp?”

“For how much?” The businessman asks.

“1.5 billion dollars. A steal, if you ask me. It is worth much more” The old man says.

“1.5 BILLION DOLLARS?!” The businessman shouts, getting angry at the audacity of the old man, but the other interrupts him.

“I understand your thoughts” the old man says quickly, “ but you see, this is a magic lamp. It has a genie inside it. Three wishes per person, no less!”

“Oh, really? Show me, then” The businessman says mockingly.

“Well, of course. I saved my last wish just for this” the old man smiles as he rubs the lamp. To the businessman’s surprise, a genie really pops out!

“What is your third wish, master?” The genie says majestically. The old man grins at the businessman’s mesmerised face before making his last wish. “A mug of coffee, please.”

The genie snaps his fingers, and a mug of coffee appears before the old man. The businessman stares slack-jawed at the mug as the genie disappears. The old man smiles. “Well?”

“I’ll buy it” The businessman replies immediately, writing him a cheque, taking the lamp and leaving before the old man can change his mind.

After getting home, the businessman rubs the lamp hopefully, and sure enough, the genie appears.

“What is your first wish, mas-” The genie starts, before being interrupted by the businessman.

“I wish for all the money I gave the old man, as well as a new yacht, a mansion and a limousine!” The businessman blurts out quickly.

The genie stares at the businessman for a few seconds, then says awkwardly:

“M-my apologies master, I only serve coffee and tea.”
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12885 on: July 19, 2019, 12:09:51 AM »
The Democrats have finally agreed to sign over $25 Billion for the construction of the border wall, on one condition...

... that Trump stays on the other side.



Trump agreed.

...but the Mexicans refused.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12886 on: July 19, 2019, 12:19:37 AM »
A man was in a coma for 20 years.
After waking up, he receives a phone call from his bank.

He hears: "Mr. Johnson, due to recent economic events, the total value of your investment portfolio is now $950 million."

The man, thrilled to hear that, goes to the hospital cafe to get a coffee to celebrate.

When he reaches the cafe, he said "I'd like a coffee, please."

The cashier tells him "That'll be 147 thousand dollars."
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12887 on: July 19, 2019, 12:26:59 AM »
At the stroke of midnight on News Years Eve, one Blonde was heard to say to another:

 "Oh WOW! ... can you believe that the Earth is really 2018 years old?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12888 on: July 19, 2019, 12:29:43 AM »
Never buy condoms 'Made in China'

One look at their population, and you will understand why...
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12889 on: July 19, 2019, 12:34:34 AM »
A billion seconds ago Menzies was Prime Minister.

A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.

A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.

A billion dollars ago was late yesterday afternoon at the Australian Tax Office.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12890 on: July 19, 2019, 12:39:42 AM »
You will never see penguins in the UK, because they are scared of Wales...
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12891 on: July 19, 2019, 02:35:59 AM »
Cats are a metaphor for Great Britain and Brexit.


They can’t choose between staying in or getting out.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12892 on: July 19, 2019, 02:38:06 AM »
Co-joined blonde twins travelled from New Zealand to the USA, so that the other one could learn to drive...
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12893 on: July 19, 2019, 03:27:13 AM »
A big earthquake hits the Middle East...
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East.
Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock. The USA is sending troops to help. Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending Supplies. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the Infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams And supplies.

GREAT BRITAIN, not to be outdone, Is sending two million replacement Muslims.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12894 on: July 19, 2019, 07:11:41 AM »
Light aircraft crashes in Scotland!


... Two kilt.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12895 on: July 19, 2019, 07:22:15 AM »
And Australia is sending all our politicians.

A big earthquake hits the Middle East...
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East.
Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured.
Iraq and Iran are totally ruined and the governments don’t know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock. The USA is sending troops to help. Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Latin American countries are sending Supplies. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the Infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams And supplies.

GREAT BRITAIN, not to be outdone, Is sending two million replacement Muslims.
I'm not strange i'm just not normal {Salvador Dahli}
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12896 on: July 19, 2019, 10:00:39 AM »
When touring in the early 70's, my bike tank had the name 'Michael Hunter' emblazoned across it.


Which ‘Michael Hunter’?


Why ‘Michael Hunter’?   Please explain..said Pauline 🤓
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12897 on: July 19, 2019, 10:24:36 AM »
  :grin :thumb  :Norty
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12898 on: July 19, 2019, 11:45:26 AM »
People in Dubai do not watch The Flintstone movies.


... but people in Abu Dhabi do!
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #12899 on: July 19, 2019, 02:00:43 PM »
A large business dispatched the Blonde secretary to the local car dealer to purchase a fleet of jeeps.

She returned a short while later and said to the big boss:

"We will have to choose another brand of vehicle.
... when I reached the dealer, there was a big sign up that said:

'THERE IS ONLY ONE JEEP!' "
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