Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3070847 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12525 on:** June 10, 2019, 02:46:04 AM »

Raw deal ...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12526 on:** June 10, 2019, 02:46:55 AM »

STeveo · « **Reply #12527 on:** June 10, 2019, 07:49:20 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12528 on:** June 10, 2019, 10:18:00 AM »

President Trump tweeted that in the last month, he has created 50,000 new jobs.

Yeah, they're called Trump campaign workers.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12529 on:** June 10, 2019, 11:31:30 AM »

Dr. Newton's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives, sales people, accountants and especially liberal arts majors."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two well known postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time.
Since: Knowledge = Power, then Knowledge = Work / Time, and Time = Money, then Knowledge = Work / Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Therefore, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

This clearly explains why Pollies are paid such high salaries.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12530 on:** June 10, 2019, 02:41:08 PM »

Would a fat psychic be called a four-chin teller?

Bodø · « **Reply #12531 on:** June 10, 2019, 02:48:37 PM »

Are you face reading now?

CallMeSteve · « **Reply #12532 on:** June 10, 2019, 03:56:18 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 10, 2019, 11:31:30 AM

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Therefore, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

What a ripper! As an ex-engineer I rather appreciate this one.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12533 on:** June 10, 2019, 06:14:00 PM »

Crappy idea!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12534 on:** June 10, 2019, 06:49:11 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12535 on:** June 10, 2019, 09:26:12 PM »

Bummer!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12536 on:** June 10, 2019, 09:30:39 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12537 on:** June 10, 2019, 09:34:06 PM »

Seen the new Greens Party KFC Bucket?

Nothing but left wings and assholes!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12538 on:** June 10, 2019, 10:06:48 PM »

Just 10 minutes ago my phone rang, 'Overseas' displayed....

I picked up and said "Nine one one emergency, Fire, Police or Ambulance?"

... and the pin-brain hung up!

Bloodman · « **Reply #12539 on:** June 11, 2019, 12:34:33 PM »

Keep up the good work Kev.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12540 on:** June 11, 2019, 08:09:53 PM »

What do you give an armless child for Christmas?

Nothing, he wouldn’t be able to open it anyways.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12541 on:** June 11, 2019, 08:12:35 PM »

At a first date:

He: “I work with animals every day!”

She: “Oh how sweet! I love people who care for animals, what is it that you do?”

He: “I’m a butcher.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12542 on:** June 11, 2019, 08:14:20 PM »

One man's trash is another Man's treasure?

Wonderful saying, but a horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12543 on:** June 11, 2019, 08:15:44 PM »

I got a job as a librarian, but it only lasted half an hour.

Seems that books about women's rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12544 on:** June 11, 2019, 08:18:10 PM »

Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday."

Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"

Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer."

Friend, "But that doesn't kill you?""

Johnny, "I know, but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing, so Dad shot him!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12545 on:** June 11, 2019, 10:49:47 PM »

An elderly man is stopped by the police on his way to work. Everywhere are busy policemen.
-
“What’s going on?” asks the guy.
-
“We’re searching for a rapist, sir,” replies the police officer.

“Oh,” the man thinks for a second, “Well alright, I’ll do it. Where is she?”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12546 on:** June 11, 2019, 10:54:34 PM »

I’ll never understand how you can run second in a biathlon. I mean – you’ve got a gun, haven’t you?!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12547 on:** June 11, 2019, 10:56:32 PM »

Did you know that my Pitbull has an extra leg?

He just got back from the playground.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12548 on:** June 11, 2019, 11:01:38 PM »

Two men talking on a bus:

“I’ve been riding this bus to work for 15 years now.”
-
“Lord Almighty, where did you get on?!”

Bodø · « **Reply #12549 on:** June 11, 2019, 11:02:08 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 11, 2019, 10:56:32 PM

Did you know that my Pitbull has an extra leg?
He just got back from the playground.

So do I. I just got back from KFC.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3070847 times)

Bodø

Bodø