Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3006659 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12575 on:** June 12, 2019, 01:59:23 PM »

According to an email, the FBI is after me again for failing to pay a traffic fine.
They DO accept iTunes cards for payment tho.

How on EARTH people actually fall for rubbish like this is beyond me?

Brock · « **Reply #12576 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:04:20 PM »

This one from Thailand says Spring Roll

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12577 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:06:33 PM »

Good thing it doesn't say "Honey roll and lettuce"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12578 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:08:33 PM »

"Doctor, please help? For a couple of months now, I’ve been hearing this horrible whistling after I’ve had intercourse with my wife."

"And what did you expect? A standing ovation?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12579 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:27:32 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12580 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:29:31 PM »

I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you seen my cat?”

So I called the number, and said that I haven’t. - I like to help where I can.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12581 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:31:32 PM »

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are.
He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why don’t you do that?”

The husband: “Are you crazy? I hardly know that woman!”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12582 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:51:58 PM »

Two dogs driving down the street, one said "Pull over here .. this looks like a good barking spot."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12583 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:53:10 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12584 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:55:31 PM »

Still raining here ... can't think of a single valid reason to step outside.

NTRebel · « **Reply #12585 on:** June 12, 2019, 02:57:42 PM »

maybe to have a shower just remember the soap.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12586 on:** June 12, 2019, 03:01:23 PM »

Already had a hot shower today Paul. WITH soap. Don't need a cold one.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12587 on:** June 12, 2019, 03:04:05 PM »

Clown caller claiming to be from Telstra, asked me to give him my name and account number for verification.
I replied "If you are from Telstra, you already know my name and account number"

Gadget · « **Reply #12588 on:** June 12, 2019, 04:19:29 PM »

Quote from: Brock on June 12, 2019, 02:04:20 PM

This one from Thailand says Spring Roll

:ROFL

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12589 on:** June 12, 2019, 06:49:43 PM »

Women usually claim childbirth is the most painful experience of their lives.

Until they start stepping on Legos about three years later.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12590 on:** June 12, 2019, 06:51:39 PM »

My Dentist died!

He’s filling his last cavity now.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12591 on:** June 12, 2019, 06:53:54 PM »

Two snails are chatting on the sidewalk.
“I have to cross the road,” says one.

“Well, be careful,” says the other one,
“There’s a bus due tomorrow!.“

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12592 on:** June 12, 2019, 06:57:02 PM »

Husband: "Wow!, honey, you look really different today.
Did you do something with your hair?"

Wife: "Ummm, ... Michael?, ... I’m over here!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12593 on:** June 12, 2019, 07:03:29 PM »

Talk is cheap, except when you speak to a lawyer.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12594 on:** June 12, 2019, 10:23:56 PM »

Always be aware of your limitations, as well as your capabilities.

A fighter pilot who was assigned to escort duty for a C-130 approached his post, and then did a victory roll around the other aircraft. "Hows that!" he exclaimed over the radio.
The Hercules pilot replied "Watch this!", and the Herc continued to fly straight and level for the next 15 minutes.
Then the pilot of the cargo aircraft radioed "What do you think of that?"
"What did you do?" queried the confused fighter pilot.
"Nuthin' much... switched to auto pilot, went to the toilet, had a couple hands of cards and a coffee with the loadmaster in the cargo bay while my lunch heated in the microwave...."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12595 on:** June 12, 2019, 10:32:12 PM »

Two blind men meet at the supermarket.

One says to the other: “Hey dude, long time no see!”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12596 on:** June 12, 2019, 10:34:20 PM »

A truly delicious tofu recipe?

1) Chuck the tofu.

2) Fry a juicy steak instead.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12597 on:** June 12, 2019, 10:36:30 PM »

I just met a gorgeous blonde girl with long legs. She’s a babysitter.

Does anybody know where I can rent a kid for a few days?

Brock · « **Reply #12598 on:** June 12, 2019, 10:44:55 PM »

Quote

"Nuthin' much... switched to auto pilot, went to the toilet, had a couple hands of cards and a coffee with the loadmaster in the cargo bay while my lunch heated in the microwave...."

They dont have a microwave, but there is an oven for heating frozen meals, and a hot water urn. Toilet is right down the back on the left side (has a curtain fo privacy)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12599 on:** June 12, 2019, 10:51:47 PM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3006659 times)