Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2926835 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38150 on: October 16, 2021, 04:27:30 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38151 on: October 16, 2021, 04:28:13 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38152 on: October 16, 2021, 04:30:14 PM »
Three Southern Belles are sipping a lemonade on the porch swing one hot summer day.
The first one says "Ah heard tell of a boah kissin' anothuh boah. They call them 'ho-mo-seck-shules'."

They all giggle and fan themselves.

The second one says "Wail, AH heard of a gurl kissin' anothuh gurl. They call them 'lez-bee-ans'."

They all turn slightly red and sip their lemonade.

The third one says "Wail, AH know a boah who kisses a gurl on her prahhh-vit pahts between huhr laigs."

"Oh mah," the first one says. "What do they cawl him?"

"Wail, AH call him 'precious'," she smiles.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38153 on: October 16, 2021, 04:37:50 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38154 on: October 16, 2021, 04:43:10 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38155 on: October 16, 2021, 04:46:56 PM »
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are sitting on the back porch one evening.
Thibodeaux hands Boudreaux a bottle of homemade bayou whiskey and says, "Boudreaux, I want you to have this bottle of whiskey as a gift from me to you."

Boudreaux thanks Thibodeaux and takes a swig out of the bottle.

Upon tasting the whiskey, Boureaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, "You know Thibodeaux, I do believe that the whiskey in this here bottle is perfect and could not be any better."

Thibodeaux in surprise, and somewhat agitation, snaps back and says, "What d' ya mean that whiskey is perfect? How's dat possible?"

After taking another sip out of the bottle, Boudreaux explains, "Well, if this whiskey had been any worse, I couldn't have drank it. But if this whiskey had been any better, you wouldn't have given it to me."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38156 on: October 16, 2021, 05:56:18 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38157 on: October 16, 2021, 06:01:48 PM »
Just had a pushy telemarketer trying to sell me a new phone. Optus.

He hung up when I told him I was recording the call to pass on to the courts, because he was in breach of the 'do not call' register.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38158 on: October 16, 2021, 06:12:19 PM »
Jake was sitting on the porch with his little sister, and said, "Look, there's a quarter on the road!"
His sister jumped up and ran into the street to get the coin, and was promptly hit by a car.
Jake just laughed and laughed, because he knew it was only a nickel.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38159 on: October 16, 2021, 09:01:30 PM »
A young man goes off to university in a town several hours drive from where his parents live.
Two months later, he write to his folks.

The letter reads, "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm having a great time! I've enclosed a picture, as you can see I've grown a nice goatee! Don't I look like a Count?"

The father says to his wife, "Well that's upsetting. We spend all this money sending him to school, and he can't even spell."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38160 on: October 16, 2021, 09:05:12 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38161 on: October 16, 2021, 09:05:38 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38162 on: October 16, 2021, 09:06:07 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38163 on: October 16, 2021, 09:10:07 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38164 on: October 16, 2021, 09:12:41 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38165 on: October 17, 2021, 12:22:25 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38166 on: October 17, 2021, 12:47:40 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38167 on: October 17, 2021, 03:07:32 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38168 on: October 17, 2021, 03:12:41 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38169 on: October 17, 2021, 03:43:50 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38170 on: October 17, 2021, 05:31:18 AM »
I was furious when I found my wife's profile on an on-line dating website.

That lying witch is NOT, "Fun to be around."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38171 on: October 17, 2021, 09:32:14 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38172 on: October 17, 2021, 09:43:21 AM »
A worker was stopped by a cop at the gates of a winery
Cop: "Sorry the winery is closed today due to an ongoing investigation. Please go home."

Worker: "What happened?"

Cop: "One of your colleagues fell into a wine vat, and drowned."

Worker: "Oh my God. That is terrible."

Cop: "It appears he died doing what he loved doing."

Worker: "How can you say that? Everyone hates working here!"

Cop: "Well, the CCTV footage showed him getting out of the tank three times to take a leak."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38173 on: October 17, 2021, 09:43:57 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #38174 on: October 17, 2021, 09:50:03 AM »
Taxiing down the tarmac, the 767 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After a hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant.
"It took us a while to find another pilot."
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