Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3064979 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1275 on:** August 06, 2016, 05:30:04 PM »

Two English businessmen in London were sitting down for a break in their soon-to be, new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thickheaded tourist is going to
walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Aussie walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Australian accent
asked 'What are you selling here, mate ?’

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ar**-holes.'

Without skipping a beat, the Aussie said,
'You're doing well ... Only got two left in stock!'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1276 on:** August 07, 2016, 07:13:03 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1277 on:** August 07, 2016, 09:24:42 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1278 on:** August 07, 2016, 08:02:54 PM »

"Some people will do anything for entertainment... go to the opening of an envelope, bet on cockroach racing, ant counting, worm wrestling....
even attending Benefits... I went to one once, 'Save the Shrimp!' .. what a fish that was! "

( Thanks to the late Robin Williams for these gems )

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1279 on:** August 07, 2016, 08:12:18 PM »

A friend dropped by tonight, took one look at my head dressing, and said ..

"SHAYZUS GRYST!! (.. or words to that effect ) ... did you set your alfoil cap to deep fry, instead of simmer?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1280 on:** August 07, 2016, 09:36:39 PM »

Well Hello!

Just me...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1281 on:** August 07, 2016, 09:51:26 PM »

Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days.
And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick, “What school?”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1282 on:** August 07, 2016, 09:53:17 PM »

Pessimist: "Things just can't get any worse!"

Optimist: "Nah, of course they can!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1283 on:** August 07, 2016, 09:54:48 PM »

A naked woman robbed a bank, but nobody saw her face......

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1284 on:** August 07, 2016, 09:56:41 PM »

I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you seen my cat?”

So I called the number and said that I haven’t seen it.

I like to help where I can.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1285 on:** August 07, 2016, 10:01:16 PM »

The inventor of AutoCorrect is a stupid mass hole. He can fake right off.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1286 on:** August 07, 2016, 10:01:52 PM »

There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell.

Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the lawn?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1287 on:** August 07, 2016, 10:05:27 PM »

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S.
One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well.
So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.'
The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1288 on:** August 07, 2016, 10:11:15 PM »

I got a speed camera photo in the mail today, along with a demand for $125.

I sent it right back – way too expensive, and really poor quality.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1289 on:** August 08, 2016, 10:43:49 AM »

I don't think the Gubbermint want us to be free thinkers... I think they want us sedated.

You know, like, so we don't notice things -- like who's running it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1290 on:** August 08, 2016, 01:17:31 PM »

Watson.. "Hey Sherlock?... what's the bottom of the ocean made of?"

Sherlock Holmes... "Sedimentary, my dear Watson!"

Damien ball · « **Reply #1291 on:** August 08, 2016, 02:17:47 PM »

Might be a few blind spots on this one i think.

Sent from my SM-N910G using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1292 on:** August 08, 2016, 08:46:59 PM »

Would need at least a rear facing wide angle cam, dunno about visibility to the right?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1293 on:** August 08, 2016, 09:12:23 PM »

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Annie: "Eggs and Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Jimmy: "Bacon and Pork!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Little Johnny: "Bloody Homework!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1294 on:** August 08, 2016, 09:21:11 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1295 on:** August 08, 2016, 09:21:29 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1296 on:** August 09, 2016, 10:40:03 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1297 on:** August 09, 2016, 11:49:46 PM »

Just done my laundry... rolling thunder and .... more rain outside.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1298 on:** August 10, 2016, 02:55:53 PM »

Rained a little overnight, cleared this morning, and now its pelting down again!

STroppy · « **Reply #1299 on:** August 10, 2016, 03:40:49 PM »

KompRain, KompRain, KompRain . . . Don't you ever let up . . .

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Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3064979 times)