Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3069121 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1325 on:** August 14, 2016, 12:22:40 AM »

A woman answered a knock at the door to find a salesman there.
"Good Morning!" he said "I am here to introduce you to, and demonstrate to you, our all new laundry cleaner, NU BLU KLENZ ... would you have a small bowl and a couple of laundry items so that I can show you the features of our new product?"
The woman allowed him in, and supplied a bowl, and a couple of items of clothing. He poured a small amount of liquid into the bowl, and commenced dipping a tee shirt into it, while chanting...

"Dip dip dip, in NU BLU KLENZ, and everything comes clean... dip dip dip, in NU BLU KLENZ, put it to your nose, and it smells like
(SNIFF!) .. a Rose!" ... and he passed the shirt to the woman.

He then commenced working with the second clothing item, a pair of knickers...
"Dip dip dip, in NU BLU KLENZ, and everything comes clean... dip dip dip, in NU BLU KLENZ, put it to your nose, and it smells like
(SNIFF!) .. DIP! DIP! DIP! DIP! DIP!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1326 on:** August 14, 2016, 02:49:41 PM »

Rio Medal Tally... (According to North Korean Press)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1327 on:** August 14, 2016, 06:28:17 PM »

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble......

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1328 on:** August 14, 2016, 06:30:00 PM »

PMS should just be called ovary-acting.........

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1329 on:** August 14, 2016, 06:34:44 PM »

No wonder Santa is so jolly...

He knows where all the naughty girls live.....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1330 on:** August 14, 2016, 08:52:51 PM »

Donald Trump got his IQ test results back...

The Doc reported that he tested negative...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1331 on:** August 15, 2016, 11:48:30 AM »

Hierarchy explained..

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1332 on:** August 15, 2016, 11:50:19 AM »

A mate modified his Van... says it's a lot cheaper to run, now...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1333 on:** August 15, 2016, 11:50:43 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1334 on:** August 15, 2016, 11:55:26 AM »

Christmas on The Green Mile...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1335 on:** August 15, 2016, 12:13:17 PM »

Did you know that it has been more than 50 years since Australia developed a device to remove toads from our gardens?

Toads Australia-wide are terrified of it!


http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Toad_zpsfwrh5zux.mp4

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1336 on:** August 15, 2016, 12:25:31 PM »

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min .

A beer shortens your life by 4 min .

A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!

I REST MY CASE!!!!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1337 on:** August 15, 2016, 02:19:22 PM »

Just witnessed the funniest thing!

A juvenile hero on an unregistered dirt bike stopped across the road, and put his camera on the road... then did a U-turn, and went back down the road.
I think he was going to video himself doing a wheelie towards the camera?

Unfortunately, he had to wait for a passing bus, which converted his camera into shredded plastic and scrap metal!

ppopeye · « **Reply #1338 on:** August 15, 2016, 03:56:21 PM »

Timing is everything!

Sent from my iPad

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1339 on:** August 15, 2016, 11:40:40 PM »


http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/My%20Movie_zpsmolpgpkj.mp4

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1340 on:** August 16, 2016, 01:37:08 PM »

Stupid con man (Indian?.. Paki? .. heavily accented, anyway.) rang me at 1 pm... Claims to be from the IRS (IRS? .. in AUSTRALIA?)
.. O'seas displayed on caller ID
I hung up when he started his BS about owing back taxes.
Had to block the number, because he kept ringing back.... 6 times in less than 10 minutes.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1341 on:** August 16, 2016, 01:57:49 PM »

1.50 pm ... NOW the same w#nker has called from another number (unspecified) and has informed me that because of my non compliance with his demands, he has set the FBI onto me!

Riiiiight....

Phone is now off the hook, and I am going to a mates place for a cuppa with him.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1342 on:** August 16, 2016, 08:11:49 PM »

~ a further 8 calls while I was out.... last missed call was at 6.15 pm

I wonder if the FBI has been knocking at the door while I was out?

Brock · « **Reply #1343 on:** August 16, 2016, 08:32:18 PM »

The FBI and NSA rang while you were out, but I told them the CIA had already spoken to you. Seems you have taken a train to Mumbai to go pay windows a visit.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1344 on:** August 17, 2016, 02:55:20 PM »

The Grey Test of The Mall.

....

The man who shot Liberty Valance, he was, (according to legend?)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1345 on:** August 17, 2016, 06:55:52 PM »

When there's something strange...

.... in the neighbourhood...

....Who ya gunna call....?

....GOATBUSKERS!

(You're singing it, aren't you?)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1346 on:** August 17, 2016, 07:01:13 PM »

Draco (Heartbreak Kid) · « **Reply #1347 on:** August 17, 2016, 07:02:35 PM »

Lol lmao

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1348 on:** August 17, 2016, 07:14:41 PM »

Watching the guys practicing at the cricket nets outside my window as I washed the dishes.

Right into their sport of choice, they are.

New Ute with a custom paint job drove by.... they didn't see it...

Large crane drove past... unusual?... the cricket practice continued unabated.

Open seater V8 Sports car rumbled by... no reaction from the cricketers

Old guy on an electric gopher zipped by... cricketers never noticed...

Flash looking large boat on a trailer, towed by a 4WD... The batting/bowling continued...

Not once were they distracted.....

...but just ONE 20 year old female in gym gear jogs by on the opposite side of the road...

and THAT’S IT!! ~ concentration fractured, and MATCH ABANDONED!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1349 on:** August 17, 2016, 11:34:06 PM »

Fifty Shades of Grey for Men...

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3069121 times)