Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3022385 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #75 on: February 03, 2016, 11:30:35 AM »
A bloke arrived at a construction site, and approached the site manager about a job.
"What skills do you have?" asked the manager.
"I'm a Brickie" replied the guy.
"I could always use a good tradesman." said the manager.

The manager took him nearby, and pointed to another brickie who was building a wall... pick up a brick, trowel mortar on, place it, and then checked the level.

"Can you do that?" asked the manager

I can do better than that!" said the guy.

The other brickie handed him the trowel.

Immediately, he flipped the trowel over his head, spinning, and caught it by the handle behind his back.
He placed one brick on the ground, put a short scaffolding plank across it, then proceeded to apply mortar
to six bricks, which he placed side-by-side on one end of the board.
He winked at the manager, then stamped his foot hard on the other end of the board.
The six bricks launched into the air, and landed atop the wall, perfectly aligned and level.

"How's that?" he asked.

The manager replied "Pretty impressive, but I'm afraid that I cant give you a start on the job!"

"And WHY NOT?" the guy demanded.

Manager replied... "You stuff around too much!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #76 on: February 03, 2016, 06:07:57 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #77 on: February 03, 2016, 06:13:51 PM »
Goosed?

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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #78 on: February 03, 2016, 07:57:57 PM »
Groan!  Just when you thought you were safe from Christmas visual puns...
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #79 on: February 03, 2016, 08:28:14 PM »
Groan!  Just when you thought you were safe from Christmas visual puns...

 :grin ;-* ... and Easter is rapidly approaching...

  wait til I start rabbiting on about that!
« Last Edit: February 03, 2016, 08:32:42 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #80 on: February 03, 2016, 08:36:10 PM »
...of course, there was once a blonde rabbit, that washed his thing and couldn't do a hare with it?

How about the randy rabbit with the 'one night stand' policy? ... Hare today, Gone tomorrow..
« Last Edit: February 03, 2016, 08:40:55 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #81 on: February 03, 2016, 09:08:45 PM »
There are many sayings that are thousands of years old, which have stood the test of time and are still used now, altho' in a totally different context.
In the stone age, when warfare consisted of throwing rocks (then called 'wizzme') at each other, warriors were advised to pitch (or 'fug' as it was then called) rough, uneven stones,  because the bounce of the missile was unpredictable and not as easily avoided, as a round, even stone.
One of these trainee warriors, named 'Wise as Owl' was the recipient of this groundbreaking lecture, altho the current version of this advice now abbreviates his name to just 'wise as'

Nowadays, this advice is often spoken as a warning between agro opponents on the streets.
The wording becomes ... "Don't fug a round wizzme, wise as!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #82 on: February 07, 2016, 03:53:33 PM »
Well, I'm home again, just got off the bike 20 mins ago.. will put up a ride report once I have had a bit of a rest.
Have to collate all the fuel receipts and mileage data, but it was one helluva economical weekend trip.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #83 on: February 07, 2016, 08:11:57 PM »
Can't wait for my Birthday later this year...

There's one particular woman who is always putting me down by saying "Why don't you act your age!"

This year I can reply.. "You WISH!"

(Hint!... end of next year, I will be 70..)  :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #84 on: February 07, 2016, 10:01:16 PM »
Spotted this on the way home...


No sh*t?

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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #85 on: February 08, 2016, 12:04:45 AM »
Spotted this on the way home...


No sh*t?




No promises.  Never know what you'll find in these little off-the-beaten-path towns.     :grin
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #86 on: February 08, 2016, 07:29:54 AM »
Can't wait for my Birthday later this year...

There's one particular woman who is always putting me down by saying "Why don't you act your age!"

This year I can reply.. "You WISH!"

(Hint!... end of next year, I will be 70..)  :rofl

Hopefully you will never catch up, Big Kev, although the way I am feeling so far this year, you may just do it.

How about a 70th RTE for you next year?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #87 on: February 08, 2016, 07:31:58 AM »
 
 
 
I always wondered what happened to Dennis the Menace when he got older.....
 

 
 
 
 


 
Terry, Canberra 0412499625
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Previous bikes1948 Triumph Tiger 500 Twin - sprung rear hub, 1963 BSA Bantam 175, Yamaha 75cc & DT250, Honda ST1100, 400N & CX500 sports, BMW K100RS & K100 LT, Harley Electra-glid
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #88 on: February 08, 2016, 11:43:34 AM »
 :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #89 on: February 08, 2016, 11:55:00 AM »
Do ya think that ... maybe this guy should have stayed in bed on this day?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l91Y3sDFiu0
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #90 on: February 08, 2016, 03:09:40 PM »
Do ya think that ... maybe this guy should have stayed in bed on this day?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l91Y3sDFiu0

Whoooa!!

How can he keep getting up?
And that car didn't stop!!
Even a professional stuntman would have trouble performing that sequence.

Still- a very odd video.  Why was the cameraman so far from his intended subjects, the woman and two children?
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

OzSTOC #16  STOC #6135  FarR #509  IBA #54927
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #91 on: February 09, 2016, 03:10:33 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #92 on: February 09, 2016, 03:23:21 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #93 on: February 09, 2016, 03:24:11 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #94 on: February 09, 2016, 03:24:54 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #95 on: February 09, 2016, 03:25:27 AM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #96 on: February 09, 2016, 08:43:58 AM »
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in its mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. 

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.

When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.

The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery.

After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step.

He barks  repeatedly.   

No answer.

He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself - Whap! - against the door. He does this again and again.

No answer. 

So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.

Eventually, a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. 

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing?   This dog's a genius!"   

The owner responds, "Genius, my arse. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
Terry, Canberra 0412499625
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Current bikes 2013 Triumph Trophy SE, 2008 ST1300
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #97 on: February 09, 2016, 08:50:01 AM »
A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:

Husband: I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.
 
Sergeant: What is her height ?

Husband: Oh, 5 something . . .

Sergeant:  Build?

Husband: Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes according to season.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: Did she go in a car?

Husband: yes.

Sergeant: What kind of car was it?

Husband:  A 2009 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. It has an 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door……

At this point the husband started crying...

Sergeant: Don't worry sir.....We’ll find your car.
Terry, Canberra 0412499625
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Current bikes 2013 Triumph Trophy SE, 2008 ST1300
Previous bikes1948 Triumph Tiger 500 Twin - sprung rear hub, 1963 BSA Bantam 175, Yamaha 75cc & DT250, Honda ST1100, 400N & CX500 sports, BMW K100RS & K100 LT, Harley Electra-glid
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #98 on: February 09, 2016, 08:57:13 AM »
 :rofl :rofl :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #99 on: February 09, 2016, 09:05:40 AM »
Murphys other, little-known laws...

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear brilliant, until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is kinda like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword will probably get shot by those who don't. (NEVER bring a knife to a gunfight!)

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, some idiot would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10 If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The good things that come to those who wait, may be the junk left behind by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit drinking beer in a boat all day.
      Teach him how to use the 'Net, and he wont go fishing, he will get drunk at home in front of the computer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. God gave you toes as a device for locating furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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