Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2925875 times)

Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #350 on: April 01, 2016, 09:35:55 AM »
Odd that he knew exactly who to blame...      :-(((
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #351 on: April 01, 2016, 10:14:01 AM »
 :grin Didn't have to be clairvoyant, to work out who was responsible. I mean... I was standing at a lighted window, watching as he left for work... and he is well aware of my sense of humour.
Last year 1st april was a Wednesday, was having a coffee with him at 10 am when he offered some cream biscuits.
He had removed the cream filling, and replaced it with toothpaste!

 :H
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #352 on: April 01, 2016, 01:10:43 PM »
Last year 1st april was a Wednesday, was having a coffee with him at 10 am when he offered some cream biscuits.
He had removed the cream filling, and replaced it with toothpaste!

So it's his turn to make your day next year.  I'd be very careful if I were you...     :crazy
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #353 on: April 01, 2016, 01:58:46 PM »
 :grin :thumb
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #354 on: April 01, 2016, 02:06:50 PM »
Oh, PUULEEZE!!!! .. gimmee a BREAK!   Crazy Indonesian Link has been added to my banned list...

National Lottery Commission,
101 Wigmore Street,
London W1U 1QU.


MEGA/JACKPOT

We wish to inform you of the Lottery Draw held by National Lottery Commission here in London and this draw is held monthly and tag Mega/Jackpot,and you have been awarded the lump sum of £12 000.000.00 (Twelve Million Pounds) and your email address Won the Draw and was gotten through United Kingdom Information Network Online (U.K.I.N.O) which is affiliated with the internet. so please contact your claims manager with details below and also provide him with the requested information so that he can expedite the processing on your winning payment.

Details deleted... they want to know everything, including my last bowel movement....


Kartu Indonesia Sehat (KIS) adalah tanda kepesertaan Jaminan Kesehatan Nasional (JKN) untuk memperoleh pelayanan kesehatan yang komprehensif pada fasilitas kesehatan melalui mekanisme sistem rujukan berjenjang dan atas indikasi medis*.

KIS diterbitkan oleh BPJS Kesehatan untuk seluruh peserta jaminan kesehatan termasuk penerima bantuan iuran (PBI).

Kepesertaan KIS ada 2 kelompok:

  1.  Kelompok masyarakat yang wajib mendaftar dan membayar iuran, baik membayar sendiri, ataupun berkontribusi bersama pemberi kerjanya;
  2.  Kelompok masyarakat miskin dan tidak mampu yang didaftarkan oleh pemerintah dan iurannya dibayari oleh pemerintah

*) Kartu lainnya: Kartu Eks Askes, Eks Jamkesmas, KJS, Kartu JKN BPJS Kesehatan, masih tetap berlaku sesuai ketentuan sepanjang belum diganti dengan Kartu Indonesia Sehat (KIS).
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Offline STroppy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #355 on: April 01, 2016, 05:46:25 PM »
Those fabulous Jewish Comedians
You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics
Of Vaudeville days:
Shecky Greene ,
Red Buttons ,
Totie Fields ,
Joey Bishop ,
Milton Berle ,
Jan Murray ,
Danny Kaye ,
Henny Youngman ,
Buddy Hackett ,
Sid Caesar ,
Groucho Marx,
Jackie Mason ,
Woody Allen ,
Lenny Bruce ,
George Burns ,
Allan Sherman ,
Jerry Lewis,
Carl Reiner ,
Shelley Berman ,
Gene Wilder,
George Jessel ,
Alan King,
Mel Brooks ,
Phil Silvers ,
Jack Carter ,
Rodney Dangerfield ,
Don Rickles ,
Jack Benny
Mansel Rubenstein
And so many others.
There was not one single swear word in their comedy.

Here are a few examples:
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
* Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* The Doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
They're worth it.

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much.
The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now .

There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!
A man called his mother in Florida,
"Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
She asks, "What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
"The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat.

Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said,
"Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."
"Force yourself," she replied.

Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler will let go.
Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.
Memories of the good ole days .
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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #356 on: April 01, 2016, 06:16:48 PM »
Strewth!  Who knew all those guys were Jewish!?  I guess when you've been through what that nation has, you need a sense of humour.
And those gags!  There were even a few there I hadn't heard before.    :thumbsup
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Offline PC

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #357 on: April 01, 2016, 06:44:06 PM »
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father.
While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.
The man asks, "Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?"
The nurse explains, "The hot chocolate will help him sleep."
The man says, "And the Viagra?"
"That prevents him from rolling out of bed in his sleep."
c
I tried Viagra once
But  apparently I didn't swallow it quick enough and ended up with a stiff kneck
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #358 on: April 01, 2016, 06:50:57 PM »
 :crackup :crackup :crackup
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #359 on: April 01, 2016, 08:42:10 PM »
Concerned with the high road toll involving pickup drivers, road authorities in Arkansas, Mississipi and Alabama had all pickup trucks fitted with 'black box' voice recorders at re-registration. Didn't take long for the results to come in.

In 90% of all fatalities, the last words recorded were: "Y'all hold onto my beer, boy, and watch this!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #360 on: April 01, 2016, 09:00:07 PM »
Nigerian Scam clowns must think we came down in the last shower? By the way... email origin was Istanbul


MY NAME IS SENATOR JOHN JAMES AKPAN UDO-EDEHE, I HAVE $150 MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS DEPOSITED INCOGNITO IN A FINANCE AND SECURITY COMPANY IN EUROPE I NEED A TRUSTEE WHO WILL MANAGE THE SAID AMOUNT. I CANNOT BE DISCOVERED BY MY GOVERNMENT TO BE THE OWNER OF THE MONEY.THIS IS WHY I NEED AN EXPERT WHO WILL INVEST THIS MONEY IN BUSINESS. THE PROCEEDS THAT WILL BE MADE FROM THE INVESTMENT OF THIS FUNDS WILL BE SHARED AS PER AGREEMENT. I ALREADY HAVE A LAWYER, WHO WILL DRAFT A MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING THAT WILL PROTECT PARTIES INVOLVED IN THIS PROJECT. YOU WILL HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OF THE INVESTMENT AND ONLY HAVE TO DECLARE THE PROCEEDS PERIODICALLY FOR SHARING.

IF YOU ARE WILLING TO DO THIS WITH ME. PLEASE SEND ME A SCANNED COPY OF YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT AND ID FOR RECORD PURPOSES. PLEASE, ALSO SEND IN YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER AND ADDRESS.
(Are you sure you don't want my bank account and password as well?)

YOU CAN READ MORE ABOUT ME BY COPYING AND PASTING THE LINKS BELOW ON
YOUR BROWSER AND HIT ENTER:


WHEN I READ FROM YOU AGAIN, I SHALL THEN TELL YOU MORE DETAILS
CONCERNING THE PROJECT.
REGARDS,
SENATOR JOHN JAMES AKPAN UDO-EDEHE
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #361 on: April 01, 2016, 10:28:15 PM »
...and they keep on coming... Easter Holiday is definitely over....

Below was the email we sent to you earlier last week (NOPE!) but we did not hear from you,I want to let you know that if you fail to respond Today/Tomorrow,We will proceed to ok your fund with immediate effect,
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM OFFICE OF MONEY GRAM.
NIGERIA REPUBLIC/ADDRESS 455
IJUNDIA ROAD  IJU LAGOS
WEB: www.moneygram.com
Contact Payment department;Dr.Joseph Obase.


After today's Federal Executive Cansul (Council?) Meeting,The ministry of Finance has approved that your fund of ONE MILLION,TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY THOUSAND($1,240,000.00) which was initial approved that western union will be paying to you $5000 us dollars on daily basis until your ($1,240,000.00) is completed ,It has come to the notice of the newly appointed Minister that western union department wanted to rip you off as a result of so much fund they are demanding from you and some of their staff were into fraudulent act

Federal Executive Consul Meeting (FEC) Has now ORDERED that your total fund ($1,240,000.00)will now be paid to you through MONEY GRAM,

Yes, we are aware that western union department requested about $150 us dollars from you for them to use and re-activate your FILE which has been dormant,Well,it has now been approved that you will only send the sum of $49 us dollars for the re-activation,The minister of finance was unhappy when he come across your payment file,He ordered that instead of the initial demand which was $150,He now ordered that you will pay only $49 us dollars for the re-activation of your fund because he does not want your fund to still be in the country without it been transferred,So I would like you to act fast and send the $49 us dollars immediately after you receive this email,Remember that this is the only way you will claim your Money without any problem,

So you are been advise to send the re-activation fee of $49 us dollars to this below information,I want to assure that once you send the fee Today,You will start receiving your $5000 us dollars daily through Money Gram by Tomorrow morning,


BELOW ARE THE PAYMENT INFORMATION TO SEND THE $49 US DOLLARS OK,PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU SPELL
THE NAME CORRECTLY TO AVOID ANY DELAY

RECEIVER NAME....FRANK MUOBAA
CITY/COUNTRY.....LAGOS-REPUBLIC NIGERIA

My Reply (from fake email addy)... Sorry!... I don't need any pocket money this week...

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #362 on: April 02, 2016, 12:33:02 AM »
If Kim Kardashian had 3 brain cells, it would mean she was pregnant.

,,, With TWINS!

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #363 on: April 02, 2016, 01:14:08 AM »
Tony Abbott, Julia Gillard, Malcolm Turnbull and Kevin Rudd were on a flight to Canberra.
As they were circling to land, Malcolm chuckled and says, "You know, I could throw 2 $50 bills out the window right now and make 2 people in Canberra very happy."
Tony shrugs his shoulders and said, "Well, I could throw ten $10 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Julia tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and said, "I could throw fifty $2 coins out the window and make fifty people happy."
Kevin rolls his eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all three of you out the bloody window and make the whole freaking country ecstatic!."
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Offline ppopeye

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #364 on: April 02, 2016, 10:00:39 AM »



Sent from my iPad
ppopeye

I never ride faster than my angel can fly!

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Bikes I've had
Yamaha 500
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #365 on: April 02, 2016, 12:45:48 PM »
Daylight Savings ends 3 am tomorrow in Vic, NSW, ACT, SA and Tas ... clocks back to 2 am.... that means some can sleep in tomorrow.

It also means the cats will awake me at 4 am, asking for brekkie? :well :OldMan





Some Pollies will claim they have been short-sheeted, of course, any excuse to drag the issue of a sour economy from the taxpayers minds before the budget is released.
« Last Edit: April 02, 2016, 12:52:47 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #366 on: April 02, 2016, 01:02:27 PM »
A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #367 on: April 02, 2016, 01:08:12 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #368 on: April 02, 2016, 02:50:57 PM »
Cop pulled over a junkie, walked to his car, saw his bloodshot eyes and said : "How high are you?"

Pothead replied "No officer, it's "Hi, how are you?"

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Offline alans1100

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #369 on: April 02, 2016, 04:07:21 PM »
Daylight Savings ends 3 am tomorrow in Vic, NSW, ACT, SA and Tas ... clocks back to 2 am.... that means some can sleep in tomorrow.


You mean I have to get out of bed at 9:30 and not 10:30.
1999 :bl11  2004 :13Candy

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Offline Draco (Heartbreak Kid)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #370 on: April 02, 2016, 04:51:13 PM »
 :blu13 I'm in hospital :'(  :blu13left
CHEERS
DRACO :)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #371 on: April 02, 2016, 04:55:13 PM »
Are you ok mate?
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Offline Draco (Heartbreak Kid)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #372 on: April 02, 2016, 04:56:08 PM »
Had a small heart attack 😔

Sent from my LG-D802 using Tapatalk

CHEERS
DRACO :)

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #373 on: April 02, 2016, 05:01:00 PM »
OH, SHT  Rob ,, keeping you in my thoughts... rest well
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #374 on: April 02, 2016, 05:46:02 PM »
There is a 'heads up' for members in General Discussion, where people will wish you all the best, Rob.
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