Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3019439 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #676 on:** May 14, 2016, 05:30:25 AM »

... and another fad bites the dust... con men are everywhere in life.

It has now been proven that Probiotics do absolutely nothing for healthy people... just another health hype to line the pockets of manufacturers, pharmacies and supermarkets.

Sucked in, bigtime (and big $$$)

https://au.news.yahoo.com/video/watch/31575752/european-community-lifts-lid-on-false-probiotics-claims/#page1

"Have you had your Inner Heath Plus today?"

Nope!, and not freaking likely!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #677 on:** May 14, 2016, 04:45:19 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #678 on:** May 15, 2016, 12:23:16 AM »


http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/drunk_zpsmkxys00j.mp4

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #679 on:** May 15, 2016, 12:31:22 AM »

One Monday morning Shane the postman was riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail.

As he approached one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by Eddy, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer, wine and spirit bottles for the recycling bin.

'Wow Eddy, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,' the Postman commented.

Eddy, in obvious pain, replied, 'Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first time I have felt like moving since 4:00 oclock Sunday morning
.....We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight
that we started playing WHO AM I?'

The Postman thought for a moment and said, 'How do you play WHO AM I?'

'Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and come out one at a time covered with a sheet with only the 'family jewels' showing through a hole in the sheet.
.... Then the women try to guess who it is..'

The postman laughed and said, 'Sounds like fun, I'm sorry I missed it.'

'Probably a good thing you did,' Eddy responded, 'Your name came up 7 times..'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #680 on:** May 15, 2016, 12:39:38 AM »

A guy was in a bar, about as drunk as it's possible to get.

A group of guys noticed his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home.

First, they stood him up to get to his wallet so they could find out where he lived, but he kept falling down.

He fell down another eight times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they got to his home, he fell another four times between the car and the door.

His wife came to the door, and one guy said, "We brought your husband home."

The wife asked, "Where's his wheelchair?

Wild Rose · « **Reply #681 on:** May 15, 2016, 06:40:47 AM »

Wild Rose · « **Reply #682 on:** May 15, 2016, 06:46:03 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on May 13, 2016, 08:41:39 PM

Fail, scammer, fail!

8.15 pm..... Just got an email from a mate holidaying in Singapore, who got rolled and had his wallet stolen.... needs cash in a hurry, supplied PayPal account.

Trouble is, he is sitting right here in my lounge having a cup of coffee when the email arrived.

STroppy · « **Reply #683 on:** May 15, 2016, 07:58:09 AM »

Bloody Queenslanders

A genuine joke from Queensland. It is well known that humour is regional, but this is the first joke that I can say is truly a Queenslander:

At a national conference of the Australian Hotels Association, the general managers of Cascade Brewery (Tasmania), Tooheys (New South Wales), XXXX (Queensland), CUB (Victoria), Coopers (South Australia) and Swan Brewery (Western Australia) found themselves sitting at the same table for lunch.

When the waitress asked what they wanted to drink, the GM of Tooheys said without hesitation, "I'll have a Tooheys New."

The head of Carlton & United smiled and said, "Make mine a VB."

To which the boss of Coopers replied, "I'll have a Coopers, the King of Beers."

The bloke from Cascade asked for "a Cascade, the cleanest draught on the planet."

The bloke from Swan asked for a Swan Lager..

The General Manager of XXXX paused a moment and then placed his order: "I'll have a Diet Coke."

The others looked at him as if he had sprouted a new head.

"Well, he said with a shrug, if you bastards aren't drinking beer, then neither will I."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #684 on:** May 15, 2016, 08:59:56 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #685 on:** May 15, 2016, 11:41:40 AM »

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?

A: Change.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #686 on:** May 15, 2016, 12:19:54 PM »

Tom’s wife was hosting a Luncheon party for some of her close friends at their summer home. At 10am she asked Tom if he would be ever so gracious to slip down and get some turtles for the turtle soup for the lunch. On his way to the store he passed the local bar, and figured he’d stop in for a quick drink. One drink lead to the next, and before he knew it, it was 3:00 pm and he hadn’t gotten his wife those turtles. He rushed to the pet store just a few doors from the pub, grabbed some live turtles, rushed home and stumbled up the front steps, dropping the turtles. At that moment, his wife angrily opened the door asking him where the hell he had been, and berated him for ruining her party. Tom looked towards the turtles and said “C’mon you slow pokes! Just a few more steps and we’re there!”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #687 on:** May 15, 2016, 12:33:11 PM »

The poor man was such a habitual drinker that even he was finally convinced that he was an alcoholic .
At his family’s urging he went to see a psychiatrist.
After a lengthy consultation, the doctor sternly ordered that hereafter, every time the patient got drunk he was to report his transgression the very next day. A few days later the patient staggered into the psychiatrist’s office. “I wanna report that I wash drunk yesterday,” he mumbled.
“For heaven’s sake, man, you’re drunk right now! ”cried the doctor.
“Yeah I know,” said the patient, “but I’m gonna report this tomorrow.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #688 on:** May 15, 2016, 01:03:41 PM »

Jumbled word.

The most important part of a man.

EPSNI

Without this, man would be a crawling, insipid being.

The word is SPINE!...

... get your mind out of the gutter!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #689 on:** May 15, 2016, 01:23:30 PM »

Aldi toilet paper....4 rolls of 3 ply, double length, 1520 sheets total, $3.60 ... Just proves that all other brands are crap prices...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #690 on:** May 15, 2016, 03:21:16 PM »

Childbirth at 65…………….

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth... When she was discharged from the Hospital and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked.

'Not yet ,' she said, 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' she said.

After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!

Bloodman · « **Reply #691 on:** May 15, 2016, 06:58:21 PM »

Aldi toilet paper lets you wipe your bum with "Confidence " 😜

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #692 on:** May 15, 2016, 08:07:13 PM »

Think about it...

New Delhi in India has a population of over 22 million... and that's just in ONE city....

As of 8.05pm tonight, the population of India was 1 billion, 325 million, 685 thousand, 730 people.

While I was typing this, another 63 were born in the next 2 minutes before posting.

watch the live count here...

http://countrymeters.info/en/India

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #693 on:** May 15, 2016, 08:10:24 PM »

61,215
Births today

22,232
Deaths today

(As of 8.10 pm)

Biggles · « **Reply #694 on:** May 15, 2016, 09:10:03 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on May 15, 2016, 08:10:24 PM

61,215
Births today

22,232
Deaths today

(As of 8.10 pm)

Sounds as if Undertaking would be a profitable undertaking...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #695 on:** May 15, 2016, 09:34:46 PM »

Why limit the possibilities?... Obstetrics has double the margins

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #696 on:** May 15, 2016, 09:42:50 PM »

Painful and expensive.... how to confuse your 'wannabe' ambitions with your physical capabilities.

"Lookat me lookat me...ouch!" (f wits inc.) I also noticed the comprehensive lack of safety/protective gear

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9EPHHPtCcc

Obviously some of these clowns are missing from their circus.

STroppy · « **Reply #697 on:** May 16, 2016, 06:22:05 AM »

THE BRITISH PENNY

EUROPEAN UNION DIRECTIVE - NO. 456179/16

IN ORDER TO BRING ABOUT FURTHER INTEGRATION WITH THE SINGLE EUROPEAN CURRENCY THE EURO; ALL CITIZENS OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND NORTHERN IRELAND MUST BE MADE AWARE THAT THE PHRASE "SPENDING A PENNY" IS NOT TO BE USED AFTER 30th May 2016

FROM 1st June 2016,

THE CORRECT TERM WILL BE "EURONATING".

IT IS HOPED THAT THIS WILL BE A GREAT RELIEF TO EVERYONE.

IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS,

JUST GIVE ME A TINKLE.

STeveo · « **Reply #698 on:** May 16, 2016, 07:26:15 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #699 on:** May 16, 2016, 07:38:36 AM »

I wonder who leaked this information?
Probably some low caste piddling little official..

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3019439 times)