Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)

[Kev Murphy]

"Little Johnny!... . Why is  your little brother crying?"

"He's crying 'coz I am eating my cake"

"Where's his piece of cake?"

"He bawled when I ate that, too!"

[Kev Murphy]

The hustings...



One party states "We are gunna do this when we win the election!"

The other states "Nah!... they won't do that!" (Meaning :~  Shit!... Why didn't WE think of that?)

[Kev Murphy]

[Gadget]

The hustings...



One party states "We are gunna do this when we win the election!"

The other states "Nah!... they won't do that!" (Meaning :~  Shit!... Why didn't WE think of that?)

Or they remember core and non-core promises. And the last election of broken promises. 

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[Kev Murphy]

[Gadget]

The good old Daily Terrorgraph..

[Kev Murphy]

 

[Kev Murphy]

In the sixties and seventies, people took drugs to make life bearable.

I got high on life itself.

Literally.

...f'r instance, there was this one time at over 14000 feet above Beaudesert, in Queensland.....

 The sky is not the limit, the ground is!.. So shut up and jump! 

[Kev Murphy]

A little dash of Irish...

Finnegan: "My wife has a habit of staying up until two o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it."
Keegan: "What on earth is she doin' at that time?"
Finnegan: "Waitin' for me to come home!"


Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks that he's very lucky because his wife makes him walk!


An American lawyer asked Paddy, "Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers you with another question?"
"Who told you that?" Paddy replied.
 


Irish lass: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."


Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Paddy, is that you I hear spittin' in the vase on the mantle?"
"No, but I'm gettin' closer all the time."


Ireland has solved their unemployment problem.      You don’t leave school till you are 65



Blaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" he said. "Send an ambulance. My wife is goin' to have a baby!"
"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.
"No, this is her husband speaking."


The only difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral, is that there's one less drunk.


"The walls in my flat", says Murphy, "are so thin, that every time I ask my wife a question, I get three different answers"



There's this Irishman buried out the back. He's been dead for 50 years. We call him 'Peat'



Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?


Me mother wanted me to be a priest.
Can you imagine giving up your sex life, and then once a week people come in to tell you all the details of theirs?

[Kev Murphy]

I was going to post some Mafia jokes, but they don't have a sense of humour...


 "Just forgeddaboudit!"

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Arnotts Shapes.

Less than 40 per packet

$3 per packet

They are only twice the size of your end finger joint.

Are they really worth almost 10 cents each? ...

[Kev Murphy]

Wooden Artistry.






No, it's not safe to say that if you pranged one of these, it wooden hurt......

[Kev Murphy]

Ummmm.... before you copy and paste this sort of scam, numbnuts, I suggest you proof read it first, and correct the date, etc...

US$2,000,000 Million Dollars, hey?  ... is that supposed to be..  2 Million?, or 2 thousand Billion?


AUSTRALIA LOTTO LOTTERY INC .
Date: 1 March 2010
From: lottery lottery
Reply To: rowland_lotteryagent1@yahoo.com.au
 
Subject: WINNING NOTIFICATION
AUSTRALIA LOTTO LOTTERY INC .
5th Floor East
Commonwealth Center
55 Currie Street
Adelaide SA 5000 ,
South Australia .
WINNING NOTIFICATION
We are delighted to inform you of the result of the E-mail address ballot
lottery draw of the Australian cash-out lotto bv international
programme,which took place on the 27th of FEB 2007.
This is a computer generated lottery of Internet users using email addresses
for draws.

This lotto draw is fully based on an electronic selection of winners using
their e-mail addresses from different World Wide Web(www)sites.Your email
address attached to ticket number: 275-189-657-23-05 with Serial
number 8756-05 drew the lucky numbers and bonus ball number which
subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category.You have therefore
been approved to claim a total sum of US$800,000.00 (EIGHT
HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS) in cash credit file ref:ILP/HW
47509/02.
This is from the total cash prize of US$2,000,000 Million Dollars,shared
amongst the first Ten (10) lucky winners in this category.All participant
were selected randomly through a computer balloting system drawn from
Nine hundred thousand E-mail addresses from Canada , Australia ,
United States , Asia, Europe , Middle East , Africa and Oceania as part of
our international promotions programme
which is conducted annually.This Lottery is being promoted and
sponsored by a conglomerate of Multinational companies as part of their
social responsibility to the citizens in the communities where they have
operational base.
Further more your details(e-mail address) falls within our European
representative office in Amsterdam,Holland , as indicated in your play
coupon and your prize of US$800,000.00 will be released to you from our
regional branch office in WEST AFRICA.We hope with part of your prize,
you will participate in our end of year high stakes for US$1.3 billion
international draw.Our agent will immediately commence the process to
facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him.
PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT YOU QUOTE YOUR BELOW WINNING
PARTICULARS WHEN CONTACTING YOUR AGENT:
Ref: 4758961725
Batch: ALLINC 70564943902/188
Winning no: FGNGB2701/LPRC

[NTRebel]

hey Kev how about sharing some of that $800,000.00 I could do with a new goldwing and an aston martin along with a lamborgini and that would be just for saturday use.Oh I would need a mansion in Spain as well.

[Kev Murphy]

There would be enough there to buy a whole fleet of wings for members 

[Kev Murphy]

Ok, ok... so I get bored at this time of the morning, and my imagination runs wild...

http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/go%20go_zpsolg1macp.mp4

[Kev Murphy]

Many years ago, I was riding through Port Augusta when an oncoming vehicle hit water gushing across his side of the road from a fire hydrant that had been hit by a truck minutes earlier. I was absolutely drenched by a solid wall of water, head to foot.
I pulled into a servo dripping wet, and got the strangest looks from people at the pumps, because it was 34 degrees, cloudless sky, and a dust storm was blowing.
Wasn't worth trying to explain.

[STroppy]

THE BOTTLE OF WINE 

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,  she said:

'Good trade.....'

[STroppy]

The Irish are a wonderful bunch of people, always willing to help in a pinch . . . .

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
 
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.
 
When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat Will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight "
 
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later:
"If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available".

[Kev Murphy]

[Kev Murphy]

Whale season again...

1 Humpback Whale is 500 metres offshore from Portland Bay Lighthouse
Date sighted: 26th May 2016
Time sighted: 3:30pm

Travelling northerly direction, slapping pectoral fins

[Kev Murphy]

Friend of mine had a bad weekend at the races.... he said to me... "I will have to give up gambling."

I replied "I bet you can't!"

[Kev Murphy]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer.
When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.

The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.

The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.

The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint and holds it over the drink and screams, "You bloddy little git, spit it back!"

[Gadget]

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