Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2926410 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #950 on: June 22, 2016, 10:54:07 PM »
 :thumbsup
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #952 on: June 23, 2016, 11:02:19 AM »
 :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl ++ ++
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #953 on: June 23, 2016, 02:27:49 PM »
There was this happy Irish cleaner... he used to sing as he swept.

"Ten green bottles... hanging on the wall..

Ten green bottles... hanging on the wall..

If by chance, ... one of them should fall...

.. there'd be...   there'd be...?

He stopped sweeping, deep in thought...

...and then continued singing.. and sweeping

"... Oh Danny Boy... the pipes, the pipes are calling...."


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #954 on: June 23, 2016, 03:13:23 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #955 on: June 23, 2016, 04:41:57 PM »
What did the orphaned blind deaf mute ADD affected kid get for Christmas?







Leprosy
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #956 on: June 24, 2016, 05:12:33 AM »

The mouth used to make this clip is actually my own, but added to the movie clip upside down...
... and the laughter at the end is also mine, but doubled in speed  :grin

http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/suddenly_zpsyxbdrmed.mp4
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #957 on: June 24, 2016, 07:10:56 AM »
http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/My%20Movie_zpszbidgrxo.mp4
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Online STeveo

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #958 on: June 24, 2016, 08:48:08 AM »
 ++
 

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #959 on: June 24, 2016, 04:49:57 PM »



His maths is a bit off.  It's actually $3.00 per person  .....  or have I missed the point of the post???
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #960 on: June 24, 2016, 06:38:44 PM »
His maths is a bit off.  It's actually $3.00 per person  .....  or have I missed the point of the post???

Yep, that's the point.  Maths isn't relevant, nor is the truth.  The huge ALP billboard I saw in Melbourne with Bill promising to prevent the privatisation of Medicare is a case in point.  Scare tactic, pure and simple.  The Libs have no such intention, but the bigger the lie the better.
The local rag has been keeping tally of the promised spending.
LNP: $3.5 billion
ALP:  $15.8 billion
as of this morning.
Shortun' is going to print the dollars in large denominations to save paper.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #961 on: June 25, 2016, 09:04:25 PM »
Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death!   

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die!
This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and WESTPAC bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had
Been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to the WESTPAC Bank: 

Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

WESTPAC: 
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

WESTPAC: 
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been..'

Family Member: 
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' 

WESTPAC: 
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
The credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

WESTPAC: 
'Excuse me?'

Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you .. . . The part about her
Being dead?'

WESTPAC:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 
'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'

WESTPAC:   
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

WESTPAC: 
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)

WESTPAC:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' 

Family Member: 
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:

WESTPAC: 
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
Can do to help.'

Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
Her. I don't think she will care, one way or another!' 

WESTPAC : 
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' 

Family Member: 
'Would you like her new billing address?'

WESTPAC: 
'That might help.'

Family Member: 
' Rookwood Memorial Cemetery , 1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney... Plot Number
1049.'

WESTPAC:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 
'Well, what the f**k do you do with dead people on the planet you're from??'.............

« Last Edit: June 27, 2016, 12:03:52 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #962 on: June 26, 2016, 06:23:24 AM »
His maths is a bit off.  It's actually $3.00 per person  .....  or have I missed the point of the post???

Yep, that's the point.  Maths isn't relevant, nor is the truth.  The huge ALP billboard I saw in Melbourne with Bill promising to prevent the privatisation of Medicare is a case in point.  Scare tactic, pure and simple.  The Libs have no such intention, but the bigger the lie the better.
The local rag has been keeping tally of the promised spending.
LNP: $3.5 billion
ALP:  $15.8 billion
as of this morning.
Shortun' is going to print the dollars in large denominations to save paper.


... and idiots like this want to be top dog? After the first half a dozen zeros, Pollies tend to lose the plot  :grin
... He shore do needs to learn his sums gooderer, din't he dun get no skooling? :grin
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #963 on: June 27, 2016, 12:16:03 AM »
Have you ever noticed that there are few things in the world, short of actual material success, that can
make you feel as powerful as eating an entire 2 litre tub of ice cream in one sitting?
Isn't that the weirdest thing? You eat half of it: you're a pig. You eat it all: you're the victor!
« Last Edit: June 27, 2016, 05:23:32 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #964 on: June 27, 2016, 12:18:03 AM »
I went to a Deli, and I had one of their celebrity sandwiches. I had the Donald Trump special.

What they do is they serve the dressing on the side, and then comb it over the sandwich. :grin
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #965 on: June 27, 2016, 12:25:33 AM »
I was watching TV late at night 'cause I don't sleep well.

You know that commercial for 'Save the Children'?...
The one that comes on really, really late, where the lady says, 'For the price of a cup of coffee, just a dollar a day'?
 
I was sitting there, thinking : 'Where the bloody hell can you get a cup of coffee for a dollar?!'
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #966 on: June 27, 2016, 12:30:09 AM »
Friends of mine freak out when I tell them I'm a good cook... Why would they be that surprised that I can cook?
I'm a big boy. I can cook. It kind of goes hand-in-hand.

I could understand their surprised reaction , if I told them something like,... mmm ... I teach cats to play water polo?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #967 on: June 27, 2016, 12:32:34 AM »
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change....be back in a minute."

Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky n'egg'lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.

Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.

"What are you doing?," the female egg asked.

He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #968 on: June 27, 2016, 12:37:49 AM »
A 'largish' Aussie girl was recently holidaying in London.
On a whim, she bought this really decadent box of chocolates, but she really wasn't used to their currency.
The cashier said, 'That'll be 10 Pounds.'
She replied "That's right arsehole..rub it in, why don't you?'
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #969 on: June 27, 2016, 12:40:46 AM »
Buddy of mine got a job at KFC.
Only lasted two days.
Manager sacked him because he couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.....
« Last Edit: June 27, 2016, 01:39:48 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #970 on: June 27, 2016, 12:49:01 AM »
Two ropes went into a bar.
One sat at a table, the other asked the barman for two beers.
The barman replied, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes!"
The rope returned to the table, and told the other rope what had ensued.
Infuriated, the other rope stood up, threw himself into a loop, frizzed his hair, and marched over to the barman.
"I'll have two beers, thanks!"
The barman said "Now look, buddy... I already told your friend that we don't serve ropes, and you're a rope, right?"
"Hell no" he replied "I'm a frayed knot!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #971 on: June 27, 2016, 12:52:56 AM »
There's a new sushi bar in town that caters exclusively to lawyers.

It's named Sosumi.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #972 on: June 27, 2016, 12:54:35 AM »
Cannibal Son: "Mom, I don't like my brother anymore."

Cannibal Mother: "Shut up and eat whats put in front of you!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #973 on: June 27, 2016, 12:58:07 AM »
A customer in a restaurant ordered a bowl of soup.
However,he noticed that something was wrong.
He called the waiter over.
"Can you please taste the soup?"
"What's wrong with the soup?"
"Just taste it for me?"
"Why?"
"Just taste it."
"Sir, I--"
"Just taste it !!!!"
"Fine, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?"
"EXACTLY!...NOW BRING ME A FREAKING SPOON!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #974 on: June 27, 2016, 01:02:04 AM »
A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man who was the
last person in the county to have lived through the Civil War.

Thinking he had a story, the reporter started asking some questions.
"Sir, you have lived through the civil war and two world wars.
You have seen the invention of the automobile and the airplane.
In all of your days, what would you say is the single most interesting
thing that you have seen in all of your days?"
The man replied, "The Thermos!"
Puzzled, the reporter asked, "Why?"
"Well," the old man responded, "when you put something hot in it, it keeps it hot.
When you put something cold in it, it keeps it cold...
... HOW DOES IT KNOW?????"
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