International Crappit
Strange game, Crappit... I never could understand it...
Its called an 'International' test, because players from 10 countries are involved, which is far closer to the truth than the claims of 'Baseball World Series' in which US American League players challenge US National League players in the USA
Crappit game or match is called a 'Test'... it started internationally in 1877..... surely after 137 years, it's been tested enough by now?
I watched some of it on TV, once, .... here is my understanding of the game.
There are 3 teams which play Crappit.
The third team is internationally known as being 'optically challenged', by players and public alike... this may be the reason that they can only field a couple of players.
However , both teams allow the umpies to take the field in a true gesture of sportsmanship. This third team OWN the ball, and are derisively referred to as 'Umpies'
They mainly stand at each end of the pitch. They are scrutinised by both the other teams after every ball thrown, and either shake their head, or occasionally nod and point to the heavens. Maybe pointing to the heavens is a warning to the player who is 'in' that he is being watched from above, and should curb his foul language?, but it invariably causes further profanity. Frequently the Umpies take the ball, but give it back again, or give the other players a 'new' one.
One team member, called a 'Bo-ler' saunters around, polishing the ball until his trousers are dye stained
(never could understand why... it was a brand new ball, anyway)
Then he adopts this Crazy high-stepping ludicrous hopping run, which can only be described as being against all known laws of articular human locomotion, and forcibly throws the ball at the opposing team member, called a 'Bass-man' who has a strange shaped club to defend himself with, and wears weird partial body armour, and a helmet.
A crouching member of the opposition team (also wearing similar armour), hides behind the 'Bass-man'. He is called a 'Whiggety'.. he is actually the primary target of the 'Bo-ler'
The purpose of the 'Whiggety' is to distract the 'Bass-man' with pointed jibes about his mother, wife, G/F, sister, skin colour, lack of sporting talent, or a combination of all these.
You're in until you're out...
When your team are all out, the side that's out, goes in... until they're all out.
When they've all been in and out, it’s repeated again tomorrow, often over several days.
Some players randomly standing around watching play, were reported as being 'silly mid on', 'silly mid off', and 'silly point'
... wtf? .... if it was so silly, why were they there?
One guy close in to the batsman was called 'short leg' but it wasn't obvious, and he didn't appear to have a limp.
Another guy was called at 'cow corner' ... must be a dairy farmer in real life.
They did report than one player was in 'deep cover', but he was plainly visible to all.
I am still confused about the report of the fellow with the square leg?
The Bass-man tries to get opposition team members, who stand around doing nothing, to join the game by hitting the ball in their general direction in an attempt to get them to retrieve it, and return it to the Bo-ler, altho’ the Bass-mans aim seems poor and it often requires an extended chase to retrieve said ball.
Scoring is rather odd... after occasionally hitting the ball, the two players who are 'in', swap ends... sometimes... and occasionally more than once.
Each time they do this, it’s called a 'run' but sometimes they hit long shots, and only run once, (half- heartedly), but casually stroll back to their original positions, and are scored with 4 'runs' and sometimes 6 .... HUH?
Sometimes the game is paused, when a player reaches a ‘ton’ ... whatever that is.
One person acknowledges this, by strolling around the playing area waving his club in the air, grinning like an idiot, while everyone else looks bored.
Invariably, these players are declared ‘OUT’ after facing the very next ball.
There are 3 sticks, called, um... 'Whiggits?' at each end of the playing area, poking out the ground, with two little bits balanced on top. A very fragile balance.
They are the last line of defensive protection from the ‘Bo-ler’ for the 'Whiggety', but are hardly adequate to protect him.
I think he still relies on the 'Bass-man' to deflect the ball, even tho' he has been bagging him out.
Apparently, these sticks are some sort of trophy, as at the end of the match, they are swooped upon by Players of all 3 teams, and also the general public.
Often, the little bits fall off, or the sticks get dislodged from the ground, sometimes by the ball, rarely by the bat, but often by a closed glove of the Whiggety, which is supposed to have the ball hidden in it, at which his team jumps in the air and shouts “AZZAT?” .
The third team assess the situation, sometimes shaking their head, and replying “NOD-OUT!”, sometimes nodding, (and raising the finger)
This decision seems to be completely arbitrary, and depends upon the mood of the Umpie
A Bass-man who is 'in' is so disgusted when shown the raised finger, that he may leave the field, muttering obscenities, (also raising his finger).. to be replaced quickly by another team member.
Cuts both ways, as many members of the fielding team curse at a head shake?.
~ When this occurs, the use of the word ‘SUNOVA-BIJ!’ is common among many players.
Players of two teams always doubt the legitimacy of the ‘Umpies’, and often mention their unmarried parents, but usually under their breath.
There are many references to their impaired vision.
... a bloke that was in, was out... they said something about 'Leg Before ... um.... whiggit' ? (I thought that was where he was supposed to stand, anyway)
..from the way he was hobbling, it wasn't his 'leg' that was hit.... or was it?... maybe the word 'Test' is an abbreviation for a nearby body part?
Possibly the body armour worn in that area requires upgrading.
The highlight of some games, is the unscheduled arrival of a naked person (either male or female gender) who runs onto the field, and is pursued by some members of all 3 teams, and the local constabulary.
When this occurs, there is much merriment among spectators.
>>>Scooter<<<
