Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3044937 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1100 on:** July 22, 2016, 10:41:40 PM »

An Amish lady was driving her horse drawn buggy to town with her young son when she was stopped by a highway patrol officer.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer, "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," said the Amish lady, "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as we return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed that one of the reins to your horse is tied around your horse's testicles.
Some might consider this to be ‘cruelty to animals' so you'd best have your husband check this, too."

"Again I thank thee," said the Amish lady, "I shall have my husband check this also when I return home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector and her husband said that he would repair it immediately.
"Also," said the Amish lady, "the policeman said that there was something wrong with our emergency brake."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1101 on:** July 22, 2016, 10:45:17 PM »

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood.
Suddenly he realized there was a nude couple making love out on the lawn.
Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree.
Then another couple behind some bushes by the house.
He walked up to the door of the house and knocked.

A well-dressed woman answered the door and the man asked what kind of a place this was.
"This is a brothel," replied the madam.

"Well, what's all this carry-on out on the lawn?" queried the man.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."

Williamson · « **Reply #1102 on:** July 22, 2016, 11:13:52 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 10:36:19 PM

2 mm of rain today between 9am and 6pm... however, another 8mm from 7pm to 9pm. Currently, just gusty buffeting winds of around 40/45 kph and frequent light passing showers.
Indoors weather.. even the cats don't want to go outside. I agree with them.

Time to resort to my jokes folder to help pass the time

Please, let the weather improve.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1103 on:** July 22, 2016, 11:17:54 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1104 on:** July 22, 2016, 11:35:43 PM »

Two guys stole a calendar from a newsagent.

...they got six months each....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1105 on:** July 22, 2016, 11:45:40 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1106 on:** July 22, 2016, 11:46:29 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1107 on:** July 22, 2016, 11:50:05 PM »

(I think married and divorced her, a long time ago..)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1108 on:** July 22, 2016, 11:53:46 PM »

Marshall Dillon packed a pair of 44's.

Now that I remember it, so did my first wife!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1109 on:** July 23, 2016, 12:29:12 AM »

.... and..... it's still raining...

... another 4 mm

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1110 on:** July 23, 2016, 01:57:44 AM »

Flip · « **Reply #1111 on:** July 23, 2016, 02:03:41 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 10:45:17 PM

A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood.
Suddenly he realized there was a nude couple making love out on the lawn.
Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree.
Then another couple behind some bushes by the house.
He walked up to the door of the house and knocked.

A well-dressed woman answered the door and the man asked what kind of a place this was.
"This is a brothel," replied the madam.

"Well, what's all this carry-on out on the lawn?" queried the man.

"Oh, we're having a yard sale today."

My 'BETTER HALF' didn't understand this one at all.

Guess it loses something in the translation - or my electronic magic jellybean translation toy is choosing the wrong word. (AGAIN)

Flip

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1112 on:** July 23, 2016, 02:31:43 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1113 on:** July 23, 2016, 03:18:11 AM »


http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/Bikes/alan%20and%20Steve_zpssn8v4bws.mp4

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1114 on:** July 23, 2016, 03:58:34 AM »

There was an old woman
Who lived in a shoe

She had so many children,
because she didn't know what to do....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1115 on:** July 23, 2016, 05:41:26 AM »

...After searching for over 2 years, and failing to find any trace of missing Mh370 aircraft,
Authorities have finally admitted that they failed to look in one direction..

Up ....

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1116 on:** July 23, 2016, 07:39:00 AM »

16 mm rain since 9 am yesterday. and looking out the window, will be more of the same today.
Except colder. 6 degrees outside at the moment.

STeveo · « **Reply #1117 on:** July 23, 2016, 08:28:24 AM »

Keep them coming Kev, makes a good chuckle to start my day.

NTRebel · « **Reply #1118 on:** July 23, 2016, 08:34:23 AM »

Typically Victoria wet one minute drowned the next.

Quote from: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 07:39:00 AM

16 mm rain since 9 am yesterday. and looking out the window, will be more of the same today.
Except colder. 6 degrees outside at the moment.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1119 on:** July 23, 2016, 09:23:47 AM »

Ar, shurrup, Paul, blub blubblblub!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1120 on:** July 23, 2016, 09:31:59 AM »

A suicidal Irishman attempted to shoot himself in the head.

He missed.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1121 on:** July 23, 2016, 09:33:52 AM »

Still raining, just sprinkles..

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #1122 on:** July 23, 2016, 10:45:11 AM »

...and it has reached a whole 10 degrees outside... no wonder the idiots across the road at the footy oval are running everywhere.
.. its one way of staying warm?. I prefer to stand in the corner, it's usually 90 degrees there.

Note the wet road in the foreground. Did I mention that it has been raining?

Pic taken from the sanctuary of my kitchen window.

Biggles · « **Reply #1123 on:** July 23, 2016, 11:27:20 AM »

Quote from: Williamson on July 22, 2016, 11:13:52 PM

Quote from: Kev Murphy on July 22, 2016, 10:36:19 PM
2 mm of rain today between 9am and 6pm... however, another 8mm from 7pm to 9pm. Currently, just gusty buffeting winds of around 40/45 kph and frequent light passing showers.
Indoors weather.. even the cats don't want to go outside. I agree with them.

Time to resort to my jokes folder to help pass the time

Please, let the weather improve.

Nah. It doesn't need to be raining...

NTRebel · « **Reply #1124 on:** July 23, 2016, 12:23:50 PM »

Hope you're wearing your flippers and floaties Kev. Either that or move to Alice Springs where it doesn't rain.

Quote from: Kev Murphy on July 23, 2016, 09:33:52 AM

Still raining, just sprinkles..

Paul

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3044937 times)