Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924055 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16125 on: January 21, 2020, 04:06:41 AM »
A teacher walks into class...
and he says, "OK boys, turn in your homework."

The first student says, "I left mine in my locker."

The teacher says, "There's no one in the hallway, so you go get it!"

The second student says, "I left mine in the library."

The teacher says, "Be very quiet, but you go get it quickly!"

The third student says, "I left mine in the girls locker room and I can't go get it, because the volleyball team is changing into their uniforms."

The teacher says, "You stay here, I'll go get it."
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16126 on: January 21, 2020, 04:09:27 AM »
By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it is raining in Sweden.

 .... How the hell am I supposed to know if its raining in Sweden?

I always ride/drive with my headlights on so I am covered.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16127 on: January 21, 2020, 04:25:01 AM »
Good morning Bodø, have a great day.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16128 on: January 21, 2020, 04:33:22 AM »
I woke up, so it's a great day.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16129 on: January 21, 2020, 04:33:58 AM »
 :thumb
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16130 on: January 21, 2020, 04:35:02 AM »
A police officer is walking down the street one day making his rounds, when he noticed a beautiful blonde woman standing on the sidewalk, crying hysterically.

He runs over to her and says, "What's wrong? Has something terrible happened?"
She replies, "Yes, a stranger just stole the fifty dollars I keep hidden in my bra."
The officer responded, "Did you try to stop him?"
The blonde said, "I didn't know he was after my money!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16131 on: January 21, 2020, 04:38:37 AM »
Today is the day that my friend feeds his dogs treats.


... or Chews-day, as they know it.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16132 on: January 21, 2020, 07:28:17 AM »
A Police Officer is patrolling the streets.

Suddenly he sees something weird, a car that is approaching has a dog behind the steering wheel, while a man sits in the passenger seat .

Of course he signals the car to pull over.

Man in passenger seat has a window already rolled down so the Police Officer starts talking to him:

"Bloody hell man, why would you let a dog drive a car?"

Man shrugs his shoulders and responds:

"Don't ask me, I'm a hitch-hiker."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16133 on: January 21, 2020, 07:35:01 AM »
I started dating this blonde chick last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two."

She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16134 on: January 21, 2020, 11:12:06 AM »
Geriatric.

The act of taking 3 wickets from 3 balls, by a German cricketer.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16135 on: January 21, 2020, 12:24:12 PM »
There's a woman sitting the other side of the restaurant. She has an eye patch.

She keeps winking at me.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16136 on: January 21, 2020, 01:01:31 PM »
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer...
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16137 on: January 21, 2020, 01:05:27 PM »
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring.
The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16138 on: January 21, 2020, 01:07:21 PM »
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer.
I said, "No, wait! I can change."


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16139 on: January 21, 2020, 01:11:16 PM »
It was only when I bought a motorbike that I found out that adrenaline is brown...


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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16140 on: January 21, 2020, 01:13:18 PM »
 :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16141 on: January 21, 2020, 01:13:41 PM »
How can you tell when a Gold Wing rider is having an affair?
His helmet doesn't match the passengers...


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16142 on: January 21, 2020, 01:15:29 PM »
 :thumb :grin
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16143 on: January 21, 2020, 01:16:22 PM »
Some riders don't mind having a third wheel....
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16144 on: January 21, 2020, 01:17:51 PM »
A motorcycle cop was rushed to hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated on him and when he came round he was relieved when they told him all had gone to plan and he was going to be fine.
But the copper kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. He was worried that something may be wrong but he was still too weak from the surgery to do anything. Eventually, he managed to pull his hospital gown down enough to check what was causing the discomfort. When he looked down at his chest he saw three wide strips of ultra-adhesive tape stuck firmly to him. Written on it in large black letters was the message: "Get well soon...from the nurse you gave the ticket to last week. I'll be round to remove the tape later."


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16145 on: January 21, 2020, 01:20:17 PM »
Yesterday I got stuck behind a young girl riding a horse. No matter what I did, I just couldn't get past her. I was tooting my horn, and hanging out the window yelling at her. She still wouldn't let me past.

There was a guy on a motorcycle behind me and he was waving too.

I was getting so wound up and frustrated. "It's people like you that cause accidents!" I shouted.

Eventually, I just couldn't take any more so I looked around to make sure the coast was clear...

... and then I jumped off the carousel.


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16146 on: January 21, 2020, 01:21:58 PM »
What do you call a vicar on a motorcycle?

Rev...


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16147 on: January 21, 2020, 01:24:18 PM »
Sorry about all the jokes/puns, Kev....Just trying to get my post count closer to your 18,000 odd...  :grin  :p  :-++


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16148 on: January 21, 2020, 01:29:23 PM »
Keep them coming Russ, keeps a lot of people entertained. :thumb
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #16149 on: January 21, 2020, 01:31:32 PM »
Geriatric.

The act of taking 3 wickets from 3 balls, by a German cricketer.

I thought it was a magician pulling a Spice Girl out of his hat.
 
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