Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3021176 times)

NTRebel · « **Reply #17800 on:** April 14, 2020, 01:22:22 AM »

morning Kev trust the weather is being nice victorian weather for you.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17801 on:** April 14, 2020, 04:23:16 AM »

Yeah Paul... sorta rabbit-y the last few days .....

NTRebel · « **Reply #17802 on:** April 14, 2020, 07:50:48 AM »

It could be worse you could be getting golf balls from heaven.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17803 on:** April 14, 2020, 08:21:46 AM »

What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man.

In a socialist society, it's the other way round.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17804 on:** April 14, 2020, 09:48:19 AM »

In light of the customers' data breach, Google unveiled a new slogan:

Who's in your wallet today?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17805 on:** April 14, 2020, 11:42:40 AM »

Followed the instructions for my password but they didn’t work.

It said, “Type Password”

So I entered, “Password”

Then it told me, “Your Password is Incorrect”

So I entered, “Incorrect”

To which it said, “Try Again”

So I typed, “Again”

But now for some reason I can’t do anything because it thinks my account name is “Locked Out”?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17806 on:** April 14, 2020, 01:33:25 PM »

Is this legal?

Guess their ages - 10, maybe 12 years old?

Here's a closer look. No lights, no mirrors, no hand signals ....

They both took off up the road at moderately high speed (25/30 kph)

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #17807 on:** April 14, 2020, 03:48:42 PM »

Pretty sure lights are not required on a bicycle unless you're riding at night, Kev...
I believe the only requirement is to have a working brake & bell or horn.
Of course if the engine is putting out more than 200w then it will be classed as a motorcycle and they'll then be in deep poo poo...

Actually, I have one of these bikes parked under my house...maybe I should drag it out and join them???

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17808 on:** April 14, 2020, 03:56:09 PM »

Vic Law also states that riders of motorised bikes must be at least 16 years of age.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17809 on:** April 14, 2020, 03:57:47 PM »

How to make money with your Facebook account:

1. Open settings

2. Delete your account

3. Get a JOB.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #17810 on:** April 14, 2020, 04:42:07 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on April 14, 2020, 03:56:09 PM

Vic Law also states that riders of motorised bikes must be at least 16 years of age.

Where did you get that idea from, Kev?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17811 on:** April 14, 2020, 04:55:05 PM »

I found it on a website earlier, but can't locate it at present

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #17812 on:** April 14, 2020, 05:07:35 PM »

I think you'll find it's wrong...

Check out Vicroads...I can't find any mention of an age limit for powered bicycles...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17813 on:** April 14, 2020, 06:47:28 PM »

Just seen on 7 news... some guy went back to a supermarket, and wanted a refund on 150 bulk packs of toilet paper, and a large amount of hand sanitizer.

The supervisor flipped the customer off.

ruSTynutz · « **Reply #17814 on:** April 14, 2020, 08:19:47 PM »

I'll give him $10.00 for the lot...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17815 on:** April 14, 2020, 08:44:12 PM »

He probably tried to flog it on eBay, and came unstuck.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17816 on:** April 14, 2020, 11:03:20 PM »

Does anyone know how long it takes to cook those 'boil in the bag' fish?

They didn't give any cooking instructions at the Pet shop?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17817 on:** April 15, 2020, 03:26:25 AM »

A woman sued the Hospital, saying that "After her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex".

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery.
- all we did, was correct his eyesight.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17818 on:** April 15, 2020, 06:06:05 AM »

"Hi Nancy! You're looking good!"

"Thanks Mr. President. Sorry I can't say the same about you."

"You could if you lie as much as I do."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17819 on:** April 15, 2020, 06:38:56 AM »

Guy at a grocery store: "Are these genetically modified apples?"

Store worker: "Why do you ask?"

Apple: "Yeah, why do you ask?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17820 on:** April 15, 2020, 06:58:13 AM »

A guy goes into a store and asks if they sell Potato Clocks.

The assistant says “Sorry sir, we don’t. We have battery clocks, electrical clocks, wind up clocks. In fact I’ve never even heard of a potato clock?”

The man says...
“Neither have I, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and my wife said I should get a potato clock.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17821 on:** April 15, 2020, 08:39:27 AM »

THINGS CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY:

Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.

Man who fights with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Wise man does not keep sledge hammer and slow computer in same room.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

And Finally, Confucius Did Not Say. . ..

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17822 on:** April 15, 2020, 08:58:06 AM »

Breaking News: Wal-Mart to close 400 stores in the US.

Sources say it would put thirty checkout cashiers out of work.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17823 on:** April 15, 2020, 09:02:03 PM »

Had a migraine headache this morning. Found a bottle of pain killers, and did as suggested, 1 pill every 4 hours.

Oh yeah, and it also had some great advice on the bottom of the label "Keep away from children"
So I locked the doors to keep them out.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #17824 on:** April 15, 2020, 10:57:01 PM »

My brother is taking part in a political social experiment...
He has to wear an 'I support Daniel Andrews' t-shirt for 2 weeks, and see how people react.
So far he's been spat on, punched, and had an empty beer bottle thrown at him!

I am curious to see what happens if he goes outside.