Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924101 times)

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17525 on: April 01, 2020, 06:23:12 PM »
I could actually get away with that.
 
The following users thanked this post: Kev Murphy

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17526 on: April 01, 2020, 06:25:33 PM »
 :grin
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17527 on: April 01, 2020, 06:31:06 PM »
A giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest .. and then the giraffe brags,
"Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful and then asks,

"Have you puked lately?"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17528 on: April 01, 2020, 06:35:46 PM »
Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.


- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, as told from the perspective of the ring
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: STeveo

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17529 on: April 01, 2020, 06:41:41 PM »
My girlfriend just screamed at me for tickling my child's feet.

She said something about 'waiting until they're born'
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17530 on: April 01, 2020, 06:47:04 PM »
A lady went into a bar and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady.Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: STeveo

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17531 on: April 01, 2020, 06:56:01 PM »
After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor.


Ten or twelve feet away from any microphone.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17532 on: April 01, 2020, 09:19:42 PM »
I went to the Cinema yesterday...
...I was buying popcorn, a drink and some sweets.

As I went to pay I said, "I'm ever so sorry, I've only got a $50 note."

The lady said, "That's ok, you can put the sweets back!"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17533 on: April 02, 2020, 04:38:54 AM »
Sounds like fibs to me.  Cinemas are closed aren't they?
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17534 on: April 02, 2020, 05:41:59 AM »
Why do noses run, and feet smell?

Probably the same reason your ass itches, and your finger stinks.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17535 on: April 02, 2020, 05:53:26 AM »
The local cinema was robbed last weekend.

They said that almost $500 worth of stock was stolen.

The thieves took a 2 packets of Maltesers, 4 Cherry Ripe bars, 3 large bottles of soda, and a large popcorn...
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17536 on: April 02, 2020, 09:33:42 AM »
Two policemen attended an XXX rated film.

Cop Porn?
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17537 on: April 02, 2020, 09:42:28 AM »
A man woke up to find his car missing.
The man and his wife rushed to the police station to report the theft.
They went back home with sad faces and continued their routine work.
But life is full of surprises, when he got up the next morning, he saw his car in the garage, completely washed and polished.

He saw an envelope on the driver’s seat. When he opened it up he found 4 Cinema tickets along with a letter.

“*Dear Sir i’m sorry for borrowing your car. My wife was pregnant, and yesterday she felt labor pain.
I don’t have a car and couldn’t find a lift so i broke the lock of your car. On the way to the hospital her water broke.
I have washed and polished your car, and here are some cinema tickets for your entire family.
Please go and enjoy the movie.*”

The man become emotional, he told his wife and that day they went to the cinema together.

They came back home to find the front door open, and all locks were broken and cash was missing.
There was a short note purposely placed on the sofa….

“**How was the film?**”
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17538 on: April 02, 2020, 09:58:18 AM »
"Some foods cause breathing difficulties and give me sleepless nights." I told my wife.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Baked beans."

"But you don't eat baked beans?"

"No," I said, "but you do."
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17539 on: April 02, 2020, 02:08:02 PM »
A couple of boats from the local fishing fleet pulled into the wharf today, and were selling their catch direct from the boats because all the fish and chip shops are closed. Didn't take long for the word to get around.
Around 200 plus cars were lined up, and it wasn't long before the police arrived.

They couldn't do a damned thing tho', because people argued that it was to put food on the table, therefore it was a shopping trip.

Damned good value too, Schnapper, Salmon, Orange Roughy, Tuna etc. for just $100 per 25 Kilo lot.
All their catch was sold, and the seafront was clear of cars again in less than an hour.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 
The following users thanked this post: STeveo

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17540 on: April 02, 2020, 02:13:39 PM »
A man went out with his buddies for a night on the town, ending up in a house of ill repute.

A week later, he was at his doctor's office, complaining about the large green lump on the end of his penis.

After a thorough exam, the doctor consulted a large book, flicking through it until he finally looked up.

"I'm afraid this is quite serious. You know how boxers get cauliflower ear?"

"Yeah?" said his patient.

"Well," the doctor said, "it seems you've developed a brothel sprout!"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17541 on: April 02, 2020, 05:19:59 PM »
Cabbie was driving a blonde home after the nightclub closed.

"Do you know what the hardest part of the night is?" queried the taxi driver.

"Ummm ... his armour??" said the blonde.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17542 on: April 02, 2020, 05:31:38 PM »
The waiter asked me 'Do you want white, or unrefined sugar?'

I said 'It doesn't matter - I'm Ambidextrose.'
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17543 on: April 02, 2020, 06:24:03 PM »
A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty young women is not a "Sugar Daddy", but an artificial sweetener.
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Bodø

  • Guest
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17544 on: April 02, 2020, 06:26:39 PM »
I’ve always heard that you should surround yourself with ‘positive’ people. I think I might give that advice a miss this time around.
 
The following users thanked this post: STeveo, Kev Murphy, ruSTynutz

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17545 on: April 02, 2020, 07:57:02 PM »
A group of women created an online dating site to try and attract sugar daddies.

They called it "Girls just wanna have funds"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17546 on: April 02, 2020, 08:21:38 PM »
America is truly the greatest country.

It has freedom from prosecution for cops and politicians ...
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17547 on: April 03, 2020, 12:35:14 AM »
Travel Agent "Getting you THERE is no problem, its just getting you home again this afternoon before they close the borders!"

Travellers "But ... we are only flying from Essendon to Moorabbin???"
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17548 on: April 03, 2020, 12:43:56 AM »
My friend is quarantined to his home.
One benefit of living in a mobile home,
he can go basically anywhere without leaving home!
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com
 

Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94865
  • Thanked: 10864 times
  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17549 on: April 03, 2020, 05:55:31 AM »
A rental van ran over my foot today...


Bloody Hertz!
0428 306 496

kjmurphy2@bigpond.com