Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3063764 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14075 on: September 20, 2019, 10:18:06 AM »
Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long lineup for bread...
Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a lousy loaf of bread!
I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off.

A couple hours later, he's back.
His friend asked "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think that *this* line is long?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14076 on: September 20, 2019, 10:23:19 AM »
The leaders of Russia, North Korea and the United States fly up to the international space station...
Upon their arrival, they marvel at the view of the earth from such a magnificent height.
They begin to toss around ideas of ways they could all benefit from the ISS.

Putin talks about all of the opportunities to use imaging to spy on people from outer space.
The other leaders nod silently in agreement.

Next up, the Kim Jong Un begins to talk about the potential to use the space station as the point of origin for interstellar ballistics.
The other two nod in agreement.

Many minutes pass before both Putin and Kim Jong Un turn to Trump, looking for his input on the situation...

Trump looks up from his phone, confused, and asks... "Do either of you know the wifi password on this thing?
I've got to tweet to all the communists back home about how cordial and democratic our talks have been!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14077 on: September 20, 2019, 10:29:07 AM »
I went to an Indian restaurant last night.

They had phenomenal flatbread, and I asked the owner if there was any chance he could give me the recipe?
 
He said yes, but only under the condition that I sign a naan-disclosure agreement.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14078 on: September 20, 2019, 10:39:15 AM »
Gotta love Indian Kulcha.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14079 on: September 20, 2019, 10:47:14 AM »
Roti is pretty good too.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14080 on: September 20, 2019, 08:17:38 PM »
A Russian diplomat and an American diplomat are discussing the differences between their two systems.

The American tries to make it easy for the Russian to understand the concept of free speech.

"Anytime I want", says the Yank, "I can walk right up to the top of the steps at Capital Hill and yell, The President of America is a crook and a liar! and no one will try to stop me."

"Hah!, you are naive, my American friend."

"I," says the Russian, "can climb the steps to the very doors of the Kremlin, pound on the doors, allow the Red Guards to surround me, and yell as loud as I can, "The President of America is a crook and a liar!" and no one will try to stop me, either!."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14081 on: September 20, 2019, 08:19:45 PM »
Thief stole a calendar from a display.

Got 12 months for his effort.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14082 on: September 20, 2019, 08:22:34 PM »
Two Chinese crooks break into a distillery.

One says to the other, "Is this whiskey?"

The other one replies, "Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14083 on: September 20, 2019, 08:25:26 PM »
Thief stole a calendar from a display.

Got 12 months for his effort.

And after all that be was back where he started.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14084 on: September 20, 2019, 08:26:36 PM »
The following headline appeared in the daily newspaper and threw the city hall into an uproar: "Half the city council are crooks."

A retraction in full was demanded of the editor under the threat of a libel suit.

Next afternoon, the headline read, "Half the city council aren't crooks."
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Offline Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14085 on: September 20, 2019, 10:37:08 PM »
I have no idea why I'm in the dog house.

My wife said to me, "Please go to the shop and buy me a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six."

I came home with 6 cartons of milk.

She yells at me "Why in hell did you get six cartons of milk?"

"BECAUSE THEY HAD EGGS"
Shillas :13Candy

CB 125 - long gone
RD 200 - long gone
CB 250T - long gone
XJ 650 - reasonably long gone
XV 750 - reasonably long gone
VN 800 - gone
ST 1100 - recently gone
ST 1300 - In the garage
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14086 on: September 20, 2019, 10:40:48 PM »
 :thumbs :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14087 on: September 21, 2019, 05:12:07 AM »
 :rofl
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14088 on: September 22, 2019, 10:28:28 AM »
Home again to a hectic welcome by the cats, a bit ragged around the edges but ok. Probably spend most of today sleeping.

Life experiences are like a helicopter pilot, full of ups and downs.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14089 on: September 22, 2019, 10:34:20 AM »
Was easy to spot a hooker at the bar.

All she ordered was mountain dew.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14090 on: September 22, 2019, 10:48:51 AM »
One Wednesday, a teacher says to her students,
"Whoever can answer this next question correctly can go home for the day."
Naturally the entire class sits up and pays attention at the possibility of skipping the whole day.

She slams her hand on the desk for emphasis and says, "How many drops of water are there in the ocean?"

Naturally, none of the kids have the answer to such an abstract question.
The teacher smugly tells them, "I guess we're all staying, then!"

The next day, the teacher makes the same offer. "Whoever can answer this next question correctly can go home for the day."
She slams her hand on her desk for emphasis and asks, "How many grains of sand are there in the desert?"

Naturally, nobody can answer, and the teacher smugly tells them that everybody will be staying.
Little Johnny decides he's had enough.

At the end of the day, he gets a fistful of ping-pong balls from the gym, paints them black, and wedges them under the edge of the teacher's desk so no one will be able to see them.

The next day, the teacher makes her announcement as usual. "Whoever can answer this next question can go home for the day!"
As she slams her hand on the desk, the ping-pong balls are shaken loose and bounce all over the room to the delight of the entire class.

Infuriated, the teacher demands, "All right, who's the comedian with the black balls?!"

"Eddie Murphy!" says little Johnny ...  "See ya Monday."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14091 on: September 22, 2019, 01:19:08 PM »
When Trump tried to buy Greenland, he went about it the wrong way.

He should have used the same strategy as China is using to buy Australia, small steps at a time.

(Homes, properties, farms, businesses, industries, mineral resources etc...)
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14092 on: September 22, 2019, 05:11:56 PM »
Greenland doesn't really have a lot of that.  It's mostly ice.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14093 on: September 22, 2019, 05:13:39 PM »
THIS is gonna come back and bite him in the ass!

ScoMo just gifted 150 million dollars of tax payers money to NASA!

JAYSUS FREAKING CHRIST! Aussies are on the streets with nowhere to live, and he does THIS????
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14094 on: September 22, 2019, 05:14:46 PM »
A lot of homelessness is a lifestyle choice.
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14095 on: September 22, 2019, 05:30:28 PM »
Tell that to families who are waiting over 12 months for housing to become available.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14096 on: September 22, 2019, 05:38:02 PM »
On a lighter note, I created this... only 20 seconds of your time...

https://youtu.be/GHzKhC8j25U
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14097 on: September 22, 2019, 05:42:05 PM »
Tell that to families who are waiting over 12 months for housing to become available.

Most real estate agents have something on their books.  It just depends how fussy you are.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14098 on: September 22, 2019, 05:47:12 PM »
Don't forget affordability.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #14099 on: September 22, 2019, 05:52:30 PM »
I misplaced my Dwayne Johnson’s cutting tool for the origami workshop...


... I can’t believe I lost the Rock’s Paper Scissors...
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