Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3021035 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16475 on:** February 08, 2020, 11:17:49 PM »

The main difference between soccer and basketball, is that basketball players suffer from actual injuries.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16476 on:** February 08, 2020, 11:20:25 PM »

The Paralympics wheelchair team was banned from international competition after they tested positive to WD-40

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16477 on:** February 08, 2020, 11:25:00 PM »

The blue whale is so big, that if you laid it across the centreline of a football field,

... the game would be cancelled.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16478 on:** February 08, 2020, 11:35:20 PM »

How do you milk sheep?

Put an apple logo on your product.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16479 on:** February 08, 2020, 11:41:37 PM »

The ORIGINAL ewe-tube.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16480 on:** February 08, 2020, 11:45:24 PM »

My Girlfriend is the sort of girl that men whistle at...

She looks like a dog.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16481 on:** February 09, 2020, 02:08:45 AM »

Japanese Christians offer rice wine to Jesus.
For Christ’s sake.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16482 on:** February 09, 2020, 02:14:03 AM »

A Chinese, Indian, American, and African decided to have a party, each bringing in their own traditional food.

The Chinese brings in fried rice, the Indian brings in curry, the American brings in burgers, and the African brings in an empty plate.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16483 on:** February 09, 2020, 02:15:47 AM »

You can't fool me. I know chicken fried rice isn't real.

You expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16484 on:** February 09, 2020, 02:17:59 AM »

My wife came back home from the hairdressers.
She asked me what I thought of her new look, and she got upset when I made my reply.

'So, you think I look like a bulldog!' she wept.

I laughed to myself.

'No! You need to get your ears tested!' I replied.

'Oh...' she began to smile.

'I said you look like a bald hog,' I added.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16485 on:** February 09, 2020, 02:34:49 AM »

Me: "How much to buy a singing ensemble?"

Producer: "You mean a choir?"

Me: "Whatever! ... how much to ACQUIRE a singing ensemble?"

Bodø · « **Reply #16486 on:** February 09, 2020, 03:47:55 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on February 09, 2020, 02:08:45 AM

Japanese Christians offer rice wine to Jesus.
For Christ’s sake.

You'd be surprised but there is a significant christian community in the island of Kyūshū.

I don't think the pun was intended, but I did capture this from If You Are The One on sbs a few years ago.

Bodø · « **Reply #16487 on:** February 09, 2020, 03:50:12 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on February 08, 2020, 11:11:40 PM

When flat-earth people play basketball they must be like...

"Yo! pass me the frisbee, bro!"

When I went to university I got asked if I would like to join the frisbee club to which I said pfft, I'm not in primary school. Some weeks later I walked through an oval and they were playing a football type game but with a frisbee and I thought actually that does look like fun.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16488 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:33:13 AM »

It has been proven that Greta Thunberg is making a real difference to climate change.

Every time she appears on TV, around 1 million people immediately switch it off.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16489 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:35:47 AM »

Boris Johnson's favourite TV show.

Deal or No Deal

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16490 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:38:25 AM »

My friend bought a new LG TV.

My comment, "Sounds gay!" went right over his head.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16491 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:45:07 AM »

My diet pills weren't working, so I contacted the manufacturer.

"Butt weight, ... there's more!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16492 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:52:52 AM »

Master Po, why is kung fu so hard?

Grasshopper, have you seen the peace of the sunrise through the morning mists?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the patience of the crane as it stands still in the pond until a fish swims by?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the rushing water tumbling over the stones, and how the stones rest undisturbed despite the water?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the majesty of the full moon in the deep silence of the night?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

...Grasshopper?

\--Yes, Master Po.

You should spend more time training, and less time watching crap like that.!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16493 on:** February 09, 2020, 10:06:22 AM »

The existence of casual sex infers the existence of competitive sex, and since none of us have competed, we are all amateurs.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16494 on:** February 09, 2020, 10:38:56 AM »

... and I thought the scammers had given up..... (I do not have a St George account)
As if any bank would send emails on a Sunday?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16495 on:** February 09, 2020, 10:46:11 AM »

Hmmm... Sunday morning can of worms... 3 separate (identical emails from 3 different sources) with information on how to become a millionaire within 4 months via bitcoin...

... As if!

P.S. It helps if your net worth is somewhere around $87billion via your mining ownership options.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16496 on:** February 09, 2020, 10:55:21 AM »

There is more evidence of my own physical existence, than that of any of the gods.

- Yet nobody believes in me?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16497 on:** February 09, 2020, 03:05:34 PM »

Just saw the STUPIDEST stunt of the month!!!!

Teen on a motorised bike went past my flat, at speed, TOWING a twelve year old on a pushbike, with a six foot long rope!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16498 on:** February 09, 2020, 06:19:47 PM »

Instructions on a bottle of Parkinson's Disease medication are totally unwarranted.

'Shake well before use.'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16499 on:** February 09, 2020, 06:24:16 PM »

How to make money with your Facebook account:

1. Open settings

2. Delete your account

3. Get off your butt and get a job.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3021035 times)

Bodø

Bodø