Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3044087 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16900 on:** March 01, 2020, 06:16:55 PM »

I had to remove the crab from my fish tank.

He spent too much time watching prawn!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16901 on:** March 01, 2020, 06:21:31 PM »

Quote from: Bodø on March 01, 2020, 06:06:33 PM

You'll be pleased to know it's raning in Adelaide right now Kev.

Not exactly beer and skittles here either, Bodø.

« **Reply #16902 on:** March 01, 2020, 06:30:27 PM »

The green looks like a map of greece.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16903 on:** March 01, 2020, 08:07:39 PM »

Has only dumped about 6mm of rain here so far ...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16904 on:** March 01, 2020, 09:03:44 PM »

Now been 10mm of rain here.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16905 on:** March 02, 2020, 01:23:22 AM »

Rain has moved on, had around 15 mm since 7pm

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16906 on:** March 02, 2020, 01:45:37 AM »

Paddy phoned Ryanair to book a flight:

Operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?

Paddy replies, "Now how would I know that?, It's your plane!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16907 on:** March 02, 2020, 01:50:49 AM »

My phone rang....

I answered: "Hello?"

"*cough!, cough!, achoo!!*"

"Who is this?"

"*cough!, achoo!, cough!, cough!*"

I slammed the phone down. I hate cold calls.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16908 on:** March 02, 2020, 02:07:18 AM »

Scientists have discovered a new way to milk sheep.

Just release a new iphone every year.

Bodø · « **Reply #16909 on:** March 02, 2020, 04:07:04 AM »

Mrs Glimt said she wants one last week because she's sick of listening to her sister bang on about it. So what? What you have works for you so why? That said, we longer live under the one roof so it's of no concer to me.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16910 on:** March 02, 2020, 10:46:00 AM »

Little Johnny was asked what he thinks heaven is like.

He said, “I think everyone would be children, constantly playing around and wresting with each other.
There’d be no adults to tell us to stop, or get us into trouble.”

The priest responds, “Sounds like heaven to me too.”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16911 on:** March 02, 2020, 10:47:40 AM »

I saw two kids fighting on the school playground, and being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Little mongrels didn’t stand a chance…

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16912 on:** March 02, 2020, 10:50:01 AM »

Why is it that adults find bubble wrap annoying?

Nobody really knows, it's just a hallmark of pop culture.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16913 on:** March 02, 2020, 10:58:24 AM »

I am going to build an app that allows people to charge rent to their adult children when they move back in home after college.

I will call it HeirBNB.

Bodø · « **Reply #16914 on:** March 02, 2020, 11:18:05 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on March 02, 2020, 10:50:01 AM

Why is it that adults find bubble wrap annoying?
Nobody really knows, it's just a hallmark of pop culture.

We had roll of bubble wrap delivered to work once. I asked the boss where he wanted it stored...."Just pop it in the corner he said." ...... Took me nearly 6 hours to finish !!!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16915 on:** March 02, 2020, 11:21:49 AM »

ST1100_GREG · « **Reply #16916 on:** March 02, 2020, 11:53:02 AM »

"I don't want to be interrupted by jibber about 'Jinny Kregs wet loss program' or 'Finder dart karm dart hey you'. This is Australia, we have our OWN accent, and do not need to suffer advertising using other accents."

This is why we watch ABC and or Netflix.
We will switch occasionally to SBS. When the other has stupid on.
Vote 1 for no advertising. Put it in my letter box so I can recycle it..
Rant over

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16917 on:** March 02, 2020, 02:35:07 PM »

A bus driver was called into court for negligent driving which killed 23 children and 5 adults.
The judge asked the bus driver, "Why did you kill all those innocent people??"

The bus driver looked a little sad and answered, "I didn't mean to! It was by mistake!"

"How did it happen?" Asked the judge.

"Well," said the bus driver, "I was driving along my normal route, but suddenly, on the road, I saw a cow!
I swerved into the woods and hit a tree! I managed to escape, but all the other people just didn't make it in time... the bus exploded and all the people died with it..."

"Why did you not just run over the cow?" Asked the judge.

"I tried!" said the bus driver, ... "But the cow ran into the woods!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16918 on:** March 02, 2020, 03:32:44 PM »

Big line at the checkout, with me on the end of the line.

Hmmm? ... how to reduce waiting time?

Began to cough, and sniffle ... said out loud
"Damn! Haven't been able to shake this cold since I got home from China!"

Line vanished and I was through the checkout within 60 seconds....

Bodø · « **Reply #16919 on:** March 02, 2020, 03:37:22 PM »

Quote from: Bodø on February 22, 2020, 03:08:20 PM

You might actually get removed from the queue and taken outside.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16920 on:** March 02, 2020, 03:44:35 PM »

I don't understand why these security guards are holding me down, tho?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16921 on:** March 02, 2020, 03:47:26 PM »

Pornhub has taken over the adult video industry...

And they've done it single-handedly!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16922 on:** March 02, 2020, 05:21:57 PM »

Created this just to waste 20 seconds of your time, and maybe entertain you for a short while...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfR3dLtWoog

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16923 on:** March 02, 2020, 05:46:16 PM »

Telling a Lie is ...

a sin for a child,

a fault for an adult,

an art for a lover,

a profession for a lawyer,

a requirement for a politician,

a management tool for a boss,

an accomplishment for a bachelor,

an excuse for a subordinate, but

A matter of survival for a Married Man!!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #16924 on:** March 02, 2020, 06:45:06 PM »

After ww2 most of the (still alive) Yugoslavian jews moved to Israel.

Schlomo Shekelowitz decides to stay in Yugoslavia, just to test the new socialist regime.

After a year, he too moves to Israel.

One of his old friends sees him and asks

"SCHLOMO! Long time we did not see each other ! How is it in Yugoslavia now ?"

Schlomo responds : "I couldn't complain".

His friend responds : "So why did you move here then ?"

Schlomo repeats. "I couldn't complain",

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3044087 times)

Bodø

Bodø

Bodø