Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2925253 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15500 on: December 10, 2019, 01:13:23 AM »
Chuck Norris was shot this morning.


According to the news report, the bullet is in a critical condition.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15501 on: December 10, 2019, 01:15:04 AM »
Insolence!

My neighbour rang my doorbell at 1 o'clock in the morning!

I could barely hear it over my hammer drill.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15502 on: December 10, 2019, 01:19:05 AM »
On July 22nd a woman went to the hospital emergency room, thinking she had a Cancer.

Labour took longer than expected however, and instead she had a Leo on July 23rd.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15503 on: December 10, 2019, 01:26:06 AM »
When Kim Kardashian went to the beach, Police arrested and charged her with plastic pollution.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15504 on: December 10, 2019, 02:39:30 AM »
A man awoke in the hospital, and asked "Was I brought in here to die?"

The male nurse replied "Nah, mate! Ambo's brung you here yesterdie!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15505 on: December 10, 2019, 02:54:43 AM »
Today in the Gulf Stream, two dolphins were caught cheating on their significant others, and in the Australian surf, a humpback whale gave the term new meaning when he was found in the fins of a beluga.


I like to stay on top of current affairs.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15506 on: December 10, 2019, 02:57:56 AM »
Stupid Americans think that Australian cows say 'OOW'
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15507 on: December 10, 2019, 08:49:19 AM »
A friends wife was telling me of their intended holiday trip. "We're off to Perth via Broome"

I said: "Surely you could just catch a plane instead?"

My mate lost it.... damn near choked! :rofl
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15508 on: December 10, 2019, 08:59:20 AM »
The lifeguard threw the elephants out of the swimming pool because they wouldn't keep their trunks up.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15509 on: December 10, 2019, 12:06:24 PM »
His swimming teacher asked him "What's your favourite stroke?"

Johnny replied "The one that finished off Margaret Thatcher"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15510 on: December 10, 2019, 06:52:22 PM »
In 1945, Hiroshima produced more rice crispies than Kelloggs.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15511 on: December 10, 2019, 07:04:12 PM »
Union Carbide killed more Indians than John Wayne.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15512 on: December 11, 2019, 01:06:37 AM »
My wife has worked as a magician’s assistant for years now.

She seems to have picked up a few tricks from them.

When I came home from work early today, she was in the bedroom.

She waved her arms and said, “Abracadabra!” and my mate, Dave, came out of the wardrobe, stark naked!

Poor bugger, he must have wondered what the hell was going on?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15513 on: December 11, 2019, 07:16:54 AM »
What did the echidna say to Noah?

Whadda you mean, you only brought two ants!?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15514 on: December 11, 2019, 09:52:47 AM »
They are going to rename the new 'Pay Every Debt Online .. download your file here' site.

Understandable...

WWW.pedo/file.com
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15515 on: December 11, 2019, 02:53:57 PM »
I hate the sound of my washing machine.

So agitating!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15516 on: December 11, 2019, 02:56:06 PM »
My wife is constantly washing up.

Four times now, I have dragged her body back out to sea
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15517 on: December 11, 2019, 05:54:50 PM »
Two of us washed up on a desert island, the only survivors of a shipwreck.

"There's no animals here but there's plenty of fruit and plants" said the other bloke, "this is Paradise because I'm a vegan."
He laughed and said, "You'll have to become vegan too."

"The hell I will !!" I said, as I picked up a rock.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15518 on: December 11, 2019, 06:01:35 PM »
It's a fallacy that you wash your hands


They actually wash each other, while you stand there and watch
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15519 on: December 11, 2019, 06:02:53 PM »
Two of us washed up on a desert island, the only survivors of a shipwreck.

"There's no animals here but there's plenty of fruit and plants" said the other bloke, "this is Paradise because I'm a vegan."
He laughed and said, "You'll have to become vegan too."

"The hell I will !!" I said, as I picked up a rock.


Rocks won't be good for your teeth. 
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15520 on: December 11, 2019, 06:03:51 PM »
No, but they will tenderise the vegan  :grin
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15521 on: December 11, 2019, 06:04:22 PM »
I hate the sound of my washing machine.

So agitating!

I feel the same way about cement trucks.
 
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15522 on: December 11, 2019, 06:05:50 PM »
It's a fallacy that you wash your hands
They actually wash each other, while you stand there and watch

That is a different way of looking at it.  On the other hand...






You have different fingers.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15523 on: December 11, 2019, 09:13:10 PM »
The blonde hairdresser was washing another blonde's hair. She said "Do you want any conditioner?"

The blonde replied, "Extra volume?"

The hairdresser said "DO YOU WANT ANY CONDITIONER?!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15524 on: December 11, 2019, 10:53:02 PM »
What’s so great about living next to a cemetery?

You don’t need their consent to have a BBQ in the backyard!
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