Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3008602 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12150 on:** May 02, 2019, 09:30:59 PM »

A woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she said to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he replied.

That evening, he came home with a small package, and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12151 on:** May 02, 2019, 09:44:00 PM »

As I was walking around the supermarket earlier tonight, I saw a young woman with spiked red and blue hair.

As a guy was turning into an aisle behind her back he called, in a falsetto voice "ARRK!... Polly want a cracker?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12152 on:** May 02, 2019, 10:46:04 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12153 on:** May 03, 2019, 01:03:18 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12154 on:** May 03, 2019, 09:13:30 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12155 on:** May 03, 2019, 12:41:12 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12156 on:** May 03, 2019, 01:13:55 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12157 on:** May 03, 2019, 04:52:14 PM »

What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

A: When a busload of Politicians goes off the road and rolls into a ravine.

What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

A: There were 3 empty seats.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12158 on:** May 03, 2019, 06:16:15 PM »

New stamps featuring 'Poor'lene Hanson have been recalled by AusPost, as they failed to adhere to postal articles due to clients spitting on the wrong side.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12159 on:** May 03, 2019, 08:56:18 PM »

Quasimodo was running down the street, chased by a group of kids.

He shouted, "For the last time, I HAVEN'T GOT YOUR BLOODY FOOTBALL!!!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12160 on:** May 03, 2019, 10:25:59 PM »

A Ray Charles doll is being marketed.

You wind it up, and watch it bump into furniture.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12161 on:** May 04, 2019, 03:58:31 AM »

Some guy waved to me from the other side of the road.
I waved back.
He walked across the road to me then said "Sorry! ... I thought you were someone else?"
I replied "I am!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12162 on:** May 04, 2019, 04:11:53 AM »

A Blonde was telling her friend about her new phone.

"Every time someone wants to speak to me, it vibrates! ... How does it know that?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12163 on:** May 04, 2019, 10:16:28 AM »

MAY THE FORTH BE WITH YOU!

(Thorry about the lithp!)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12164 on:** May 04, 2019, 10:25:31 AM »

Why is it that no words in the English language rhyme with month, orange, silver, or purple?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12165 on:** May 04, 2019, 10:30:36 AM »

The only time and place teens go camping is in front of the Apple store a couple days before the release of the new iPhone.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12166 on:** May 04, 2019, 10:39:50 AM »

I picked up this crazy virus online, but found a fix.

When I left the house, my parents still insisted on placing the computer in the corner of the house with the screen facing the wall, like the computer was in the 'naughty corner'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12167 on:** May 04, 2019, 01:46:51 PM »

Scott Morrison and Bill Shorten have had their second mass-debate. (still trying to prove who is the best wanker)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12168 on:** May 04, 2019, 03:07:06 PM »

The Liberals are the party of bad ideas.

Labor are the party of no ideas.

UAP "Whats an idea?"

Sarah cry-baby Hanson-Young. "THREE ideas? ... I thought you said TREE ideas!"

'Poor'lene' Hanson "Why is everybody picking on me?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12169 on:** May 04, 2019, 05:24:42 PM »

My dishwasher broke down.

So I slapped her butt, and told her to get her act together.

Jdbiker · « **Reply #12170 on:** May 04, 2019, 05:57:18 PM »

You coulda called me.....I fixum good, the dishwasher that is🤓

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12171 on:** May 04, 2019, 10:58:54 PM »

A friend with a hobby farm just out of town here has a pet pig named Ink, because he keeps running out of his pen.

He also has a couple of pet lambs, one named Roast, and the other, Chops .. and a cow named T-bone.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12172 on:** May 04, 2019, 11:21:50 PM »

A lawyer's dog was running around town unleashed, headed for a butcher shop and stole a roast.
Recognising the dog, the angry butcher went to the lawyer's office and politely asked:
"If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer smiled and answers, "Absolutely!"
"Then you owe me $17.50. Your dog was unleashed, and stole a roast from me today!"
The lawyer, without a word, wrote the butcher a check for $17.50.
The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, left.
Three days later, the butcher received a bill from the lawyer: Consultation, $185.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12173 on:** May 05, 2019, 02:42:32 AM »

"I was so upset when my grandpa died."

"When did he die?"

"During World War II."

"Died in battle?"

"No, he was skiing in Vermont in 1942 and hit a tree"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12174 on:** May 05, 2019, 02:49:38 AM »

At a friends house last night, when a doorbell sounded on the TV.

Both his dogs started barking, and ran to the door.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3008602 times)