Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3062716 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29175 on: April 12, 2021, 12:14:32 PM »
In the hospital, I asked the charge nurse for a phone charger - she was very offended.

Don't even get me started on the reaction from the head nurse.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29176 on: April 12, 2021, 12:17:13 PM »
Religious differences destroyed our marriage.

I wasn’t allowed to love my neighbour.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29177 on: April 12, 2021, 12:18:05 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29178 on: April 12, 2021, 12:27:23 PM »
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you keep drying your clothes will they eventually just disappear?

Is this the reason behind lost socks?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29179 on: April 12, 2021, 12:30:35 PM »
I divorced my wife because she was too loud in bed.

I could hear her from the corner house as I got off the bus.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29180 on: April 12, 2021, 12:31:49 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29181 on: April 12, 2021, 12:37:40 PM »
My neighbour got offended that I used the word “puke”

But to me, that’s what her cooking tasted like.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29182 on: April 12, 2021, 12:38:45 PM »
How to stop repeat offenders?

Don't re-elect them!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29183 on: April 12, 2021, 12:48:14 PM »
Sean Connery



"I shprayed Febreeze in my bathroom.
Now it shmellsh like shitrush."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29184 on: April 12, 2021, 12:55:47 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29185 on: April 12, 2021, 02:56:12 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29186 on: April 12, 2021, 03:26:56 PM »
Trump is like a pickpocket, ... the pickpocket is a 'snatch n grab' artist, Trump is known for "grabbin' snatch!' "
« Last Edit: April 12, 2021, 04:06:32 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29187 on: April 12, 2021, 04:41:39 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29188 on: April 12, 2021, 04:42:15 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29189 on: April 12, 2021, 04:42:45 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29190 on: April 12, 2021, 05:32:19 PM »
After 5 years of marriage, a couple filed for divorce.
The court was finalizing their divorce when the Judge looked to the couple and said; "You've got 3 kids, how will you divide them?"

The couple then had a long conversation between the two of them. "We'll be back in twelve months." They said.

9 months later, they had twins.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29191 on: April 12, 2021, 05:38:23 PM »
A couple from Alabama is lying in bed together.
Suddenly, without thinking, the woman says, "You are much better in bed than our son!"

The man stops and stares at the woman. "I, uh, take it back!" she stammers.

"Don't worry," says the man. "Our daughter said that too!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29192 on: April 12, 2021, 05:39:34 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29193 on: April 12, 2021, 05:45:24 PM »
Did you know that most married couples would rather eat a good meal at a restaurant, than have sex?

Because it tends to disturb the people at the other tables.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29194 on: April 12, 2021, 05:49:36 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29195 on: April 12, 2021, 06:40:52 PM »
Online paid surveys.



Not too bad for the past 12 days this month?

Edit 9pm  Add another 40 cents to above.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2021, 09:04:54 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29196 on: April 12, 2021, 06:46:09 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29197 on: April 12, 2021, 06:48:54 PM »
On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message “one slice?” How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29198 on: April 12, 2021, 08:46:33 PM »
A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson.
It's obvious to her that the grandfather has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle, etc.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long - easy, boy." Another outburst and she hears Gramps calmly say, "Its okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps again, in a controlled voice, is saying “Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, Albert."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.
"You know, sir, it's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. Albert is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

“Thanks, lady," said Gramps, "But, I'm Albert - the little ***tard’s name is Graham, and I'm going to beat the crap out of him when I get him home!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #29199 on: April 12, 2021, 08:49:38 PM »
An extremely elderly couple visits a divorce attorney
"So you want to get divorced? Exactly how long have you been married?" the lawyer asks.

The husband looks out the window and mumbles "72 years".

The lawyer raises his eyebrows and asks "So, uh, why is it that you want to do this?"

The man replies "Because we *hate* each other. We've always hated each other" The woman nods in agreement.

The lawyer is a little perplexed. He asks "Then why have you waited until now to get a divorce?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "We read where divorce can be very hard on the children, so we waited until they all died."
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