Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3062145 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17850 on: April 17, 2020, 06:23:07 PM »
Scientology is officially recognised as a religion in the UK, rather than just a cult.
A cult being a group who believe in bizarre theories and superstitions, practice daft rituals and accept ridiculous restrictions on their behaviour.

Whereas a religion…….??  ... Hey, wait a minute ...
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Offline Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17851 on: April 17, 2020, 07:15:16 PM »
My wife is furious that our busty neighbour has started nude sunbathing in her garden.

Personally, I'm on the fence.
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Offline Nigel

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17852 on: April 17, 2020, 07:37:05 PM »
My wife is furious that our busty neighbour has started nude sunbathing in her garden.

Personally, I'm on the fence.


As long as she doesn't take "Off Fence" all should be good.................. :grin
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17853 on: April 17, 2020, 09:32:11 PM »
There are three truths in religion:

1) Jewish people do not recognise Jesus as the Messiah.


2) Protestants do not recognise the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.


3) Baptists don't recognise each other in the liquor store.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17854 on: April 17, 2020, 10:04:49 PM »
I bought my anti-vaccine friend a lifetime supply of crayons for her son.

Cost me $3
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17855 on: April 17, 2020, 10:14:58 PM »
I entered a contest for a years supply of noodles, and won!

I asked if I could just have the $4 instead.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17856 on: April 18, 2020, 09:44:04 AM »
If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

Air Conditioning technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen are defaulted

Florists are deflowered

Students are detested

Hostels are debunked

Spies are debugged and detailed

Corporations are deformed and delimited

Celibate people are delayed

Chauffeurs are derided

Record keepers are described

Plumbers are dethroned

Clerks are defiled

Traffic cops are defined

Naturists are denuded

Election officials are devoted

Accountants are decertified

Builders are deconstructed

Confused people are demystified

Intelligence officials are declassified

Interpreters for the deaf are designed

Road builders are degraded

Waiters are deserved

Horses put out to stud are desired

Castles are demoted

Organ donors are delivered

Anything certain is depending

And if you found this funny, you're probably as demented, defective, and in denial as I am.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17857 on: April 18, 2020, 12:23:54 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17858 on: April 18, 2020, 12:28:22 PM »
Sign of the current hard times...

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17859 on: April 18, 2020, 12:31:46 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17860 on: April 18, 2020, 12:34:59 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17861 on: April 18, 2020, 12:38:00 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17862 on: April 18, 2020, 12:49:11 PM »
Studies have shown that books can decrease short term memory;


Especially at high velocities.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17863 on: April 18, 2020, 12:51:53 PM »
There are many long-term side effects of vaccines!

- Old age
- Grey hair
- General decrease of diseases
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17864 on: April 18, 2020, 12:54:51 PM »
Kim Jong Un won the last election with about 77 percent of the vote.

Over the next few weeks North Korea had a 23 percent population decrease.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17865 on: April 18, 2020, 02:30:20 PM »
My neighbours listen to a lot of rock and roll music.



... whether they like it, or not.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17866 on: April 19, 2020, 05:11:48 AM »
Smile... things could be worse.

Trump smiled, and sure enough, things got worse.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17867 on: April 19, 2020, 05:21:28 AM »
Karen told me she lost some weight.

I smiled and said...
“Go look in the mirror, it's back again!“
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17868 on: April 19, 2020, 08:42:42 AM »
I once asked my grandfather how he'd lived so long.
He smiled and said; "I sprinkle a little gunpowder on my cereal every morning."

I always thought that was a little weird, but he did live a long life and left a great legacy; a thriving career, loving wife,
seven children, sixteen grandchildren, two great-grandchildren, and a massive hole in the crematorium wall.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17869 on: April 19, 2020, 08:51:37 AM »
An Irish divorce.

The mother-in-law arrived home from the shops to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage, and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.

“What happened?? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an e-mail to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Shaun O'Sullivan in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

“Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
“Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation ... she never got your e-mail!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17870 on: April 19, 2020, 09:02:36 AM »
A newly wed couple were talking about their new home

Husband said "How about some flowers to brighten it up?"

The wife slyly mentioned "Or Kids, to help add some life to the place?"

The Husband smiled, and replied "Good idea!"

The next day, the husband brought home orchids.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17871 on: April 19, 2020, 09:16:19 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17872 on: April 19, 2020, 09:23:42 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #17873 on: April 19, 2020, 09:26:07 AM »
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Offline NTRebel

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