Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924534 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15450 on: December 08, 2019, 06:44:28 AM »
While riding to and from yesterdays RTE, I noticed many wind turbines.

I thought, maybe if they could make them spin faster, the breeze created may offset the effects of global warming ???
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15451 on: December 08, 2019, 07:00:07 AM »
While riding to and from yesterdays RTE, I noticed many wind turbines.

I thought, maybe if they could make them spin faster, the breeze created may offset the effects of global warming ???
Nah, would just make the world spin faster and time go quicker.  :crackup
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15452 on: December 08, 2019, 07:22:45 AM »
It would defeat the purpose of them being there Kev.  One thing you can say about wind farms is they have a lot of fans.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15453 on: December 08, 2019, 08:16:38 AM »
Karma?
I forgot to mention ... while riding home yesterday, 3 Harleys overtook me near Maryborough, where I refuelled.
I waved to each as they passed.
The first two ignored me, but the third guy, distinctive clothing including hi vis jacket, flipped the bird.

Just before Avoca a short time later I saw all three parked at the side of the road accompanied by a Hwy Patrol vehicle.

I took intense pleasure at eyeballing the previously mentioned rider, and returned his happy gesture.

 Merry Christmas!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15454 on: December 08, 2019, 08:26:58 AM »
A man and his son recently moved to Texas.
One Saturday afternoon they decided to take a walk through the park. During the walk the boy sees 2 cowboys walk by.
“Dad, look at those bow-legged bastards!”

The father is surprised by this and tells his son that that is not very nice language to use.

A few minutes later, 2 more cowboys walk by and again the boy yells, “Dad, look at those bow legged bastards!”

The father, quite upset now turns to his son and says, “I told you not to say that and I do not want to hear it again, or else…”

Just a few minutes go by and another pair of cowboys walk by and once again the child yells, “Dad, look at those bow-legged bastards!”

“That’s it!” the father yells, and takes the child home and locks him in his room with the complete works of Shakespeare.
Two weeks later, he lets his son out and notices that he has taken to speaking like Shakespeare wrote.
This impressed the father so he decided to again take his son out for another walk through the park.

As they were walking a pair of cowboys walk past them.
The boy turns to his father and says: “Lo, what manner of man they appear, whose balls hang in parentheses.”
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15455 on: December 08, 2019, 08:43:25 AM »
Karma?
I forgot to mention ... while riding home yesterday, 3 Harleys overtook me near Maryborough, where I refuelled.
I waved to each as they passed.
The first two ignored me, but the third guy, distinctive clothing including hi vis jacket, flipped the bird.

Just before Avoca a short time later I saw all three parked at the side of the road accompanied by a Hwy Patrol vehicle.

I took intense pleasure at eyeballing the previously mentioned rider, and returned his happy gesture.

 Merry Christmas!

Waved to a bunch of them that passed me at Watinayah last month.  Got two waves back.  One of the group ended up in a ditch at Tarrenleah a few minutes later.  No such gestures on either side though.
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15456 on: December 08, 2019, 11:30:35 AM »
The Vic Premier got a message on his mobile.



Confused by the content he asked the nearest person, Michael O'Brien of the Liberal Party, "Any idea what this phone number is?"

The reply was "It's not a phone number, it's a text message, and you are reading it upside down!"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15457 on: December 08, 2019, 11:35:47 AM »
If he then rotated the phone the message would also roate and he'd be still looking it upside down.  The bellend who posted it also needs to learn how to spell.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15458 on: December 08, 2019, 11:44:02 AM »
I am from the old school Bodø, my phone is clever, not smart. No rotation.

And seeing as the Premier is so far behind the times, he probably uses an old phone as well.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2019, 01:12:07 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15459 on: December 08, 2019, 01:05:11 PM »
After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people who openly mocked a mentally challenged kid.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15460 on: December 08, 2019, 01:09:04 PM »
I rang work and I said "I can't come in today, I have a little cough"

My Scottish boss said "You have a wee cough?"

I said "Wow, thanks boss, I'll see you next week!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15461 on: December 08, 2019, 06:20:13 PM »
Boss: "Hey, why are you late for work for the third time this week!?"

Slack worker: "Um....'cause it's Wednesday?"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15462 on: December 08, 2019, 07:25:56 PM »
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home.

She smiled at me, and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked away with her cardboard box and sleeping bag.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15463 on: December 08, 2019, 09:59:17 PM »
The number one item shipped by Amazon appears to be cardboard boxes.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15464 on: December 08, 2019, 10:08:15 PM »
If you’re skydiving, and your parachute fails to open...

there's no need to panic.

You have rest of your life to fix it.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15465 on: December 08, 2019, 10:45:39 PM »
A sheep wearing a wooly two piece swim suit just drove past in a sports car.

It was a LAMBbikini.

... closely followed by a Dodge RAMbler and a Toyota LAMBcruiser.

They created havoc when they did a EWEturn at the lights.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15466 on: December 08, 2019, 10:59:28 PM »
An elderly British pilot flies a private plane to Berlin. He lands, but gets lost on the taxiway.
So he panics, stops the engine, and a massive jam builds up.

The traffic controller asks him angrily over the radio, "Did you ever fly to Berlin before?"

The pilot answered, "I did a few times in 1944, but it was dark and anyway, we didn't land".
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15467 on: December 08, 2019, 11:08:04 PM »
His wife was furious when she caught him watching porn. She said it degrades women.

Jokes on her.

The porn he was watching didn't have any women in it.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15468 on: December 09, 2019, 03:52:48 AM »
That is degrading to women.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15469 on: December 09, 2019, 04:00:56 AM »
 :crackup
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15470 on: December 09, 2019, 11:15:09 AM »
Friend just dropped by with her 8 year old son. He asked me if I had the movie 'Black Men',(????) which he would like as a Chrissy present.

Took a few confused minutes to discover that he meant 'Men in Black'  :rofl
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15471 on: December 09, 2019, 11:25:19 AM »
Patient: I’m addicted to watching the film Grease.

Psychiatrist: Tell me more, tell me more.

Patient: I make my girlfriend watch it with me every day.

Psychiatrist: Does she put up a fight?

Patient: Sometimes, yeah.

Psychiatrist: Well, that’s women for you... summer lovin’, some aren’t.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15472 on: December 09, 2019, 11:26:22 AM »
And that's where it ends?
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15473 on: December 09, 2019, 11:27:32 AM »
Smart-ass kid wants to challenge a famous gunfighter.
He walks into the saloon, and says "My name's Jimmy Johnson, and I'm here to challenge Black Bart to a showdown at noon tomorrow!"

The bartender says "Well, if you're going to try to outdraw Black Bart, you 'd better be prepared."

The kid says "I've got my gun, I've been practicing for a year, I'm all set."

The bartender says "No, you're not. You don't even have your gun greased up!"

The kid says "What do you mean?"

Bartender: "Before you go to call Black Bart out, get a good layer of axle grease all over your gun."

Kid: "Why, will that make me draw any faster?"

Bartender: "Nope, but it will make it hurt a lot less when Bart shoves it up your butt."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15474 on: December 09, 2019, 12:01:01 PM »
The Devil sees that Hitler has arrived and starts to get excited

Devil: "Wow Hitler I am literally your biggest fan! Watch this, watch this."
The Devil snaps his fingers and a giant frying pan appears. He snaps his fingers again and 50 Jews fall from the sky and burn up in the pan.

Hitler: "Wow that's amazing!"

Devil: "Watch again, watch again!"
He snaps his fingers again and 50 more Jews fall from the sky and burn up in the pan.

Hitler not being able to hold it in any longer, snaps his fingers excitedly but only a single Mexican falls from the sky and burns up in the pan.

Hitler: "What the hell man, I wanted to burn Jews not a Mexican??"

Devil: "Oh, I forgot to tell you, for every 100 Jews you have to grease the pan"
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