Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2927203 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33325 on: June 23, 2021, 11:24:25 PM »
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes.

Or needs to.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33326 on: June 23, 2021, 11:51:33 PM »
Sign In Chinese Pet Store:

"Buy one dog, get one flea..."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33327 on: June 23, 2021, 11:52:31 PM »
I married my wife for her looks

... but not the ones she's been giving me lately.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33328 on: June 24, 2021, 01:33:27 AM »
"Honey," a wife said to her husband, "Our neighbour's wife has exactly the same coat as mine."
"Do you want me to buy you another one?" asked the husband.
"I assure you that it will be less expensive than moving to a new apartment," the wife replied.

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33329 on: June 24, 2021, 01:41:44 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33330 on: June 24, 2021, 01:42:23 AM »
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33331 on: June 24, 2021, 01:43:16 AM »
... time to feed the cats again, they're a little early this morning.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33332 on: June 24, 2021, 01:43:46 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33333 on: June 24, 2021, 01:45:35 AM »
The next time you feel like complaining, remember:

Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33334 on: June 24, 2021, 01:47:06 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33335 on: June 24, 2021, 01:48:08 AM »
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words:

"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33336 on: June 24, 2021, 01:49:54 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33337 on: June 24, 2021, 01:53:03 AM »
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33338 on: June 24, 2021, 01:53:48 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33339 on: June 24, 2021, 01:55:58 AM »
After queueing up for almost half an hour in the pharmacy last week, I finally got to the counter.

The woman looked at me and said, “I’m really sorry about your wait.”

I said, “You’re not so skinny yourself, actually.”

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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33340 on: June 24, 2021, 03:22:25 AM »
If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it will always be yours.

If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.

But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize you set it free...

You either married it or gave birth to it.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33341 on: June 24, 2021, 03:34:29 AM »
When the beautiful secretary entered her boss's office one morning, he looked out the window and announced idly, "It's certainly going to be a beautiful day."
"I don't think so," replied the secretary. "The weather forecast is for snow."
"It's not going to snow," contradicted the exec. "I'll lay you twelve to one."
"I'd rather not," she remarked. "Any other time sir, but that's my lunch hour."


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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33342 on: June 24, 2021, 03:43:10 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33343 on: June 24, 2021, 06:47:03 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33344 on: June 24, 2021, 06:49:42 AM »
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope,
"Now you have everything."
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33345 on: June 24, 2021, 06:50:13 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33346 on: June 24, 2021, 06:58:16 AM »
Female Comebacks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do Not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a GreatDane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked,I'd die happy.
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
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  • Posts: 94875
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33347 on: June 24, 2021, 06:58:58 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33348 on: June 24, 2021, 09:30:00 AM »
A heart specialist doctor died and they're having his funeral.
The coffin was placed in front of a huge heart.
When the priest finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside, then the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynaecologist"
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Online Kev Murphy

  • "Top Dog" 10000 club
  • *****
  • Posts: 94875
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  • 98 ST1100 Portland, SW Vic coastal.
Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #33349 on: June 24, 2021, 09:30:26 AM »
click on image to enlarge for easier reading of text

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