Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3064565 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10275 on:** January 02, 2019, 12:41:07 PM »

Annoying telemarketer phoned me five times in an hour this morning. I hung up each time, then blocked the number.

Tested the number on www.reverseaustralia.com It's a legitimate telemarketing call centre, based in Sydney. (telemarketingpower.com)
They listed their email addy on the site.

Having found that, and by using a VPN to hide my location and by creating a temporary disposable email addy, I then signed their email addy up to around 40 different ad sites for them to receive promos and advertising about everything from porn sites to bottled water, solar panels to gardening tools, and to real estate listings from Kansas City to Cincinnati.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10276 on:** January 03, 2019, 03:36:05 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10277 on:** January 03, 2019, 11:31:14 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10278 on:** January 03, 2019, 11:52:16 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10279 on:** January 04, 2019, 02:59:36 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10280 on:** January 04, 2019, 09:32:57 AM »

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond.

He used the word "manyana" (pronounced "man -yana"). Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means: "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; Maybe the next day; Maybe the day after that; Or perhaps next week; Next month; Next year. Who really cares?"

The host turned to Albert Yatapingu from the Gumbaingeri Tribe (aboriginal) who was also on the show. She asked him if there was an equivalent term in his native language.

"Nah" he replied. "In Australia we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10281 on:** January 05, 2019, 12:36:42 AM »

If you were trapped in a room with a hungry lion, a bad tempered crocodile, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with two bullets, what should you do?

Shoot the lawyer.

~ Twice.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10282 on:** January 05, 2019, 12:45:04 AM »

Two dear old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a streaker ran past.

One had a stroke, but the other couldn't reach.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10283 on:** January 05, 2019, 10:10:45 AM »

I was in the supermarket, and I was waiting in line with two shopping carts full of groceries.

This guy got in line behind me, and all he had was a jar of spaghetti sauce and some pasta.
He kept checking his watch and looking at my two full carts, trying to hint for me to let him go ahead of me.

I just ignored him awhile, then I turned around and said, 'Hey man, if that's all you have is those two items,
then you should just go ahead and do some more shopping because I'm going to be awhile.'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10284 on:** January 05, 2019, 10:13:16 AM »

I just had a skylight installed in my flat

-- the people in the flat above me aren't too happy about it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10285 on:** January 05, 2019, 10:17:56 AM »

Grandpa looked at the sox and slippers we bought him as Xmas gifts and said "Why cant you buy me something useful?"

Next year we will get him a casket.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10286 on:** January 05, 2019, 10:31:25 AM »

My wife left me because I’m too insecure.

No wait, she’s back. She only went to make a cup of tea

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10287 on:** January 05, 2019, 10:32:24 AM »

A thawb or thobe is an ankle-length Arab garment, usually with long sleeves, similar to a robe.

Arabs wear this because the goats can hear a zipper from miles away...

Wild Rose · « **Reply #10288 on:** January 05, 2019, 01:06:30 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on January 05, 2019, 10:13:16 AM

I just had a skylight installed in my flat

-- the people in the flat above me aren't too happy about it.

Gadget · « **Reply #10289 on:** January 05, 2019, 01:42:36 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on January 04, 2019, 09:32:57 AM

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on UK television with British TV host Anne Diamond.

He used the word "manyana" (pronounced "man -yana"). Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means: "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow; Maybe the next day; Maybe the day after that; Or perhaps next week; Next month; Next year. Who really cares?"

The host turned to Albert Yatapingu from the Gumbaingeri Tribe (aboriginal) who was also on the show. She asked him if there was an equivalent term in his native language.

"Nah" he replied. "In Australia we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency."

The Spanish word is Mañana meaning tomorrow or in the future, or in Australia a non-core promise.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10290 on:** January 05, 2019, 01:44:37 PM »

I set my Wifi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone asks me, I tell them it’s 12345678

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10291 on:** January 05, 2019, 01:45:38 PM »

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, but they don’t know either.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10292 on:** January 05, 2019, 01:48:04 PM »

WAYS TO LET SOMEONE KNOW THEIR FLY IS OPEN

20. The cucumber has left the salad.

19. I can see the gun of Navarone.

18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

17. You've got Windows on your laptop.

16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.

15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!

5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

1. I always thought you were crazy, now I can clearly see your nuts.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10293 on:** January 05, 2019, 01:49:13 PM »

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…

…then my illegal logging business is a success.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10294 on:** January 05, 2019, 01:50:37 PM »

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.

We went out and had some drinks.
Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10295 on:** January 05, 2019, 04:06:59 PM »

Do you know anyone who would like to take over my flat?

Seems that I am about to be arresting forthwith for drive my vehicle at too many speed unless I am payable to $200 dollar fine with iTune card..

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10296 on:** January 05, 2019, 04:11:41 PM »

A blonde finds a lamp with a genie inside.
He says, "For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you a wish."

The blonde says, "I want my love handles to disappear."

The genie replies, "Your wish is my command."

The blonde exclaims, "Holy s**t! What did you do to my ears?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10297 on:** January 05, 2019, 04:15:42 PM »

I met my wife at a singles' bar.

I thought she was at home with our kids.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10298 on:** January 05, 2019, 06:25:18 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #10299 on:** January 05, 2019, 06:36:01 PM »

Two bikers chatting, one asked the other "What will you be doing next Saturday?"

The other replied "Probably about a hundred and thirty."

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3064565 times)