Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3068544 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13625 on: August 31, 2019, 05:18:25 PM »
Now?  :p
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13626 on: August 31, 2019, 05:21:14 PM »
How soon is it?
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13627 on: August 31, 2019, 05:30:51 PM »
A Golden Retriever, a German Shepherd, and a Cat are sitting before God in the judgement hall.

God looks at the Golden Retriever and asks "Retriever, what did you believe in?"

The Retriever replied "I believed in being faithful and loyal to my master until the day I died."

God answered "Very well. You may come sit to my left side. Shepherd, what did you believe in?"

The Shepherd said "I believed in serving my country to the best of my ability, until I was shot in action."

God said "Very well. You may come sit to my left side. Cat, what did you believe?"

The cat, without even blinking replied "I believe you are in my seat ... Move! "
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13628 on: August 31, 2019, 06:26:42 PM »
A man and woman in bed
"Give me some", man begs.

"No. You've had enough," wife responds.

"Come on, let me have some more," man begs again.

"I'm tired of this. Help yourself. Go ahead, but you know how it affects you", the wife says.

Happily the man goes to the kitchen, opens the refrigerator, and grabs a bottle of champagne.
He fiddles with the cork and it pops out with a bang.

From little Johnnys room, an accusing voice comes:

"Mom, you shoulda given him some!
See, now he went and shot himself!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13629 on: August 31, 2019, 07:50:00 PM »
An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.

An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

“No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!”

“How’d that happen?”

“The cork fell out!” said the Irishman.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13630 on: August 31, 2019, 07:54:41 PM »
Who puts cork in Guinness?
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13631 on: August 31, 2019, 07:55:30 PM »
The Kings English


I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough?

Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead -- For goodness’ sake, don’t call it deed!

Watch out for meat and great and threat… They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.

A moth is not the moth in mother, Nor both in bother, nor broth in brother.

And here is not a match for there, Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,

And then there’s dose and rose and lose -- Just look them up -- and goose and choose.

And cork and work and card and ward, And font and front and word and sword.

And do and go, then thwart and cart, Come, come, I’ve hardly made a start!

A dreadful language? Why, sakes alive! I’d learned to speak it when I was five.

And yet, to write it, the more I tried, I still hadn’t learned it at fifty-five
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13632 on: August 31, 2019, 08:18:58 PM »
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13633 on: August 31, 2019, 08:20:18 PM »
Oh, and up isn't necessarily the opposite of down.

Suppose I took you into a forest and pointed to a tree and asked you to chop it down.  Once you'd done that I then asked you to chop it up.  You wouldn't be doing the opposite of what you just did.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13634 on: August 31, 2019, 08:25:18 PM »
True.
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Online Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13635 on: August 31, 2019, 08:59:56 PM »
Who puts cork in Guinness?

Obviously was Jamieson's.  ;-*
Shillas :13Candy

CB 125 - long gone
RD 200 - long gone
CB 250T - long gone
XJ 650 - reasonably long gone
XV 750 - reasonably long gone
VN 800 - gone
ST 1100 - recently gone
ST 1300 - In the garage
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13636 on: August 31, 2019, 09:08:39 PM »
Now, speaking of Guinness?

The Queens visit...

https://youtu.be/vNupjIC8es8
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13637 on: August 31, 2019, 09:51:40 PM »
Mathematical expression for the volume of a thick pizza, with height "a" and radius "z".....


*pi * z * z * a*
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13638 on: August 31, 2019, 11:10:59 PM »
Who puts cork in Guinness?

Corkonians?
Jdbiker.
2008 red ST1300A
1980 Yamaha XS 1100
1974. Yamaha TX 500 sold
1984   Kawasaki GT 750
1975  Honda GL1000 selling

Honda XL 250 sold
Suzuki TS 100
2000 Honda ST1100P
1988 Enfield Bullet 350
 1941 Royal Enfield WD/C 350 engine
2021 Royal Enfield Bullet 500
2024 Honda Transalp coming
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13639 on: August 31, 2019, 11:16:38 PM »
 :eek :grin
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13640 on: September 01, 2019, 04:26:27 AM »
Co-pilot: "Why did you become a pilot?"
Pilot: "To over come my greatest fear"
Co-pilot: "Heights?"
Pilot: "No, ... dying alone!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13641 on: September 01, 2019, 04:31:19 AM »
I'm not afraid of heights.

I'm not even afraid of falling from heights.

I'm afraid hitting the ground after falling from heights.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13642 on: September 01, 2019, 04:35:39 AM »
I don't want my wife any longer

..... but her height is perfect for someone who is only half her width.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13643 on: September 01, 2019, 05:26:48 AM »
At last... Winter is over. Would someone please notify the weatherman?

...  with some luck it might warm up a bit here within the next 5 or 6 months?

I think my buddy is a bit too optimistic tho... he bought some new sunnies yesterday.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13644 on: September 01, 2019, 05:37:24 AM »
I'm not afraid of heights.
I'm not even afraid of falling from heights.
I'm afraid hitting the ground after falling from heights.

I always cringe when I hear people say you could hear a pin drop.  You can't hear a pin drop.  You can only hear it land.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13645 on: September 01, 2019, 05:52:55 AM »
One of my ex's said to me: "It's either me or the bike, make up your mind!"

... so I bought her a suitcase, as a going-away gift.

Kept the same bike for the next ten or eleven years, which was 3 x longer than she was around for.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13646 on: September 01, 2019, 06:08:28 AM »
Had to buy another hard drive for my computer yesterday, as it was getting a bit crowded and I was running out of storage space.

I now have 22 Terabytes of permanently connected storage, with another 8 Terabytes available if needed.
After shuffling around multiple movie files and TV series, (some 18,000 or so), they are now in alphabetical order, with some free space for more on each drive.
Oh yeah... there's a few 64 gig thumb drives plugged in as well... I have 9 of those..



« Last Edit: September 01, 2019, 06:13:56 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13647 on: September 01, 2019, 06:55:39 AM »
Thanks for the memories.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13648 on: September 01, 2019, 09:50:02 AM »
Guy goes to a doctor.

Guy  : Doctor, I see weird dreams.... Rats play football in my dreams.

Doctor : I see... I'll write you some tablets. Start taking them from tonight.

Guy  : Can I please start taking them from tomorrow?

Doctor : Why from tomorrow? Why not before going to bed tonight?

Guy  :  Tonight is the grand final!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13649 on: September 01, 2019, 10:36:15 AM »
My cows used to read all the mail cattlelogues, but now they have subscribed to the local Moospaper as well.
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