Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2926755 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13675 on: September 02, 2019, 10:31:24 AM »
French police car siren ....




... Oui u oui u oui u !
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13676 on: September 02, 2019, 10:41:58 AM »
A police officer walks into an interrogation room.
"It's over, buddy," he says smugly, throwing down a stack of papers. "We've got you on a double homicide."

"Double?! W-w-what are you talking about?" the perp across from him stutters.

"Don't even try to act innocent. We believe that you gunned down two women!...  Cher, and Johnny Depp's new girlfriend are both dead because of you!"

"Wait a minute Mr Policeman, look and see ..." the perp stammers. "I shot Cher (F), .. but I didn't shoot the Depp beauty!!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13677 on: September 02, 2019, 10:49:40 AM »
I saw a stolen BMW today. I decided to call the police.
“Yes officer, I’ve just seen a stolen vehicle out here on the highway, westbound”

“With all due respect, sir, there are hundreds, thousands of vehicles out there, it is incredibly difficult to spot a stolen vehicle if you don’t have the training for it. Did you see a smashed window or something?”

“Well no, you see, I was just driving along, and I got cutoff by this BMW...”

“Okay yeah, so you are definitely wasting my time here. There is absolutely nothing even remotely suspicious about this, at all.
I drive a marked squad car, that’s with the lights and everything, they just don’t care. I get cutoff by a'hole beamer drivers every single day.
I can’t even be bothered to pull them over, I would never get anything else done.”

“Yeah, I know, I wasn’t all that surprised at first either.
I mean, I saw the BMW cruising up pretty fast in my side mirror so I was expecting it, and then the driver flipped on the indicator, and...”

“On my way!”
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13678 on: September 02, 2019, 11:01:21 AM »
There's a report on the news that Hong Kong Police like to go clubbing at the end of their shift....

Seal hunters go clubbing before the end of their shift.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13679 on: September 02, 2019, 11:52:58 AM »
Just for the hell of it...

https://youtu.be/57rEuKu3NSs
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13680 on: September 02, 2019, 01:40:35 PM »
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbour to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description.

She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 2, has blue eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbour protested, "Your husband is 54 years old, 5 foot 3, has dark eyes, is bald and obese, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children!"

The wife replied, "Yeah, but who wants HIM back!”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13681 on: September 02, 2019, 01:49:19 PM »
Big difference between a magic wand and a police taser.


One is used for cunning stunts...
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13682 on: September 02, 2019, 05:00:24 PM »
America: Hey England, Happy Fourh of July!
England: Where’s the T?

America: Threw it in the harbor.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13683 on: September 02, 2019, 08:21:53 PM »
Information for Americans.

In Australia, we have a 4th of July too!

And we even get it before you do!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13684 on: September 02, 2019, 08:28:15 PM »
Something really important must've happened on July 24th, 365 AD.


Most of the servos around here have signage that says "24/7/365".
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13685 on: September 02, 2019, 10:31:55 PM »
Quote
"24/7/365"

If you read that in Merican, its the 7th day of the 24th month 365.

They cant even get dates right.. o:) o:) o:)
Brock
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13686 on: September 02, 2019, 10:40:10 PM »
Yeah, Brock...  its not only their President that gets things bass-ackward.  :grin
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13687 on: September 02, 2019, 10:43:45 PM »
As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her,
“So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”

She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.”

“Not even for coffee??”
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13688 on: September 02, 2019, 10:49:54 PM »
Twin brothers lost contact with each other at a Western Australian airport.



They were separated at Perth.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13689 on: September 02, 2019, 10:56:51 PM »
A man is in a taxi to the airport.
"Please hurry, I need to get to there as soon as I can." he said to the driver.

"Easy, sir. Why the hurry?" replied the driver.

"I'm gonna be late for my flight, now drive faster please!" the man said.

"What flight are you on then?" the driver asked.

"Flight 696, now please shut up and drive" the angry man said.

"Then worry not, sir. I was at the airport 30 mins ago, and heard that flight 696 will be delayed until further notice" said the driver.

"Yes, that's because I'm the bloody pilot!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13690 on: September 02, 2019, 11:05:34 PM »
If you were 4 years old when “Red Red Wine” was released,
UB40 now
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13691 on: September 02, 2019, 11:56:36 PM »
I bought some cheap boxed wine the other day.

Cardbordeaux.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13692 on: September 03, 2019, 12:00:41 AM »
One day, a long long time ago, there lived a woman who did not whinge, whine, nag, or bitch...

But that was a long long time ago,

... and It was just for one day.

... and it was only one woman.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13693 on: September 03, 2019, 04:02:50 AM »
When there is some wine leftover from communion, it doesn't get wasted...


The vicar does.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13694 on: September 03, 2019, 04:10:34 AM »
My doctor told me to drink a glass of red wine after a hot bath.

I dunno how the hell he expects me to drink that much soapy water?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13695 on: September 03, 2019, 04:23:27 AM »
I don't understand my wife, once a month she loses her temper at me.


I think it's just a bloody ovaryaction.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13696 on: September 03, 2019, 04:40:29 AM »
There is a good reason that Donald Trump thinks he is the Second Coming.


Every time he repeats himself, he hears someone say ... "Jesus Christ! ... again?"
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13697 on: September 03, 2019, 05:07:42 AM »
Talk about overkill on donald trump jokes.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13698 on: September 03, 2019, 07:48:47 AM »
Well, he IS a joke.
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Online Brock

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #13699 on: September 03, 2019, 10:06:46 AM »
Be careful in the bush folks, its that time of the year again.


« Last Edit: September 03, 2019, 10:12:09 AM by Brock »
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