Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2924734 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10325 on: January 08, 2019, 12:22:54 PM »
Just had an Insurance cold caller, claiming that he was following up on an inquiry that I made on some website?

I called him out, as I have NEVER made any such inquiry as I am not interested in any form of insurance.
He could not tell me my name, and my phone is unlisted and on the 'Do Not Call' register.

Damn, he got rude very fast so I blocked his number.

... AND I have lodged an official complaint.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10326 on: January 08, 2019, 02:59:31 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10327 on: January 08, 2019, 05:36:16 PM »
A couple went to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and wee watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull mated 57 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs and comments, "See! That was more than once a week!"
The second bull is to be sold, "Another fine specimen, this wonder mated 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's more than twice a week. What do you say to that?"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.
The third bull is up for sale, "And this extraordinary specimen mated 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about you?"
The husband was pretty irritated by now and yells back, "Sure, once a day! Great! But, They weren't all with the same cow!"

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10328 on: January 08, 2019, 06:33:02 PM »
My Aboriginal buddy ... technically, he's not a lawyer, but he's got three court cases next week.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10329 on: January 08, 2019, 08:05:59 PM »
Blast from the past

My Father worked as a railway guard for BHP at Whyalla for many years.
He was responsible for loading iron ore onto the train for transport to the shipping facilities at Whyalla
He travelled to and from Whyalla to Iron Knob and Iron Baron daily, and saw the transition from steam locos to diesel locos.
The guards van carried local mail, fresh bread, payroll and other stuff daily to these two towns.

When I was around 8 years old, I went to work with him one day during the school holidays.
The Guard van at the back of the train had seating for about 10 passengers in the rear compartment.
On this particular day, there was an American tourist, loaded with cameras. Dad invited him into our compartment, so he could point out items of interest.

At the Iron Baron flats, 15Km west of Whyalla were many roos, reds in those days.
On this particular day, a big red was propped back on his tail, quite close to the tracks, waiting for the train to pass.
Dad called the guy to the window and pointed to the roo as we approached. He spun the guy a yarn about roos being trained to pick up the mail, and stuff it into their pouch, and take it to a local sheep property.

Out came the cameras, and the guy started snapping away ... Dad pushed past, leaned out the window and screamed "NO MAIL TODAY!"
at which the startled roo turned and hopped away.

Somewhere in America is a series of photos, and a video of the 'kangaroo who met the train to pick up the mail.'

« Last Edit: January 08, 2019, 08:24:16 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Offline Shillas

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10330 on: January 08, 2019, 09:09:39 PM »
 :rofl

:Like:
Shillas :13Candy

CB 125 - long gone
RD 200 - long gone
CB 250T - long gone
XJ 650 - reasonably long gone
XV 750 - reasonably long gone
VN 800 - gone
ST 1100 - recently gone
ST 1300 - In the garage
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10331 on: January 09, 2019, 01:41:26 AM »
One time I was so depressed, that I was going to jump out a window from the tenth floor.

They sent a priest up to talk to me.

He said, "On your mark..."

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10332 on: January 09, 2019, 02:01:24 AM »
You know that you are in a low class restaurant when your steak has whipmarks from where the jockey was hitting it.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10333 on: January 09, 2019, 02:15:32 AM »
If Cinderella's shoe fit so perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10334 on: January 09, 2019, 02:46:31 PM »
Hmmm? This must be a thread of interest ... 10,000 views in the past 6 and a half weeks?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10335 on: January 09, 2019, 03:46:33 PM »

Has Pauline lost the plot?

News flash today.

Pauline Hanson wants Qld people working for the dole to catch cane toads live, so they can be 'put down' by the councils humanely, by freezing.
At 10 cents per toad... they would need to catch 100 of them to earn $10!

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10336 on: January 09, 2019, 05:03:44 PM »
A hundred wouldn't be hard in some places. Might interrupt their drinking time.  :p
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10337 on: January 09, 2019, 05:50:20 PM »
Only problem is, one wet night and the toads leave another ten thousand eggs ...
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10338 on: January 09, 2019, 06:16:51 PM »
Did you know that if you carry a hand full of gum leaves, a lion will not attack you?


It depends of course, on how fast you carry them.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10339 on: January 09, 2019, 07:54:50 PM »
Theres no truth in the rumour that Donald Trump gets up at the quack of dawn, his first tweet of the day is after 8am.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10340 on: January 09, 2019, 08:23:38 PM »
These two buddies are sitting at the bar in a singles' club and talking about another guy sitting at the other end of the bar.

"I don't get it," complained the first guy, "He's not good looking, he has absolutely no taste in clothes, and he drives a beat up wreck of a car, yet he always manages to go home with the most beautiful women here!"

"Yeah," replies his buddy, "He's not even a very good conversationally, all he does is sit there and lick his eyebrows."
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10341 on: January 09, 2019, 10:38:23 PM »
Dolly Parton passed out on stage.

It took four guys to carry her off -- two abreast

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10342 on: January 10, 2019, 01:01:37 PM »
I chased a woman for two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine:

We both loved women.

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10343 on: January 10, 2019, 01:30:23 PM »
This would be great, if it was an advert for a bar ...

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10344 on: January 10, 2019, 03:49:23 PM »
Trump only watched the Olympics to note how high the Mexicans could vault.

The rest of the world is watching Trump to see how low he can go.

Currently he can look sideways to see a snakes belly.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10345 on: January 10, 2019, 04:13:50 PM »
I'm not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately.

Somebody please ring the nearest golf course?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10346 on: January 10, 2019, 04:27:57 PM »
John and Nancy decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their six-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plans into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed. "Looks like the Smiths have company," he called out,
"Matt is riding a new bike, and the Sanders are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
His son replied: "Their kid is standing out on the balcony, too!"

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10347 on: January 10, 2019, 04:33:57 PM »
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10348 on: January 11, 2019, 02:21:42 AM »
Bangladesh. Has an area of about two and a half times the size of Tasmania.
 
Russia is 250 times larger, but there are more people in Bangladesh than in the whole of Soviet Russia.
 
170 million vs 150 million. Obviously, they cannot afford TV in Bangladesh.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #10349 on: January 11, 2019, 05:21:24 AM »
The worst time to have a heart attack, is during a game of charades.

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