Author Topic: The Duck  (Read 1670 times)

Offline Poppy Dave

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The Duck
« on: September 04, 2012, 10:47:15 PM »
 
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
 
The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
   
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
   
"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.
   
"I see your ears are working, too," Says the duck.

"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
   
"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
   
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
   
The same thing happens for two weeks...

Then one day the circus comes to town.
   
 The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
   
"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
   
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
   
"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.
   
"The circus?" Repeats the duck.
   
"That's right," replies the barman.
   
"The circus?" the duck asks again, “with the big tent?"
   
"Yeah," the barman replies.
   
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.
   
Of course," the barman replies.
   
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
   
"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says .. .
 
"What the hell would they want with a plasterer??!"

Dave R
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We know why dogs stick their heads out of car windows.
 

Offline Whizz

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Re: The Duck
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2012, 07:59:29 AM »
 :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup
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Paul
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Offline Biggles

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Re: The Duck
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2012, 09:51:25 AM »
I'm calling BS!  Ducks can't plaster.
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Online STeveo

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Re: The Duck
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2012, 04:36:37 PM »
Oh yes they can. Hit one with the windscreen of my Falcon and it plastered it a horrible greeny brown colour in no time, pity it left some feathers in it.

 :bl11
 

Offline Biggles

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Re: The Duck
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2012, 10:20:38 PM »
Oh yes they can. Hit one with the windscreen of my Falcon and it plastered it a horrible greeny brown colour in no time, pity it left some feathers in it.

 :bl11

Bet it didn't have the guts to do it again!     ::)
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Online STeveo

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Re: The Duck
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2012, 07:47:17 AM »
Biggles, it wasn't guts it left on the windscreen. After the impact, I foolishly tried to wash the shite off using the screen washers and wipers. Can you imagine the mess that made!!  >:()  I had to stop and scoop water out of a puddle on the side of the road to thin it down enough for the wipers to have any effect on clearing the screen. I wasn't far from the next town and pulled up at the first servo to use their hose. The duck must have been grazing on lucern or similar as it ponged pretty well.  :cuss  Lucky that I didn't take the bike that day. :whistle

 :bl11