Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2922078 times)

Offline ppopeye

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #725 on: May 19, 2016, 06:04:46 PM »


Sent from my iPad

Begin forwarded message:

 
THE TAX SYSTEM EXPLAINED IN BEER

Suppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this..

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
And the tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every week and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until, one day, the owner caused them a little problem. "Since you are all such good customers" he said "I'm going to reduce the cost of your weekly beer by $20". Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free but what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realised that $20 divided by six is $3.33 but if they subtracted that from everybody's share then not only would the first four men still be drinking for free but the fifth and sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fairer to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage. They decided to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (a 100% saving).
The sixth man now paid $2 instead of $3 (a 33% saving).
The seventh man now paid $5 instead of $7 (a 28% saving).
The eighth man now paid $9 instead of $12 (a 25% saving).
The ninth man now paid $14 instead of $18 (a 22% saving).
And the tenth man now paid $49 instead of $59 (a 16% saving).
Each of the last six was better off than before with the first four continuing to drink for free.

But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got $1 out of the $20 saving" declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10"

"Yes, that's right" exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved $1 too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I only got $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute" yelled the first four men in unison "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next week the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important - they didn't have enough money between all of them to pay for even half of the bill.

 

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just might not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

 
 


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Offline ppopeye

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #726 on: May 19, 2016, 06:06:28 PM »
Aircraft Fuel

Dave  and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked  as aircraft  mechanics  in Melbourne,Australia.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in  the hangar  with nothing to do.

Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had  something to drink!' 

Jim  says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel  and get a  buzz.

You  wanna try it?' 

So  they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane  booze  and  get completely smashed. 

The  next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good  he feels.

In  fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side  effects.

Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim.  Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this  morning?'

Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Jim  says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a  hangover?' 

Dave  says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover,  nothing.  We  ought to do this more often..'

' Yeah, well there's just one  thing.' 

'What's  that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well,  DON'T - cause I'm in New  Zealand'




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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #727 on: May 19, 2016, 06:13:12 PM »
 :rofl : :rofl :rofl :crackup :crackup :dred11
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #728 on: May 19, 2016, 06:35:10 PM »
 :rofl ...thanks, ppopeye
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #729 on: May 20, 2016, 04:25:28 AM »
Last month, some know-it-all Doc told me to limit my coffee intake to one cup per day.
 :OldMan


By my calculations, todays date should be August 24, 2019
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Offline Jdbiker

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #730 on: May 20, 2016, 07:16:02 PM »


Sent from my iPad

Begin forwarded message:

 
THE TAX SYSTEM EXPLAINED IN BEER

Suppose that once a week, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this..

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
And the tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every week and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until, one day, the owner caused them a little problem. "Since you are all such good customers" he said "I'm going to reduce the cost of your weekly beer by $20". Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free but what about the other six men? The paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realised that $20 divided by six is $3.33 but if they subtracted that from everybody's share then not only would the first four men still be drinking for free but the fifth and sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fairer to reduce each man's bill by a higher percentage. They decided to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so, the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (a 100% saving).
The sixth man now paid $2 instead of $3 (a 33% saving).
The seventh man now paid $5 instead of $7 (a 28% saving).
The eighth man now paid $9 instead of $12 (a 25% saving).
The ninth man now paid $14 instead of $18 (a 22% saving).
And the tenth man now paid $49 instead of $59 (a 16% saving).
Each of the last six was better off than before with the first four continuing to drink for free.

But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got $1 out of the $20 saving" declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man "but he got $10"

"Yes, that's right" exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved $1 too. It's unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!"

"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I only got $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!"

"Wait a minute" yelled the first four men in unison "we didn't get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next week the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important - they didn't have enough money between all of them to pay for even half of the bill.

 

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works. The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy and they just might not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

 
 


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Offline Jdbiker

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #731 on: May 20, 2016, 07:16:52 PM »
Spot on :lik
Jdbiker.
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1980 Yamaha XS 1100
1974. Yamaha TX 500 sold
1984   Kawasaki GT 750
1975  Honda GL1000 selling

Honda XL 250 sold
Suzuki TS 100
2000 Honda ST1100P
1988 Enfield Bullet 350
 1941 Royal Enfield WD/C 350 engine
2021 Royal Enfield Bullet 500
2024 Honda Transalp coming
 

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #732 on: May 21, 2016, 03:21:24 AM »
Incredible.... These scams used to waffle on about '4 thousand' dollars just 15 years ago ...

According to todays scam mail, the United Nations is holding '87 and a half million' dollars that belongs to me....?

That's inflation for you

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #733 on: May 21, 2016, 03:22:31 AM »
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Offline Draco (Heartbreak Kid)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #734 on: May 21, 2016, 07:56:34 AM »



 :blu13 The thing would be going off non stop, they would have to have extra heavy duty batteries lmao  :rofl :rofl :well :blu13left
CHEERS
DRACO :)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #735 on: May 21, 2016, 08:01:25 AM »
... and I know exactly where to fit the batteries... :grin
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Offline Draco (Heartbreak Kid)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #736 on: May 21, 2016, 08:02:09 AM »
We think alike lol

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DRACO :)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #737 on: May 21, 2016, 08:47:37 AM »
I vote Porky Pig for prime minister and Elmer Fudd for deputy. :dred11 :dred11
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Offline Gadget

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #738 on: May 21, 2016, 10:12:42 AM »
Turdballs would flatten the battery in one doorstop.

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« Last Edit: May 21, 2016, 12:46:11 PM by Gadget »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #739 on: May 21, 2016, 11:11:15 AM »
 :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #740 on: May 21, 2016, 05:31:36 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #741 on: May 22, 2016, 08:40:00 AM »
Finally!  ... An explanation of sagging pants that makes sense!

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #742 on: May 22, 2016, 08:49:54 AM »
👍👍

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DRACO :)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #743 on: May 22, 2016, 11:04:27 AM »
 :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl :crackup :rofl
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #744 on: May 22, 2016, 06:58:13 PM »
As kids, and then teens, my buddy Sam and I grew up together, went to school together, went fishing together...

Then along came married life, and things got complicated.
My wife whinged and moaned every weekend that I went to the boatyard to go fishing with Sam.
 
I had my leisure time scrapped, as the wife always found more and more stuff for me to do at home on weekends.
 
Well, it had been over three years since Sam and I had been out fishing, until the wife was away visiting family this week, so the
opportunity arose for us to go fishing again.
 
Just one phonecall, we met up at the boat ramp, and out we went.
Had a great day, here's a pic of Sam with a couple of nice fish that we caught.
 
I bet the missus is going to be really pissed that I haven’t cut the grass this week.


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #745 on: May 23, 2016, 06:19:42 PM »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #746 on: May 23, 2016, 07:00:27 PM »
 :rofl :crackup :rofl
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #747 on: May 23, 2016, 11:12:50 PM »
Whats green, and races around the garden at 80 MPH?


Could be either an Austin Healy Sprout, a Lettuce Elan, or an E-Type Gherkin.....



<<<<<<    Too late!... I went thataway!
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Offline Flip

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #748 on: May 24, 2016, 01:52:55 AM »



 :blu13 The thing would be going off non stop, they would have to have extra heavy duty batteries lmao  :rofl :rofl :well :blu13left




DAMN IT !!!   :OldMan

Little Billy Shorta**e came over to WA today.
Batteries are no use at all in his case so some clown plugged his shock collar into the state's AC power grid !  :fp
Blacked out every suburb south of the river !   >:()


Flip  :nahnah


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #749 on: May 24, 2016, 03:09:16 AM »
 :crackup
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