Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3015706 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #875 on:** June 13, 2016, 04:02:51 AM »

Them poor 'Merrycans do not understand our love of Vegemite... they are confused, and think it tastes disgusting...

Yet, they are the ones that are confused, I mean... which mental giant came up with the idea of adding ice cream to steak????

Wild Rose · « **Reply #876 on:** June 13, 2016, 05:38:11 AM »

Quote from: STeveo on June 12, 2016, 05:07:02 PM

Seems I may be a Lesbian too.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #877 on:** June 13, 2016, 11:10:45 AM »

I HAD planned on going for a ride today, but the Doc who I visited this morning has other ideas... I am waiting for a phone call from him to go to his surgery this afternoon, he wants to lance and drain an infected cyst that I have on the back of my head. Cant even put my helmet on today.

Biggles · « **Reply #878 on:** June 13, 2016, 01:04:17 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on June 13, 2016, 11:10:45 AM

I HAD planned on going for a ride today, but the Doc who I visited this morning has other ideas... I am waiting for a phone call from him to go to his surgery this afternoon, he wants to lance and drain an infected cyst that I have on the back of my head. Cant even put my helmet on today.

Get a second opinion. It might be your brain trying to escape.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #879 on:** June 13, 2016, 01:29:57 PM »

Should I get out while I am still a head?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #880 on:** June 13, 2016, 03:23:43 PM »

OK, home again. Doc removed a growth just a bit smaller than a pea and sent it off for analysis.
He is a bit disturbed that it appeared, and grew to this size within 3, 4 days.
I now have 5 stitches in the back of my skull.
Just one word from you, Bill, about pea-brains, and I swear...

Cant wear helmet for a week until stitches are removed.

NTRebel · « **Reply #881 on:** June 13, 2016, 04:22:39 PM »

At least it proves you're not a bird brain Kev.

Paul

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #882 on:** June 13, 2016, 04:57:56 PM »

Ya dag!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #883 on:** June 14, 2016, 01:20:42 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #884 on:** June 14, 2016, 02:16:21 PM »

You know how some people explain the weather, EG "It's been ~~Pis~~ ... errr ... urinating precipitation!"

Here's the visual proof of their description of the rain conditions
...


http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/rain_zpskakfbzy9.mp4

NTRebel · « **Reply #885 on:** June 14, 2016, 02:42:24 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #886 on:** June 14, 2016, 03:27:09 PM »

Thanks, Paul

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #887 on:** June 14, 2016, 11:23:19 PM »

The mighty Thor was having primal urges, and as all the female Gods had
turned him down, he decided to put his feet on Eath and choose
a mortal to satisfy his lust.
However, he had made one small oversight, and lobbed on Earth in
a rather desolate area.

“The first good looking woman!” he muttered to himself.
.. Which changed as he strode on... “Dammit!... ANY woman!”

Well, would you believe.. He stumbled upon Ita Buttrose, who was
standing beside her broken down car, awaiting roadside assistance.

Thor rushed up, knocked her down, and satisfied his urges.

Ita looked up at him, and asked “Who are you?”

Thor stood proud, waved his hammer and declared “I am THOR! ... I am THOR!”

Ita looked at him and replied “YOU’RE THOR??? ... DAMMIT!... I’M tho thor,
that I can’t even PITH!!!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #888 on:** June 15, 2016, 12:08:56 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #889 on:** June 15, 2016, 12:14:49 AM »

Many Doctors make this request of their patients....?

(Pith in a bottle!) ... dunno what the thoap ith for?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #890 on:** June 15, 2016, 12:24:18 AM »

Stanley stated..."Doctor Livingstone, I presume?"

Seems that Stanley wore a pith helmet when he met Livingstone in Africa in 1871.

That helmet is on display in the London Museum.

Africa wishes to have that helmet transported to Zambia, but the London Museum has firmly stated...

"Nobody... NOBODY! ... has the right to take the Pith out of London!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #891 on:** June 15, 2016, 12:36:45 AM »

Obviously a member of ...

STeveo · « **Reply #892 on:** June 15, 2016, 07:45:02 AM »

Thank you for the morning chuckle Kev. Please keep them coming.

NTRebel · « **Reply #893 on:** June 15, 2016, 08:28:36 AM »

Agree with Steveo Kev always look forward to a good laugh when I first get up of amorning and just before I go to bed at night.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #894 on:** June 15, 2016, 06:07:47 PM »

I am Jewish; my girlfriend's not.

She DID buy me eight presents for Hanukkah, though.
I asked, 'Why did you buy me eight presents for Hanukkah?'
She replied, 'Eight presents, for the eight nights of Hanukkah.'

I said, 'You idiot!, there's 32 nights of Hanukkah -- and I like electronics!
Now, get down to the mall. Religious minimum is $50 per gift!'

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #895 on:** June 15, 2016, 06:10:13 PM »

My wife said she wanted me to tease her.

I said, 'Alright, fatty.......'

...and that's how the argument began...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #896 on:** June 15, 2016, 06:11:28 PM »

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #897 on:** June 15, 2016, 06:14:29 PM »

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $7 bill instead of a $10 bill.
He decided to try it out anyway, so he went to the bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $7 bill and gave the crook a $4 bill and a $3 coin as change.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #898 on:** June 15, 2016, 06:16:53 PM »

A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital.
The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #899 on:** June 15, 2016, 06:19:39 PM »

We've been trying to solve this drunk driving problem for years, and there's an obvious solution: legalize marijuana.

I just think it's safer than alcohol.

I'd rather be stoned driving a car than drunk 'cause when you're stoned, you think every car's a cop.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3015706 times)