Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 3021557 times)

Offline WendyL

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1025 on: July 07, 2016, 12:35:08 PM »
Money doesn’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a nice ST.  :thumb

...It's absolutely impossible to be sad, when you’re cruising along the highway on an ST?

Very possible to be sad when you have a beautiful ST and can't ride her for months on end due to injury  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
:KissBlow
Wendy
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1026 on: July 07, 2016, 06:02:16 PM »
I won't say that it rains in Portland every day, but on average, it rains here 180 days per year.
In the summer, we expect rainfall about once every 3 days, in the winter, it piddles down at the rate of about 3 days out of 4.
It's not massive amounts, only about 32 inches per year (830 mm) but it's that annoying, cold drizzly stuff that runs down your neck, or off the tank to where your wet weather gear has that leaky seam. Highway spray from vehicles going the other way is another annoyance.

In Portland, we have a standing joke about the weather..
If you can stand in the park opposite the Hospital, and see the wind towers across the bay at Codrington...... It's gonna rain.

Can't see the wind towers??  ...... it's already raining.

 Towers have been invisible today between 2 /3 pm, and 7 / 8.30 pm, with around 5 mm of rain today.

7 day forecast

Chance of Rain    90%    80%       90%        90%      90%          90%          80%
Rain Amount   5-10mm   1-5mm   1-5mm   5-10mm   10-20mm   1-5mm   1-5mm

Summary   
   Fri   Jul 8 Thunder-storms
   Sat  Jul 9 Mostly sunny
   Sun Jul 10 Windy with rain   
   Mon Jul 11 Windy with showers   
   Tue  Jul 12 Showers   
   Wed Jul 13 Possible shower
   Thu  Jul 14 Possible shower
« Last Edit: July 08, 2016, 01:19:06 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1027 on: July 08, 2016, 01:27:27 AM »
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

‘Where the hell have you been all night?’ she demands.

‘At this fantastic new bar,’ he says.

‘The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works – hell, even the urinal’s gold!’

The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon.
She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.

‘Is this the Golden Saloon?’ she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

‘Yes it is,’ bartender answers.

‘Do you have huge golden doors?’

‘Sure do.’ ‘Do you have golden floors?’

‘Most certainly do.’

‘What about golden urinals?’

There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,

‘Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!’
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1028 on: July 08, 2016, 01:29:36 AM »
A NIGHT IN THE BAR:
Bartender:
Who Are You? I’ve never seen you before…

Man: Yeah! I just lost my job and came here for a drink

Bartender: What kind of Job?

Man: Well. I am a Consultant.

Bartender: Whats that?

Man: Its a logical thinker.

Bartender: Logical Think, what?

Man: Let me explain it with an Example.
Do you have a dog?

Bartender: Yes!

Man: That means you love animals
Bartender: True!

Man: That mean you love your kids too.
Bartender: Yes True!

Man: You have Kids, that means you are Married.
Bartender: Very True!

Man: You love your Kids. You are still married, means you have a beautiful Wife.

Bartender: Amazing man! How do you know all these?

Man: That’s logical thinking now you are married to a lady, so you are not Gay!
Bartender: Impressive!

Man: Time to leave. Bye!

(About 20 mins., later the Bartender’s Boss Comes)

Bartender: Boss, you know I met a Consultant today.

Boss: Consultant!!...Whats that??

Bartender: A logical thinker.
Boss: Logical what??

Bartender: I’ll explain it with an Example
Boss: Okay!

Bartender: Do you have a DOG?
Boss: No!

Bartender: That means you are Gay!
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1029 on: July 08, 2016, 01:33:19 AM »
A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink.
Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol.
She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city’s problems.

Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, “Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two.
That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service
 clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!”

The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who
 consume it are doomed…”

“Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?”

“Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.”

“Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate ??”

“Well, I really don’t know …”

“I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that “evil” is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.”

“Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than
the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.”

“Well let’s go inside and settle this”

“No my son, I could never enter such a place… but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this “scotch” you mentioned.
Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.”

“You’re on!” said the guy.

The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup.

He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please”

The bartender sighed and said …..
…………. “IS THAT BLOODY NUN OUTSIDE AGAIN !?!”
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1030 on: July 08, 2016, 01:38:15 AM »
Two old high school classmates

He was a widower and she a widow.

They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.

This 60th anniversary of their class, they had a wonderful evening, their spirits high.
The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, “Yes,….. yes I will!”

The evening ended on a happy note for the widower.
But the next morning he was troubled.
Did she say “Yes” or did she say “No?” He couldn’t remember.
Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question but for the life of him he could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn’t remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the past evening.

As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No?’

“Why you silly man, I said ‘Yes. Yes I will.’ And I meant it with all my heart.”

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. “And I am so glad you called, because I couldn’t remember who asked me!”
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1031 on: July 08, 2016, 02:09:58 AM »
U2 LIVE!

http://i1029.photobucket.com/albums/y352/kjm47/kjm47/U2%20Live_zpsbneqzlgf.mp4
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1032 on: July 08, 2016, 10:49:33 PM »
There was a woman who wanted larger breasts, and a Physio Doctor instructed her on how to perform a daily exercise that would help her achieve this.
He said "Here's a simple little rhyme to recite, that will assist you in achieving results... as you massage, just say 'Ooby dooby doobies... I want bigger boobies.'
If you repeat this 3 times, that should be sufficient massage for each day"

The woman followed his advice every morning for a couple of weeks, but was running late one day, and found herself in an almost empty carriage on the train.
She decided to unobtrusively perform her self massage. She mumbled quietly to herself as she massaged ..."Ooby dooby doobies... I want bigger boobies..
Ooby dooby doobies... I want bigger boobies...Ooby dooby doobies... I want ..." she was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder from the man in the seat behind her..
"Excuse me, love, but I just overheard what you were saying... Are you a patient of Dr Ashgrove?"
"Why, yes!”, she replied, “but how would you know that?"
The guy grinned, leaned forward, and quietly whispered ... "Hickory dickory dock.... "
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1033 on: July 08, 2016, 11:10:59 PM »
An aircraft with 4 skydivers aboard was flying over Nepal, when the pilot pointed to a mountain, and said..
"Just for your information, on the very top of that peak, is the highest 'Happy House' (nudge nudge, wink wink) in the world!"

At that, the four scrambled out the door and popped their parachutes.

One parachute failed, and the jumper was killed, one landed within the walled compound,
one landed on the side of the mountain half a mile away, and the other landed several miles away on another mountain.

From this information, can you tell what nationality each skydiver was?




The one who landed in the compound, Himalayan.
The one who died, him a Finnish!
The one who landed on the side of the mountain, him a Russian.
And the other guy was a stupid Irishman who was looking out the wrong window, and at the wrong mountain!
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1034 on: July 09, 2016, 03:51:12 PM »
'nuff said...

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Offline Biggles

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1035 on: July 09, 2016, 10:57:06 PM »
The Barman said "Sorry, we don't serve Time Travelers"







... A Time Traveler entered a bar...



 (Think about it..)

Now that's clever!
For the modern man who lives in the city, riding a bike might be one of the only ways to escape the humdrum monotony. To take off and ride. To be both at one with nature and one with the bike. To feel masculine. Adam Piggott

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1036 on: July 10, 2016, 03:37:10 AM »
Single ticket wins $US540m  ($A721 million) US lottery
A single ticket has won the Mega Millions lottery jackpot in the US worth $US540 million, the seventh largest in US lottery history.

https://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/32022018/single-ticket-wins-us540m-us-lottery/#page1

No surprise that (according to an email received at 3.20 am from Singapore?) the winner is yours truly.

.... even tho the Mega Millions Lottery is only played in 44 US states, Washington DC and the US Virgin Islands.

What would YOU do with US$2million each month, for the next 30 years?

« Last Edit: July 10, 2016, 03:51:28 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1037 on: July 10, 2016, 05:59:39 AM »
I suppose I could buy the flashiest multi-farkled ST, and then pay someone else to ride it around the world while I sit at home playing with my cats? Dammit! I could even hire Clive Palmer, just to answer my phone!  :rofl
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Offline Shiney

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1038 on: July 10, 2016, 12:18:52 PM »

What would YOU do with US$2million each month, for the next 30 years?


Buy some camping grounds in each state of Oz (free camping for members of OzSTOC and as funds keep coming in free cabins) then staff each one with a mechanic to provide free ST servicing and repairs :thumb
My Ride: 2023 ST1800   :thumb
OzSTOC #104   STOC# 8512   IBA # 59142
Find me in The Who's Who of OzSTOC!

I like shiney things :grin
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Offline Draco (Heartbreak Kid)

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1039 on: July 10, 2016, 01:19:39 PM »
Go and live in the Philippines again :) ;)

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

CHEERS
DRACO :)

Honda MT250 Elsinore, Honda 750 four F1
Kawasaki Z650, Kawasaki Z1R Mk ll (mint green)
FJ1200 Yamaha 1995, Kawasaki Z1100
Kawasaki Z1000, FJ1200 Yamaha 1995
FJ1200 Yamaha 1992, FJR1300 Yamaha 2004
ST1300 Honda 2004, FJ1200 Yamaha 1990


My next ride:2015 ST1300P
White Phoenix
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1040 on: July 10, 2016, 06:27:42 PM »
A blonde and a brunette were in an elevator. When it stopped at the next floor, a bloke entered the elevator and pressed the button for the next floor. Both women noticed his bad dandruff. The elevator continued to the next floor where it stopped. The chap stepped out, the door closed, and the elevator continued. The brunette commented to the blonde "Someone should give that guy some 'head and shoulders!' "



The blonde asked ... "How do you give 'shoulders'?? "

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1041 on: July 11, 2016, 12:36:19 AM »
A shoemaker put a sign in his window.

Shoe repairs!
Prices depend on your attitude.

L soles no charge
R soles double price
« Last Edit: July 11, 2016, 02:13:25 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1042 on: July 11, 2016, 01:15:40 AM »
A car full of illegals was attempting to cross the border from Mexico into the US
Apparently the un-synchronized engine noises made by the vehicle aroused the Border guards suspicion...


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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1043 on: July 11, 2016, 02:51:15 AM »
Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen.
She says, “Put that away, Little Johnny. You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.”
Little Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play with.”
Trying to placate him, she says, “OK. I’ll play with you. What do you want to play?”
“I wanna play ‘Mummy and Daddy,'” Little Johnny whines in reply.

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, “Fine, I’ll play. What do I do?”
Little Johnny says, “You go up to the bedroom and lie down as if you’re taking a nap.”

Figuring that she can easily control the situation, Mum goes upstairs.
Little Johnny, acting a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet.
He puts on his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs, he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table.
He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises her head and asks, “What do I do now?”
In a gruff manner, Little Johnny says,:

“Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!”
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1044 on: July 11, 2016, 04:12:50 AM »
KFC have released a 'Party Bucket' to commemorate the recent election.

It's full of left wings and bums....
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1045 on: July 11, 2016, 04:18:35 AM »
Just heard on the News... India has developed a mobile phone pre loaded with apps which will retail for just FIVE DOLLARS!!
 
They are looking at the mobile market in India, where there are 750 million people who don’t have a mobile phone.
 
Total population in India amounted to approximately 1.26 billion people in 2013.
India currently has the second-largest population in the world, and is projected to overtake top-ranking China within forty years.
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1046 on: July 11, 2016, 05:24:37 AM »
Urgent message on my tablet at 5.15 this morning...

Someone has accessed my NAB bank account, and I have to contact them immediately via the supplied link!

    oh,  Really?


 What NAB bank account? (Maybe that's where all my lotteries winnings have been deposited?)

(I haven't even used the phone in this tablet, or diverged the allocated phone number to anyone.)
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1047 on: July 11, 2016, 08:22:51 AM »
I get  a few of those for NAB too. Paypal is another common one (your account has been frozen and you must contact us immediatley.....NO THANKS).  Wot thuh
 
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1048 on: July 11, 2016, 01:42:05 PM »
The PayPal ones have been around awhile, and continue. I also have received many, but like that NAB one, I don't even HAVE an account there.
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #1049 on: July 11, 2016, 02:38:35 PM »
More rain today, (as for the whole of last week or so..) but some sunshine predicted for next weekend.
I may be able to venture further than the mailbox  :grin
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