Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3057513 times)

Biggles · « **Reply #9800 on:** November 16, 2018, 07:58:47 PM »

Quote from: Bodø on November 16, 2018, 06:49:18 PM

That said, there is stuff I wish I could erase.

Don't we all!?

Flip · « **Reply #9801 on:** November 16, 2018, 08:18:41 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on November 15, 2018, 09:49:27 AM

I will be offline overnight, as NBN will be upating/servicing cabling in this area between 11pm and 6am.

Have to move into my daughter's new house - - - her NBN has been working perfectly for the past two weeks - - - so she claims

MEANTIME - our Korean built and installed super-dopper high speed internet, 200 plus channel cable TV, land line telephone, and security intercom has been working perfectly since January 5th 2012 - - - all at about Aust $20 - $25 per month.

Haven't asked my daughter how much her NBN is going to cost her, or what 'extra' services she gets - - - but she did seem a little bit upset when I told her what we get and how much it costs per month.

Did I say or do something wrong that might have upset her a bit ????

Flip - still riding / paddling through the flooded streets of Sai Gon.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9802 on:** November 17, 2018, 01:02:20 AM »

Hospitals are suing the makers of the Snuggie for breach of copyright, because the Snuggie is just a hospital gown made from a blanket.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9803 on:** November 17, 2018, 08:15:03 AM »

The easiest fun way to add insult to injury, is when you're signing your name on someones cast.

Gadget · « **Reply #9804 on:** November 17, 2018, 08:52:57 AM »

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9805 on:** November 18, 2018, 01:26:31 AM »

I like to do fun things at the beach.
I get there really early before anyone else shows up, and toss about thirty bottles with notes in them into the water.

Then I wait for others to come to the beach, and when someone goes to pick up one of the bottles, I sneak up behind them,
because when they open it there's a note saying "I'm standing right behind you."

Freaks them out.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9806 on:** November 18, 2018, 01:30:06 AM »

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper.

The paper I used said "Happy Birthday" on it.

I didn't want to waste the paper, so I just added the word 'Jesus' on it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9807 on:** November 18, 2018, 01:35:16 AM »

I was standing at a bus stop.

Some guy waved to me from the other side of the road.

He crossed at the corner and approached me and said, "I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else?"

I replied "I am."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9808 on:** November 18, 2018, 09:54:33 AM »

My friend has a stupid dog.

When he barks, there is a long pause after "Bow" while he tries to remember "Wow"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9809 on:** November 18, 2018, 01:53:05 PM »

I invited an apple to lunch today because I couldn't find a date.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9810 on:** November 18, 2018, 03:01:33 PM »

He's a special kind of stupid...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9811 on:** November 18, 2018, 03:51:30 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9812 on:** November 19, 2018, 11:31:29 AM »

I quit my job at the helium gas factory, because I didn't like being spoken to in that voice.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9813 on:** November 19, 2018, 11:34:33 AM »

I have a friend who has a wierd hobby.

He collects empty bottles, which sounds so much better than calling him an alcoholic.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9814 on:** November 19, 2018, 11:43:01 AM »

Two sharks were in a tank.

One said to the other : "Where the hell did you learn to drive this thing?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9815 on:** November 19, 2018, 11:58:11 AM »

Maccas are very lucky that people are not allergic to sesame seeds.

That would really screw up their business if it was so. Service would be so slow...

"Two big Macs, double cheese, and hold the sesame seeds!"

(Pick, pick, pick, pick...)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9816 on:** November 19, 2018, 03:00:39 PM »

Political frenzy in Victoria... a few days away from state elections, and I have received 4 automated political calls today, despite having a silent number!

To say that I am p*ssed off is an understatement!

Flip · « **Reply #9817 on:** November 19, 2018, 03:27:45 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on November 19, 2018, 03:00:39 PM

Political frenzy in Victoria... a few days away from state elections, and I have received 4 automated political calls today, despite having a silent number!

To say that I am p*ssed off is an understatement!

What's an 'election' ?????

We gave up that sort of thing here.

We all get a couple of different colored sheets of paper - with our choices already marked out for us.

Saves a lot of time, confusion and unnecessary thinking for ourselves !!!

Besides, if it turns out to be the wrong choice and the elected politician turns out to be a crook - - - we just take him outside and shoot him !!!

Flip -- now seriously thinking of buying a car - - - or a jet ski !!!!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9818 on:** November 19, 2018, 04:02:18 PM »

Actually, the 'L' should be replaced with an 'R' in Vic politics, because no matter who wins, we are gonna be screwed, anyway.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9819 on:** November 19, 2018, 07:25:11 PM »

I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said,"Forget everything you know about pillows."

So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Really!

Then the commercial tried to sell me pillows, and I didn't know what the hell they were?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9820 on:** November 19, 2018, 10:31:14 PM »

At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician's wife noticed another guest, a big, oversexed blonde, was making overtures at her husband.
But it was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.

At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed,
"Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he's not supposed to INSTALL them!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9821 on:** November 19, 2018, 10:52:03 PM »

I went to an antique auction the other day, but had to leave because people started bidding on me.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9822 on:** November 19, 2018, 11:06:35 PM »

My buddy referred to these Victorian political 'Wannabees' as weasels.

I corrected him, "They are Poll-cats!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9823 on:** November 20, 2018, 08:35:01 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #9824 on:** November 20, 2018, 01:56:34 PM »

Crazy weather here... yesterday it reached 34 degrees, and today it was 9 overnight and is now 13 degrees and been pouring rain since 11am.

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3057513 times)