Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3066535 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12400 on:** May 26, 2019, 12:05:16 PM »

Six words that all University Graduates are taught, to help them face the outside world.

"Would you like fries with that?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12401 on:** May 26, 2019, 05:19:48 PM »

My neighbour did his washing this afternoon, and hung it to dry.
... and down came the rain.

I cannot differentiate between his vocalizing, and the crow calls outside.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12402 on:** May 26, 2019, 10:59:32 PM »

If you use pickles for a tennis match, would you have a volley of the Dills?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12403 on:** May 27, 2019, 01:49:14 AM »

Trump

(Totally Responsible for UnderMining the Presidency)

(Twitters Rubbish Until Media Protests)

(Twat Running Under Media Pressure)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12404 on:** May 27, 2019, 11:25:50 AM »

"Hello! How are you?"

"Hi!"

"I asked how you are, not what you have been smoking?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12405 on:** May 27, 2019, 03:03:47 PM »

Animal testing is a terrible idea;

... they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12406 on:** May 27, 2019, 03:34:50 PM »

Some people in the city complain that their nearest Starbucks is 'almost an hour away'.

Think about us, you selfish mongrels. Our nearest Starbucks is over 350 Km away!

Shillas · « **Reply #12407 on:** May 27, 2019, 04:17:02 PM »

Thankfully, my nearest Starbucks is 635 km away.

Guess I'll just have to miss out on poor coffee and stick to the good coffee near me.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12408 on:** May 27, 2019, 04:26:24 PM »

I agree Michael, who needs a huge fuel bill just to pay for overpriced, over-rated coffee?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12409 on:** May 27, 2019, 05:27:06 PM »

Diet Soda

A healthy drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a kilo pack of chocolate coated peanuts.

NTRebel · « **Reply #12410 on:** May 27, 2019, 06:00:35 PM »

No you buy that to chase down the half dozen big macs you had for lunch.

Quote from: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2019, 05:27:06 PM

Diet Soda

A healthy drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a kilo pack of chocolate coated peanuts.

Bodø · « **Reply #12411 on:** May 27, 2019, 06:07:47 PM »

Quote from: Shillas on May 27, 2019, 04:17:02 PM

Thankfully, my nearest Starbucks is 635 km away.

Guess I'll just have to miss out on poor coffee and stick to the good coffee near me.

Amen.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12412 on:** May 27, 2019, 07:06:13 PM »

As I sit here all rugged up, and with both heaters on while listening to the hail bouncing off the windows, I can't help but think:

I haven't heard a single word for the past couple of weeks from the "global warming" pundits?
Have they chilled out?

winston66 · « **Reply #12413 on:** May 27, 2019, 07:36:59 PM »

29 Deg.C here today Kev
Cheers Winston 66,
Northampton WA.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12414 on:** May 27, 2019, 07:45:32 PM »

Portland. Wind chill is knocking 6° off thermometer reading.
Temperature 9.3°C at 7.30pm
Feels Like 3.0°C

At least it hasn't rained here now for nearly 8 minutes

NTRebel · « **Reply #12415 on:** May 27, 2019, 08:39:35 PM »

Good to see you having such lovely weather Kev.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12416 on:** May 27, 2019, 09:21:45 PM »

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger".

You might think that's pretty cool, but she doesn't like it.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12417 on:** May 27, 2019, 09:43:30 PM »

It's been almost two weeks now, and not a single news report, TV ad, email, phonecall, or junk mail from Clive Palmer?

I think that he is trying to ignore me.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12418 on:** May 27, 2019, 10:26:02 PM »

Dammit, my overworked mind has been busy again ....

https://youtu.be/9cCGrYCAPts

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12419 on:** May 28, 2019, 12:55:17 AM »

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and five children.
Three of the children are tall, good looking and athletic; but, the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine.
I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if ..."
The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father."

The man then died, happy.
The wife mutters under her breath: "Good thing he didn't ask about the other four!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12420 on:** May 28, 2019, 05:21:55 AM »

Some guy in Melbourne bought a home with 5 bathrooms.

With 5 bathrooms, there's never a need to ask, "Where do you want to go today?"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12421 on:** May 28, 2019, 12:20:45 PM »

Internet Explorer and Drug use have dramatically increased in the last few years.

Both marijuana and Internet Explorer are advertised on TV.

You get both for free at first but once you get hooked, they raise the price.

Microsoft and the drug dealer know that you'll come back for more.

Both crash your system sometimes, and will screw up your life eventually.

Both drug dealers and Microsoft want you to redistribute their products to others.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12422 on:** May 28, 2019, 12:28:07 PM »

What's the difference between Clive Palmer and a block of wood?

Bugger all, really... Except that you can build something useful with the block of wood.

NTRebel · « **Reply #12423 on:** May 28, 2019, 12:34:13 PM »

you left out a word Kev it should read you can build something useful out of a block of wood.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12424 on:** May 28, 2019, 12:40:37 PM »

Fixed, Paul

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3066535 times)

Bodø