Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3064906 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12425 on:** May 28, 2019, 12:49:51 PM »

Living without a partner has many benefits.

Like conversations.

Do you know how many conversations I have that begin with "Meow?"

Gadget · « **Reply #12426 on:** May 28, 2019, 07:16:52 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2019, 03:34:50 PM

Some people in the city complain that their nearest Starbucks is 'almost an hour away'.

Think about us, you selfish mongrels. Our nearest Starbucks is over 350 Km away!

I don't care where the nearest Starbucks is, I don't like their coffee or prices.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Gadget · « **Reply #12427 on:** May 28, 2019, 07:19:47 PM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2019, 07:06:13 PM

As I sit here all rugged up, and with both heaters on while listening to the hail bouncing off the windows, I can't help but think:

I haven't heard a single word for the past couple of weeks from the "global warming" pundits?
Have they chilled out?

Maximum of 23 °C here today, and I had to mow the lawn. It's supposed to be our dry season. We're supposed to be having frosts by now, which kills the grass.

The last frost I remember was over 15 years ago.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12428 on:** May 28, 2019, 07:27:57 PM »

Currently 10 here, we had a top of twelve. Wind chill brought that back to 6, with wind gusts of up to 81 KPH.
AND it rained all day.
WITH hail.

I asked the cat if she wanted to go outside, and she looked quizzically at me, then retreated back to her bed.

I wont be posting tomorrow, as my buddy and I are off to Melbourne for the day, leaving early morning.

Brock · « **Reply #12429 on:** May 28, 2019, 07:31:21 PM »

Dont seem to have a Starbucks in WA, I think they opened a store, but it failed quickly.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12430 on:** May 28, 2019, 07:33:22 PM »

At their prices, it's no wonder!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12431 on:** May 28, 2019, 11:48:01 PM »

Definitely chilly here tonight.

Portland 11.45 Pm

Temperature 10.2°C falling
Feels Like 0.3°C

Yep, that's point 3 degrees! Wind chill sucks!

NTRebel · « **Reply #12432 on:** May 29, 2019, 08:15:14 AM »

Don't worry Kev 7.40 am here and 5.7 feels like 2.4

DavidP · « **Reply #12433 on:** May 29, 2019, 08:36:34 PM »

Quote from: Gadget on May 28, 2019, 07:19:47 PM

Quote from: Kev Murphy on May 27, 2019, 07:06:13 PM
As I sit here all rugged up, and with both heaters on while listening to the hail bouncing off the windows, I can't help but think:

I haven't heard a single word for the past couple of weeks from the "global warming" pundits?
Have they chilled out?
Maximum of 23 °C here today, and I had to mow the lawn. It's supposed to be our dry season. We're supposed to be having frosts by now, which kills the grass.

The last frost I remember was over 15 years ago.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

3c here this morning, so not far off frost weather. Get a few every winter, and one winter down to -3c on the way to work.... and yes that is on the bike :-)

Sent from my SM-T710 using Tapatalk

Gadget · « **Reply #12434 on:** May 29, 2019, 10:26:50 PM »

6.3 °C at home at 6:30 this morning.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12435 on:** May 29, 2019, 11:33:34 PM »

Home again from Melbourne, just in the door 10 minutes ago. Rained almost all the way to the city, while we were there, and most of the way home again. Rear window on my mates car iced up on the road near Ballarat on the way to Melb. Had to stop and rinse the ice off so we could see the following traffic.

Have been on the go since 5 am, with just 1 cup of coffee all day, and not a single mouthful to eat.
Time to hit the sheets and doona.

Gadget · « **Reply #12436 on:** May 30, 2019, 01:43:24 AM »

Sleep well

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12437 on:** May 30, 2019, 10:26:12 AM »

Thanks Gary, I did. Slept until almost 9am today

Successful trip. We filled up with petrol and hit the road early. When we reached Melbourne I fitted a couple of new external wall lights to the brickwork outside the front door to my mates 90 year old mothers home, and replaced 3 faulty light switches in the house. Unable to install a sensor to control the new lights as the way it had been originally wired was incompatible. On an impulse, I whizzed into Bunnings and bought a solar powered 12 x LED sensor light, which I then fitted to the adjacent wall. This sensor picks up any movement in the front yard and driveway, and also operates the moment the front screen door opens and it lights up the verandah, steps, and the driveway. It cost less than $40, and when his mum tried to pay me for it, I just grinned and said "Merry Christmas!"
Got a super-hug from her, and while we were driving home, my mate passed me a paperbag "This is from Mum... she said to wait until we were on the road before you get it." I thought she had packaged some cake or other goodies, but found that she had put a couple of packets of smokes in there for me.
Greatly appreciated but unneccesary. She was really stoked that we would drive almost 800 km just to do this little favor for her.
Originally, her locally based Electrician had given her a quote of almost $600 to do this work, which was a total ripoff for less than two hours of labour. Probably based his quote on 'Nice home, elderly single lady, easy game'
Cost of trip for myself was 3 x replacement light switches and a sensor light from Bunnings, under $65.
We split the fuel cost which was was around $60 each.
Altho' we didn't ask, his mum went to the bank this morning, and transferred $200 to the mates bank account 'to cover cost of fuel' she said. Add the price of the two packets of smokes, and her little maintenance job cost her around $250 instead of $600.
AND we had the chance to visit her for the day.

I am suffering slightly from sore legs today, a legacy of working off the ladder, but its a small price to pay for the privilege of helping a mate and his family. Thats what friends are for.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12438 on:** May 30, 2019, 10:51:47 AM »

A radical Vegan drove onto a beef cattle property and shot the land owner.

He stated in court that he had misunderstood how the 'Farmer - shootist Benefits Scheme' operated, and asked how to make a claim?

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12439 on:** May 30, 2019, 10:24:41 PM »

You know, if Tony Abbot keeps his mouth shut, he won't put his foot in it again.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12440 on:** May 31, 2019, 07:26:02 AM »

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed.
"Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."
"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.
"Well, I'm 35 years old and I have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."
"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem.
Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror.
Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person.
But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited.

Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.
"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.
"Oh, it worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."
"So, what's your problem?"
"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12441 on:** May 31, 2019, 09:30:10 AM »

A fishermans boat capsized.
Although he could swim, his fear of crocs kept him clinging to the capsized craft.

Finally spotting a man on the shore, he shouted out to him, "Hey, are there any crocs around here?"
"Nope," the man yelled back. "Ain't been any crocs here for years!"

Feeling more at ease, the fisherman commenced swimming leisurely towards shore.
When he was about halfway there, he shouted out to the man at the shore again,
"How'd you get rid of the crocs?"
"Oh, we didn't do nothin'," the guy yelled back.
"The sharks got every last one of 'em!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12442 on:** May 31, 2019, 03:34:03 PM »

Just had a telemarketer call, trying to get me to subscribe to Pay TV.

Shot him down in flames when I revealed that I do not even HAVE a tv.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12443 on:** May 31, 2019, 06:16:12 PM »

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist.

When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric.

Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I'm labeled senile.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12444 on:** May 31, 2019, 06:17:47 PM »

It only takes one glass of beer to get me drunk.

I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth glass.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12445 on:** May 31, 2019, 10:30:02 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12446 on:** May 31, 2019, 10:39:21 PM »

When outside on the streets, it's safe to dance like no one is watching.

Because they're not.

They are all staring at their phones...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12447 on:** May 31, 2019, 10:52:00 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12448 on:** May 31, 2019, 11:02:34 PM »

Brothers and sisters are natural enemies, just like electricians and plumbers, electricians and engineers, and electricians and electricians.

An electrician got home at 4am. His wife asks him, “Wire you insulate?”

He replies, “Watt’s it to you? I’m Ohm, aren’t I?”

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12449 on:** June 01, 2019, 08:27:45 AM »

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3064906 times)