Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3066639 times)

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12350 on:** May 21, 2019, 12:46:20 AM »

Elvis Presleys last great hit was the bathroom floor.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12351 on:** May 21, 2019, 01:00:46 AM »

Trump claims that he doesn't owe the Inland Revenue a cent, because he lives near the seaside.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12352 on:** May 21, 2019, 01:19:42 AM »

Clive Palmer reminds me of a toad.

Big head that is mostly mouth, and a voice like a froghorn.

NTRebel · « **Reply #12353 on:** May 21, 2019, 07:40:17 AM »

And poisonous to boot.

Quote from: Kev Murphy on May 21, 2019, 01:19:42 AM

Clive Palmer reminds me of a toad.

Big head that is mostly mouth, and a voice like a froghorn.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12354 on:** May 21, 2019, 07:45:34 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12355 on:** May 21, 2019, 04:14:37 PM »

Choice between two new leaders for the Labor Party, one from the right, one from the left.
So, are they going military?

Quiiiick.. MARCH!

.... Left, right, left, right, left, right...

C'mon, make up your bloody mind?

NTRebel · « **Reply #12356 on:** May 21, 2019, 05:06:06 PM »

They can't make up something that doesn't exist.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12357 on:** May 21, 2019, 05:11:03 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12358 on:** May 22, 2019, 12:28:05 AM »

Trump has a plan to increase the number of barrels of oil produced daily, by decreasing the size of the barrels.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12359 on:** May 22, 2019, 07:11:49 AM »

There's a noisy crow squarking on the telephone lines outside.

Must be a long distance caw.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12360 on:** May 22, 2019, 07:12:34 AM »

NTRebel · « **Reply #12361 on:** May 22, 2019, 07:24:07 AM »

He was cawwing the crow outside my caravan.

Quote from: Kev Murphy on May 22, 2019, 07:11:49 AM

There's a noisy crow squarking on the telephone lines outside.

Must be a long distance caw.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12362 on:** May 22, 2019, 10:40:11 AM »

Maybe one of them has an Avon telephone franchise?

(~~Knock knock!~~ Ring! Ring! ... Avon cawwing!)

NTRebel · « **Reply #12363 on:** May 22, 2019, 11:59:54 AM »

No they have Optus franchise that Clive pays for.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12364 on:** May 22, 2019, 12:01:04 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12365 on:** May 22, 2019, 12:08:02 PM »

A Billionaire in the US pledged to pay off $40 million in student loans to graduates.

Nice round figure, but Whoopee-doo Clive spent 65 million on wasted self-advertising in the past two months.

Easy to see which is the more generous, and deserving of praise.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12366 on:** May 23, 2019, 04:51:22 PM »

Have you heard about the new birth control pill for men?

You take it the day after.

It changes your blood type, your name, and your phone number.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12367 on:** May 23, 2019, 06:24:52 PM »

An apple a day may keep the doctor away,

... but a good meal of cabbage, onions and baked beans will keep everyone away.

Bodø · « **Reply #12368 on:** May 23, 2019, 06:37:14 PM »

An apple will keep anyone away if you throw it at the prick hard enough.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12369 on:** May 23, 2019, 07:38:16 PM »

Nowadays, a bacon sandwich will keep most doctors away ...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12370 on:** May 23, 2019, 07:42:59 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12371 on:** May 23, 2019, 11:47:36 PM »

Dyslexic.

Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to hire a new nurse when the one they had retired.
They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her.

She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.
"Why, we just hired her?"
"Well, I think she is dyslexic and gets things backward. I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 four hour, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it almost killed him.
I told her to give Mrs. Jones an enema every twelve hours and she gave her twelve in one hour."

He had barely finished his reasons when the other doctor rushed out of the room.
"Where are you going in such a hurry?" the doctor asked.
"To see Nurse Nancy, I just instructed her to prick Mr. Hill's Boil!"

« **Reply #12372 on:** May 24, 2019, 04:35:16 AM »

If life gives you melons you're dyslexic.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #12373 on:** May 24, 2019, 05:05:15 AM »

A tale of 3 crows.

Russell Crowe, Sheryl Crow, and my ex......

One can act, one can sing, and the other just squarked constantly....

Bodø · « **Reply #12374 on:** May 24, 2019, 05:11:34 AM »

Which one can sing?

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3066639 times)

Bodø

Bodø