Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2921389 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15625 on: December 18, 2019, 10:07:24 AM »
A guy stuck a pistol into ScoMo's ribs and said, "Gimmee your money!"

ScoMo, shocked by the sudden attack, said, "You can't do this, I'm the Prime Minister!"

The thief replied, "In that case, gimmee MY money!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15626 on: December 18, 2019, 10:21:13 AM »
What a weird day! First I found a hat full of money.

Then I was chased by some guy with a guitar?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15627 on: December 18, 2019, 11:43:12 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15628 on: December 18, 2019, 11:45:43 AM »
I am swift as a gazelle.

An old one.

With arthritis.

Run over by a land rover.

Seven days ago.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15629 on: December 18, 2019, 11:47:36 AM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15630 on: December 18, 2019, 12:09:34 PM »
My grandma was known all over town for her delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so that everyone could visit her and enjoy them.
I fulfilled her wish.

She’s now dead and berried.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15631 on: December 18, 2019, 12:26:53 PM »
My grandma was known all over town for her delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so that everyone could visit her and enjoy them.
I fulfilled her wish.

She’s now dead and berried.

Probably not your best post given you like to give out strawberries at RTE's.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15632 on: December 18, 2019, 12:31:55 PM »
 :grin
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15633 on: December 18, 2019, 01:51:34 PM »
Just a joke.. My own grandmothers died 10 / 15 years before I was even born.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15634 on: December 18, 2019, 02:32:00 PM »
I am starting to wonder if ScoMo is a homosexual?

When he is questioned, he can never give a straight answer.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15635 on: December 18, 2019, 10:14:34 PM »
How do you know if someone is a vegan?

Engage them in conversation, they’ll tell you within 2 minutes.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15636 on: December 18, 2019, 11:41:29 PM »
A 10-year-old girl was walking down the street when a big man on a big-old
Harley pulls up beside her and says, "Hey little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside her again and says, "Hey kid, I will give
you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" said the little girl and proceeded down the street a little quicker.
The motorcyclist pulls up to the little girl again and says, "Okay kid, I
will give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back of my bike for a ride."
At this point the little girl turns to him and screams angrily,
"Look Dad, YOU bought a Harley instead of a Honda, so, YOU ride it!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15637 on: December 19, 2019, 08:16:42 AM »
Two skeletons rose from their graves one night, and decided to go for a ride on a motorcycle.

Suddenly one runs back and ripped out its headstone.

The other asks: "What the hell do you need THAT for?"

"Are you stupid? I can't just ride without my ID!"
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15638 on: December 19, 2019, 08:21:58 AM »
Every time people find out I ride a motorcycle, they always freak out and tell me about how someone they know had an accident on a bike.

I don't get it.

I don't go around telling pregnant women that my dad walked out when he heard he was going to be a father?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15639 on: December 19, 2019, 08:29:22 AM »
A motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light.
The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual
orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.


The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.


When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right
corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the driver for his signature.
The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and
demands to know what it stands for.


The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an ass hole!"


Two months later they're in court.
The driver has a bad driving record and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.


On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.


Under cross examination the defence attorney asks;
"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"


Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine,
same number at the top."


Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you
don't normally make?"


"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."


"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"


"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."


"Aggressive and hostile?"


"Yes, Sir.”


"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for ass hole?"


“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do.”


How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15640 on: December 19, 2019, 08:33:22 AM »
A Mortician rides a motorcycle very slowly on the freeway, because he is an undertaker, not an overtaker.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15641 on: December 19, 2019, 08:37:39 AM »
He must enjoy the tunnels (six feet under).
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15642 on: December 19, 2019, 08:42:05 AM »
Hey Bodø, would a motorcycle gang of Nordic Gods be called 'Bikings'?
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15643 on: December 19, 2019, 08:43:59 AM »
No.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15644 on: December 19, 2019, 08:45:26 AM »
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.

The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating so much chocolate is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his own bloody business."
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15645 on: December 19, 2019, 11:14:04 AM »
My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers round.


She sometimes gets her Snickers in a Twix.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15646 on: December 19, 2019, 11:16:34 AM »
Malaysian chocolate factory ... Oompa Lumpur ?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15647 on: December 19, 2019, 11:22:14 AM »
My girlfriend is like a new pack of cigarettes.

I want to rip her top off.
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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15648 on: December 19, 2019, 11:22:56 AM »
My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers round.

She sometimes gets her Snickers in a Twix.

I prefer the big blocks.  I'm a glass and half full type of person.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #15649 on: December 19, 2019, 11:24:39 AM »
 :grin
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