Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)  (Read 2925756 times)

Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11400 on: March 11, 2019, 12:08:44 AM »
Always test the water before diving in ...

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11401 on: March 11, 2019, 03:34:03 AM »
Plastic spider.... and it's only 3 weeks away from April 1st?



 One helluva way to force someone to take up aerobics  :grin
« Last Edit: March 11, 2019, 04:04:17 AM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11402 on: March 11, 2019, 07:29:53 AM »
A homeless guy asked me, "Loan me $10 till payday?"
I replied, "When's payday?"
He said, "I don't know? YOU'RE the one with a job!"

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11403 on: March 11, 2019, 07:56:34 AM »
A homeless guy asked me, "Loan me $10 till payday?"
I replied, "When's payday?"
He said, "I don't know? YOU'RE the one with a job!"

That's when you reply "come and see me then".
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11404 on: March 11, 2019, 08:01:53 AM »
 :grin
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11405 on: March 11, 2019, 09:23:30 AM »
Paddy accidentally locked his keys in the car.

He was really pissed off, because it took him nearly two hours to get his poor wife Caitlin out.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11406 on: March 11, 2019, 10:54:11 AM »
A Jewish Grandma is at the beach with her little Jewish Grandson.
The grandson is playing on the beach when a big wave comes and washes the kid out to sea.
The lifeguards swim out, bring him back to shore.
The paramedics work on him for a long time, pumping the water out, reviving him.
They turn to the Jewish Grandma, and say, "we saved your grandson."
The Jewish Grandma says, "He had a hat!"

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11407 on: March 11, 2019, 07:38:30 PM »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11408 on: March 11, 2019, 07:43:18 PM »
I went to the paper shop today - but it had blown away.

I wanted to buy a camouflage shirt, but couldn't find one.

Last time I saw the doctor he said "Go to Melbourne, it's great for the flu."
So I went. And I got it.

I cleaned the attic with the missus the other day.
Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.

When I walked into the doctor's, he said 'I haven't seen you in a long time?'
I replied, 'I know, I've been ill'.

A one-armed man went into a bar.
Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink' 
Man replied, 'There's no 'arm in it'

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.

Or my younger brother Ho-Chau-Chou.

But I think it's Colin.



« Last Edit: March 11, 2019, 07:55:43 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11409 on: March 12, 2019, 12:41:25 AM »
When the doctor says: "This prescription has a few side effects."
What the doctor means: "You may experience sudden hair growth on your eyeballs."

When the doctor says: "Are you certain you haven't had this before?"
What the doctor means: "Because now you've got it again."

When the doctor says: "I'd like to run that last test over."
What the doctor means: "The lab lost your sample."

When the doctor says: "Your insurance should cover most of this."
What the doctor means: "You'll have to sell your house to cover the rest."

When the doctor says: "Let's go over your symptoms once more."
What the doctor means: "I can't remember who you are."

When the doctor says: "How long have you had these symptoms?"
What the doctor means: "How do you feel about living with them the rest of your life?"

When the doctor says: "One of several things could cause your symptoms."
What the doctor means: "I haven't the foggiest idea what's wrong with you."

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11410 on: March 12, 2019, 12:50:43 AM »
Why are there handicap parking places in front of the skating rink?
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11411 on: March 12, 2019, 01:12:50 AM »
Putting a billion into context

According to a recent government publication ...

A billion seconds ago Ben Chifley was PM.

A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.

A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.

A billion dollars ago was late yesterday afternoon at the Federal Treasury.

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Bodø

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11412 on: March 12, 2019, 03:23:29 AM »
Why are there handicap parking places in front of the skating rink?

Not all handicapps are the same.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11413 on: March 12, 2019, 03:29:27 AM »
Morning Bodø, preparing for another day on the road?
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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11414 on: March 12, 2019, 03:36:20 AM »
Morning Bodø, preparing for another day on the road?

Yes, back on the road after yesterday's bank holiday.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11415 on: March 12, 2019, 03:54:47 AM »
Three doctors are talkin bout the economy and how it's affecting their careers

One doc says "I can take a lung from 1 guy put it in another and he'll be looking for work in 6 weeks".

Another doc says "I can take a kidney from one guy put it in another and he'll be lookin for work in 3 weeks".
 
The other doc says "I can take a heart and put it in another guy and he'll be looking for work in two weeks."

Little Johnny said "That ain't nothin, we took an asshole out of New York, put him in the Whitehouse, and everybody in the country has lookin for work ever since."

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11416 on: March 12, 2019, 04:10:44 AM »
You wish ....

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11417 on: March 12, 2019, 03:27:42 PM »
Passing clouds, wearing noisy thunderwear in the area here.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11418 on: March 12, 2019, 06:00:09 PM »
The best days of the week to eat at Maccas are Fry-day and Sundae!

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11419 on: March 12, 2019, 06:22:35 PM »
Personally I prefer choose day.  I choose to skip dinner.
 
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11420 on: March 12, 2019, 06:24:17 PM »
Don't go there Thirst day, its too expensive!
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11421 on: March 12, 2019, 07:39:28 PM »
The supermarket banned Jerry and his guide dog from entering because he kept peeing on bottom shelf items.

Probably due to poor training.

At least the dog didn't do this.
« Last Edit: March 12, 2019, 07:45:39 PM by Kev Murphy »
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11422 on: March 13, 2019, 12:03:42 AM »
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?

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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11423 on: March 13, 2019, 12:07:04 AM »
Green.

The colour of poison algae growth, mould, and dog vomit.

Oh yeah ... also the adopted name of a minor Political party.
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Online Kev Murphy

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Re: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone)
« Reply #11424 on: March 13, 2019, 12:37:49 AM »
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