Schoolteacher arrested today at John F. Kennedy International
A schoolteacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to
board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device
called a “slide-rule” and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of
the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the
FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
“Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General said. “Al-Gebra has terrorized many young
people for years. They derive solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on
tangents in search of absolute values”.
“They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns,’ but we’ve
determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates
in every country.”
As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.'”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, “If God had wanted us to have
better weapons of maths instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”
White House aides told reporters they "could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement
by the President!"