Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3061405 times)

Bodø · « **Reply #11950 on:** April 19, 2019, 04:12:49 PM »

Actually I was home hours ago. Just written a ride report.

Bodø · « **Reply #11951 on:** April 19, 2019, 04:15:33 PM »

Jesus called from the Cross... "Peter! ... Peter!"
Peter pushed his way through the crowd... "Yes my Lord?"
"I can see your house from up here!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11952 on:** April 19, 2019, 07:57:43 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11953 on:** April 19, 2019, 11:08:42 PM »

I'm not aging, I just need re-potting.

By the time I found greener pastures, I'm too old to climb the bloody fence!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11954 on:** April 19, 2019, 11:13:27 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11955 on:** April 20, 2019, 02:39:15 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11956 on:** April 20, 2019, 02:43:08 AM »

Bodø · « **Reply #11957 on:** April 20, 2019, 04:57:02 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on April 19, 2019, 11:13:27 PM

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11958 on:** April 20, 2019, 07:20:13 AM »

The Boss asked one of his employees... "How much sleep do you get?"

The guy replied "Well, I come to work for 8 hours each day, I figure I should have 8 hours sleep to compensate."

The Boss muttered "Yeah, that makes sense ... but it's not supposed to be the same 8 hours."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11959 on:** April 20, 2019, 07:23:29 AM »

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man, and with him was his dog.
It was a sad, funny, kind of film, you know the type.

In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed his head off.
This happened all the way through the film.

After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."

The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, he sure did. But he hated the book."

Bodø · « **Reply #11960 on:** April 20, 2019, 07:25:55 AM »

Quote from: Kev Murphy on April 20, 2019, 07:20:13 AM

The Boss asked one of his employees... "How much sleep do you get?"
The guy replied "Well, I come to work for 8 hours each day, I figure I should have 8 hours sleep to compensate."
The Boss muttered "Yeah, that makes sense ... but it's not supposed to be the same 8 hours."

When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, not kicking and screaming like my passengers.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11961 on:** April 20, 2019, 08:51:44 AM »

The best Blonde Joke ever.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11962 on:** April 20, 2019, 09:15:29 AM »

An alpaca moved to a remote area, and stayed awhile.

It was revered by local farmers as they thought it was the dally-llama...

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11963 on:** April 20, 2019, 09:52:14 AM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11964 on:** April 20, 2019, 04:36:31 PM »

Internet maxims

The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
Great groups from little icons grow.
C:\ is the root of all directories.
Click on YouTube, and you will lose all sense of time.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11965 on:** April 20, 2019, 04:38:16 PM »

Bodø · « **Reply #11966 on:** April 20, 2019, 04:47:05 PM »

Trust me, it happens, check your messages.

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11967 on:** April 20, 2019, 04:51:31 PM »

Yep, similar thing happened when I worked at the Whyalla shipyards.... and this was in the late 60s!

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11968 on:** April 20, 2019, 05:08:26 PM »

A couple of lesbians had the flat next to mine a few years ago .... they bought me a nice Rolex for christmas.

They misunderstood my answer when they asked "What would you like for Xmas?"

I said "I wanna watch!"

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11969 on:** April 20, 2019, 06:49:29 PM »

Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him.
The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc.

He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above: "You, Moses, heed me ! I have good news, and bad news." Moses was staggered.
The voice continued: "You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage.
If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs"
"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land.
If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust."
"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety.
If Pharaoh's army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land."

Moses was stunned. He stammered, "That's.... that's fantastic. I can't believe it! --- But what's the bad news?"
"You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement."

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11970 on:** April 20, 2019, 06:51:53 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11971 on:** April 20, 2019, 10:23:03 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11972 on:** April 20, 2019, 11:16:44 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11973 on:** April 20, 2019, 11:41:23 PM »

Kev Murphy · « **Reply #11974 on:** April 21, 2019, 09:31:09 AM »

A pretty bad golfer was playing a round of golf for which he had hired a caddie.
The round proved to be somewhat tortuous for the caddie to watch, and he was exasperated by the poor play of his employer.

At one point the ball lay about 180 yards from the green, and the as the golfer sized up his situation he asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?"

And the bored caddie replied, "Yeah,yeah ... I guess so, eventually."

News:

Author Topic: Drugs, Sex, Rock and Roll, mark II. ( content may not suit everyone) (Read 3061405 times)

Bodø

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Bodø